Ming Pao Weekly Saturday version June 16, 2001
[明报周刊]人物专栏：艰险我奋进 困乏我多情 由痛变通 马浚伟
*writer：徐蓉蓉 Feature: Steven Ma Chun Wai
Against dangers I forged ahead undaunted, emotionally trapped and weary, transforming pain to enlightenment -- Steven Ma
Friday night - TVB’s 40-episode series, On the Track or Off, has completed its run. Its highest rating peaked at 38 points. If based solely on result for acclaiming heroes, then first timer male lead, Ma Chun Wai, can claim victory in this race.
In OTTOO, Steven portrays Gam Yuen, a naive youngster (戆小子ngong xiu zi ) who later matures into a wiser person, and who ultimately wins his fair lady, Lu Wing Yee (Ada Choi). Its all’s well that ends well finale delighted the audience.
However in real life, Steven’s life events ran less smoothly than Gam Yuen’s. Throughout his 7-year entertainment profession, he agonized over a sluggish career; furthermore, three years ago he suffered drastic blows from his mother’s death, and from his everyday life and love life. Since his loving mother’s passing, the 3 years of accumulated worldly experiences, and more importantly, the edification of mind and soul through written words, Steven has finally learned how to cope with adversity and dangers with an undaunted spirit and to bestir passion from within to dissipate fatigue and besiegement. He finally has transformed pain(痛tòng) into enlightenment(通tōng).
April 9th – a rare hailstorm day, also the premiering of OTTOO. The first timer male lead, Steven, did not seclude himself at home to watch his own work alone. In fact, he chose to invite a group of good friends to watch the premier with him. When the show was on, Ma Zai’s whole being was fully riveted to the tv screen, scrutinizing closely his every move and his concerted rhythm with the series’. Right at this very exciting moment when everybody’s focus was on the series, the ‘good’ hostess brought out the family ‘precious’ childhood photo album, and showed it to Ma Zai, saying: “Look! These are my….”, but was politely rebuffed by the male lead who said: “Wait until I finished watching this scene then I’ll look at it…hou mm hou? (alright?).
His scrutiny was so earnest, so relaxed, showing not a bit of nervousness. A first timer male lead was ‘brave’ enough to publicly accept the challenge of friends’ feedback and critiques. During the ongoing conversation, he even cheerfully joked about the afternoon hailstorm: “Yay! A hailstorm! Now people can’t get out. They’ll sure to watch the series lo! Even heaven (tin) aids me.” He was very confident of his own performance. I appreciate his show of self-confidence.
Nobody is born knowing how to face adversities and challenges with equanimity. Steven is no exception. If it was not for his 22-year battle alongside his mother fighting the disease demon, he would not have possessed such strong morality.
“In the past, my life and mind consisted only of mom. Since I was 6 years old, I lived in constant anxiety and fear. Sometimes when I saw people mistreating their parents, I would rile at the unfairness: “They are so disobedient yet their mothers are so healthy. Why is that I am so filial and yet mom is..”". Besides being filial, he would never do anything to worry his mother. “Anyway, maybe it’s better this way; I received more than I lost. During the teenage wild years, I deliberately controlled my wildness, and during the self-expressive years, I deliberately restrained self-indulgence. As the years passed, I began to ‘age’ prematurely.”
He loves to draw; after graduating high school, he had the opportunity to enter a design /graphic / art school for further study, thus realizing his dream of being an artist. However, his family really could not afford the HK$7000 school fees for his training. “No problem! I can self-study.” Instead he stepped into society to diligently earn money to help out his family. No doubt it was hard work, but he did it with a willing heart.
This child’s family background might be underprivileged but his upbringing was excellent. Father worked day and night to provide for his wife and children. His wife was a chronic patient and he did his best to take care of her, sticking with her through thick and thin. Mother was strong and gentle. They were a good couple. Besides being affectionate to each other, they were also fair to their children. Every child in the family was treated like a precious gem. But because Ma Zai was the only nam ting (boy) and because being a traditional Chew Chao family, the ‘ting’ naturally engendered him a preferential treatment.
His four sisters (3 older, 1 younger), they all love to take care of him. When little brother had just finished his bowl of wonton noodle soup, the empty bowl would vanish in the blink of an eye; turned out that his 3rd elder sister had already taken it to the kitchen for washing. When heard he was sick, 2nd elder sister who was a nurse and despite being married already, would in the shortest amount of time pay a nurse visit to check up on her little brother. But the undefeated got to be his younger sister; “4th young master” loves to praise how pretty his little sister is before other people, and how much he cherishes her. The fact is, his younger sister looks upon him as an idol. “Amongst men, my brother is the best. If looking for a husband, I want to find one just like him.” Given her adulation of her older brother, she is undoubtedly his biggest ardent fan.
“I admit, because of my family’s poverty, I was often looked down upon. I did not feel secure and also minded people’s condescension. But now, I am enlightened. (tai tong) I won’t let it bother me anymore.”
Whenever he felt aggrieved, just hearing his mother said: “My Wai Zai hou guai! (Well-behaved) hou guai zai ga!" A word is worth 10 thousand gold ingots. His mother was his most trusty reinforcement. To this child who had encountered all kinds of situations, having grown up in a public housing environment, her words were like a stimulant shot; taking a deep breath and bracing himself, he once again was ready to charge to the frontline. Familial love was what sustained him through life’s vicissitudes. He knows the meaning of appreciation, but more so, he knows the meaning of giving back. Their financial situation finally improved, however, mother’s illness relapsed, which greatly terrified and tormented him mentally. In 1999, Ma mama’s illness worsened, today dismissed from hospital, tomorrow re-admitted. If she was away from home, Steven’s soul fled in tow.
During that period, he was filming HH1. Whenever his scenes were not slotted, he would rush to the hospital, desperately seizing every minute to be at his mother’s side. Because of his chaotic emotions, he was reluctant to interact with people at work. If his scenes were not shot, he would squat by the curbside, dazed. All this was taken in by a thoughtful person (有心人). Ma Zai’s desolation touched her heart. She, of her own accord, walked over to this agitated person. She engaged him in conversations to comfort his panicky heart. This person was Ada Choi. She talked to him, using her own optimism to enlighten him. Gradually, he saw her decency. He knew he had begun to appreciate her. (欣赏)
As his appreciation of her grew, he also thought of strengthening his communication with Ada, but his mother was sick; should he allocate his time to filial piety? Or should he allocate it to personal affair? The Time God really did a number on Steven. Making a choice is a painful process; but nonetheless, helplessness notwithstanding, it still needed to be made. Finally, he resolutely allocated every minute and every second to his mother. Mother passed away, and that one, she had found her true love! Totally disheartening! But whom could he pour out to. Thereafter, he took to drinking to numb himself. Only his beloved pet dog, Ah Ben, knew of his desolation, because he would only speak out his feelings to it.
One night, he was drunk again, and in his stupor he saw his mother. He saw his mother smiling at him. He smiled back at her. And briefly regaining consciousness…. Ah! He recalled his mother, recalled how she fought to prolong her life by courageously enduring painful treatments. How on her last day because of ingestion problems, the doctor considered doing a throat aperture surgery to insert a feeding tube inside her. But this surgery’s risk was very high. To increase her chance of survival, Ma mama accepted the doctor’s alternative recommendation. He hoped that within a short period of time, to use a small lever to widen the space between the two front teeth so as to enable a doctor to insert a tube for nourishing infusion, hence avoiding the risk of surgery. The pain of “teeth prying’ could only be imagined, yet she still persisted in undergoing the ‘prying’ treatment. Because of her love for her family, she displayed an utmost inner strength to live. No matter in the end that it was all for naught, but her incredible fortitude is forever imprinted in the son’s heart.
His heart, also thought of his father… Father loves him so much. A retiree; knowing that son had just gotten his driver’s license, he, without a word, promptly withdrew a portion of his retirement fund and gave it to him to buy a car, just so that son had a reliable car to improve his driving skill. “Father never frets over money situation because he never doubts I would take of him in his old age. He has the utmost confidence in me. How could I worry him so, and disappoint him so…. How could I self-destruct myself so. That I grew to be so big now was because of my parents! I loved parents so much, so why did I do things to worry father and to sadden mother?"
Suddenly he woke up, and began his life anew! Furthermore, through the elucidation of Teacher Tang Jun Yi (唐君毅)’s philosophy of life, he learns to transform the “most loved” feelings to “respect”; to elevate the male-female feelings to platonic friendship; and to store all the good memories deep inside his heart. This by far, he thinks is his most valuable realization.
Even though true love has yet to be found, he insists that he will certainly get married one day. “I don’t want to date just yet because I want my heart to be fully cleansed first! Else it will be very unfair to my future partner.”
But, 2nd sister and 5th little sister have both given birth to a ‘ting’ (son) this year; their arrival arouses 4th young master’s heart.
"Recently, I dreamed. In my dream I saw my left arm cradling a daughter; right arm, a zai (son). I laughed so loudly that I woke up! I really wish to get marry, really wish to have children with my beloved. I long to have a daughter first, then a son; because I love to see the growth of a new life, to see life filled with meaning. I want to teach the new generation well and not let them take a wrong turn. I want them to understand what is morality (道德 dou dak), what is value / worth /price (价值ga jik), what has meaning…”
For he so loves the newborns’ relatives (tn: sisters), this uncle despite having only 2 hours of sleep during the OTTOO production period would rather skip his resting period so that he could rush to a baby store to buy disposable diapers for his elder sister's and younger sister's respective babies. Did they really need to trouble this “sei xiu” (4th young master) for diapers? Obviously, it is just a personal choice. And thus, this reporter got to witness a "diaper purchase extraordinaire scene".
Really love to witness extraordinary sights. Life’s cumulative efforts are done for what purpose; they occurred for the realization of value. The value being love, moreover, it is the mutual love among family members.
~Prologue~
Perception of moth
The Chinese have this saying.
When people die, their souls attached themselves onto the moths, and then they go home to see their family…
Superstition? Or coincidence?
Since OTTOO’s premier on April 9th every night for one whole week, Steven saw a gray moth resting on the wall in the family room. He believes: “It’s mom coming home to see me. All along, I knew she would come home to see me. And she did.” Life has transcended to the spiritual level, human and spirit finally contacted across dimension. 生命升华到精神，人灵之间相互贯通了
He already knew how to transform regrets into cherishment; this is a profundity process. Other transformations to come will be the ability to comprehend but can't explain, feel the exhaustion but is not tired; every minute, every second, strives to bring happiness to the living, and to let the deceased rest in peace. Will not let sorrow returns, its realm differs from mine.
Translated by: Tamaya
Reposted from: 温馨马仔小屋 (SM's Warm House)
school song of 新亞書院（New Asia College）part of The Chinese University of Hong Kong（CUHK）
香港中文大学新亚书院的校歌，由名儒钱穆所填，
手空空，無一物。路遙遙，無止境。亂離中，流浪裏，餓我體膚勞我精。
艱險我奮進，困乏我多情。千斤擔子兩肩挑，趁青春，結隊向前行，
*writer：徐蓉蓉 is the Steven former PM cum manager of his publishing co. since its establishment in 2003.
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eta 蓉蓉細語 7/31/2015 11:45
related material tsui yong yong weibo
2000年，明報周刊龍景昌老總送我這份禮物一我第一本作品「採星記」，內中有一個人，有一篇稿，令我真正愛上寫作，人是他，序是他送给我的，鼓勵力之强、令我從此筆耕不停，今天重温，仍然激動，一個點影響一個面，真不要少看文字對思想的衝撃力。
刊于 明报 星期六周刊, 2001年6月16日, “星期六人物”专栏。
Title: 艰险我奋进 困乏我多情 由痛变通 马浚伟
撰文：徐蓉蓉
周五晚，无线四十集电视剧《勇往直前》全部播完：此剧最高收视高达38点， 若以成绩论英雄，首次任男主角的马浚伟， 在这场赛事中已算胜出。在《勇》剧中，马浚伟饰演的甘元，由一个戆小子变成精明者，更能与心上人陆颖怡（蔡少芬）有情人终成眷属，大团圆结局，实令观众看得心情畅快。惟在现实生活中，马浚伟的际遇，可没有甘元般顺利，七年娱乐圈生涯，他挨尽事业进度缓慢之虑；三年前更逢母逝、感情生活受挫的打击。慈母离去后，三年世情历炼，更藉文字洗涤心灵，马浚伟终于学会以奋进回应艰险，以多情挪去困乏，他，终于由“痛”变“通”。
四月九日，一个罕有的“落雹”日子，也是《勇往直前》首播的那一天。首次担任男主角的马浚伟，没有躲在家中独个儿收看自己的作品，反而选择与一班好朋友相伴看首播. 戏在播着时，只见马仔聚精会神地看着荧光幕，细心地留意自己的每一个表情和每一段剧情配乐. 人人皆专心观剧之际，“好客”的主人，在此紧张时刻，还找来自家的“珍贵”童年照，递到马仔面前，着他：“看啊！看我那些……”，却遭到男主角迅速而礼貌地退却：“待我看完这一幕，才看你的照片，好不好……”
他看得那么认真，那么从容，却未见半丝紧张，一个初任男主角者，“够胆”在友侪间公开接受“反应挑战”，说着说着，还轻松地拿下午的“落雹”天气开玩笑：“落雹啊！观众不能出街，一定会看戏喇！连个天都帮我。”他对自己的演出多么有信心，我欣赏这份自信。没有人天生下来就可以从容面对逆境与挑战，马浚伟也不例外。
如果，不是伴着母亲与病魔打上二十二年大仗，今日，他又怎会有如斯道行。
“以前的我，生命中，思想中就只有妈妈。六岁以后的每一天，我都在担心、恐惧中度过，有时看到别人对父母不好，就会不忿气：‘他们那么忤逆，妈妈倒是精精神神的，为什么我这么孝顺，妈妈却……’” 基于孝心驱使，他绝不让自己做出令母亲担心的事。“这样反而好，我得着的比失的多。在我年少轻狂时，我按捺着不让自己轻狂；在可以尽情放纵的年青岁月，我刻意不纵容自己。超越了好多时空，我提早‘衰老’了。”
“四少”受特别呵护
一直喜爱画画的他，在中学毕业后，本来可以考进设计学院深造，实践当画家的梦想，然而，家中真的拿不出七千元学费让他进修。“不要紧！自修好了。”他让自己踏进社会，努力赚钱养家。挨是挨得辛苦，但他挨得甘心。别看这个孩子家境不佳，但家教可是一流的好，父亲日夜辛劳工作，就为了妻儿得温饱。太太长年生病，他想尽一切方法照顾她，对爱妻不离不弃。母亲坚强又温柔，一对好夫妻，除了恩爱，还不会偏心。 每个孩子都是家中宝，只是马仔是男丁，传统的潮州家庭，对“丁”可是特别呵护。四位姐妹，人人都爱照顾他，弟弟甫吃毕云吞面，那面碗转眼便消失，原来三家姐已飞快拿到厨房去清洗。他一说生病，那当护士的二姐，虽然已经出嫁了，依然以最快速度飞奔回娘家“出诊”，看看她家弟弟怎么样。最无敌的还是五妹，“四少”人前人后都爱赞妹妹长得美，他如何如何宝贝她，查实妹妹才真把他当偶像。“男人当中，我哥哥最好，找丈夫，我也要找个象他的。”崇拜哥哥的程度，绝对可以成为首席fans。
“我承认，因为家中经济不好，我曾经受过白眼，我没有安全感，也介意别人对我的轻蔑，但是，现在看通了，不会再介怀。” 受了什么委屈，只要听到母亲说：“我伟仔好乖！好乖仔架！”一语抵万金，有妈妈作为最可倚赖的后盾。这个在屋村长大，什么场面都见过的孩子，就如打了兴奋剂，吸口气，挺挺胸膛又再冲过。亲情是支撑他挨过种种难关的支柱。他懂得珍惜，更知道回报。经济关易过，母亲病情反复，才真令他心神俱“惊”，精神陷入崩溃状态。九九年，马妈妈病情转重，今天甫出医院，明天又要再进，她一离开家，马浚伟的魂就没了。
蔡少芬主动关怀
那段日子，他正在赶拍《妙手仁心1》，只要有空档，他就往医院跑争分夺秒陪伴在母亲身边。
因为心情恶劣，开工时，他不想与任何人说话，没有自己的戏场，就只蹲在路边发呆。这个情形，全看在一个“有心人”眼中，马仔落寞神情，震撼了她的心弦，主动地，她步到这个彷徨人儿面前，逗他说话，安怃他惶恐的心，这个人，就是蔡少芬。她与他聊天，以自己的乐观去开解他，慢慢地，他看到了她的善良，他知道自己开始“欣赏”她了。有了这份内藏的好感后，他也想过与Ada 加强沟通。只是，母亲有病在身，时间放在孝行上？还是放在私念间？时间大神真真跟马浚伟开了一次玩笑。抉择是最痛苦的事，无奈也要作出决定。最后，他执意把每一分每一秒留给母亲。母亲走了，那一个呢，也找到她的真爱！失落得很呀！但又难以向人倾吐。往后的岁月，他只好藉酒精麻醉自己。能知其心事者，就只有他的爱犬“阿ben”，因为，他就只肯向它倾诉。
有一夜，又喝醉了，迷茫间，他看见“母亲”，他见到母亲在笑，他也笑了。略略清醒……，啊！他想起母亲，想到她为了保住生命，坚强地接受任何痛苦疗程的情景。在那最后的日子，因为吞咽出现困难，为了输送营养料，医生考虑为她做“开喉”手术。但这手术危险度较高。为了增加生存机会，马妈妈接受医生另一个提议，希望能在一段短时间内，用小棒撬阔两只门牙中间的齿隙，让医生把小喉插入齿隙间输送养料，便可免去一次开刀风险。“撬齿”是多么痛苦的事，但是，她仍肯不停地“撬”，为了亲人，她表现了最坚强的求生意志。尽管，最后还是赶不及，但是，这般行动的震撼力，已经永存在儿子心中。他的心，又想到父亲……。父亲是那么疼爱他，退休了，拿着一笔退休金，知道儿子考到车牌，二话不说就把钱全拿给他买车去，为的只是要儿子有车练好驾驶技术。“父亲一点也没有想过钱的问题，因为他从没有担心过我不养他，他是这么信任我，我怎能让他担心，让他失望……。怎么可以这样摧残自己，身体发肤，受诸父母！自己那么疼父母，为何要做令父亲担心，令母亲忧心的事？猛地，他清醒了，也重生了！反而，他藉着深研唐君毅老师的人生哲学，学会了把“最爱”之情化为“至敬”，把男女之情升华至“好友”之义，将一切美好回忆长存心底，这才是他觉得至宝贵的得着。
为外甥买纸尿片
虽然真爱仍在觅寻，但他强调一定会结婚。“我今日仍未想拍拖，是要等自己洗干净个心先！否则，对将来的伴侣不公平。” 不过，二姐与五妹在今年都添了丁，这可把“四少爷”的心撩拨得乱乱的。“近日我发梦，竟梦见自己左手抱个女，右手抱个仔，笑到成个人醒了！我好想结婚，好想与自己爱的人生孩子，我好恨生个女在先，再生个儿子，因为我喜欢看到新生命的诞生，人生充满意义，我要教好下一代，不让他们成为坏胚子，我要他们明白什么叫道德、什么叫价值、什么叫意义……” 就因为太爱新生的亲人，这个舅父仔，竟在赶拍《勇往直前》期间，一天只有两个小时睡眠时间的情况下放弃休息，亲身扑到婴儿用品店，为姐妹们的BB买纸尿片。劳动到四少买尿片？可见此举全属个人意愿。又让记者看到这一幕“尿片奇景。” 好喜欢看到“奇景”频现，人生的一切努力为的是什么，就只为实现价值而存。价值就是爱，而且是亲人间的互爱。
后记：蛾的启悟
中国人有这么个说法。
人死后，灵魂会附在飞蛾身上，再回家中，看望自己的亲人……。
是迷信？还是巧合？
由四月九日《勇往直前》剧首播，整整一周，每晚，马浚伟都看到一只灰蛾伏在客厅的墙上，他觉得：“是妈妈回来看我；我一直感觉她会回来看我，她真的来了……。”生命升华到精神，人灵之间相互贯通了。
他已懂得将可惜变为珍惜，这是一个深化的过程，往下的转化是能做到知通而不言通，觉累而不言累，每一分每一秒，令生者乐，逝者安，不让悲痛重来，那份境界更自不同！
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