2007-03-04 04:05
Haven’t been here for quite a while. How’s everybody? Here’s a belated best wishes greeting: Here’s hoping everyone is healthy and happy everyday!
I didn’t plan on updating my blog today, but I’d just finished watching some dvd, and since I’m still not tired, decided to get online. Only then did I realize that I’d not visited my ‘home’ for quite sometime!
Life’s profundity is that: it is difficult to grasp, and also difficult to foreseen!
Truly, who can penetrate life?
I don’t know, truly don’t know!
These past few days, things happened. Happy, unhappy? Like, dislike? Or perhaps smooth sailing, rough sailing?...all of them!
Sometimes, I felt compelled to look myself in the mirror and ask: What did I do wrong? Why does God keep testing me? Of course, I meant not just work related trials but, also, all sorts of trials and tribulations experienced in life journey!
I’ve always considered myself a traditional Chow Chew ‘real’ man: one shoulder supporting the weight of a home, the other upholding a piece of sky! Truth be told, even now, I still think that way! Maybe, this is just my one-track viewpoint, but this belief has sustained me.
But, sometimes, I feel so weary!
“Real” man? How to be one? Perhaps my father’s influence on me is truly too strong!
My father was a public transportation bus driver of 30 odd years. Since young till now, I have honestly never heard my father gripe about anything at all, or seen him displayed any nervousness or fear before me. Even when Mother passed away, he was calm. His conduct and demeanor had always made us feel calm and secure, that father was always there to take care of things.
Until that one day, the day I’ll always remember; the day of my mother’s funeral service. I distinctly remember that very minute when the coffin was about to be sealed, Father finally broke down in tears! At that time, my whole family, the relatives and good friends, all sobbed uncontrollably...except me, I didn’t dare to cry!
Didn’t dare? Hardly an exaggeration! Honestly, when even the master of the house could not hold back manly tears, which over the years I had never witnessed before, as the now self newly appointed man of the house, how could I dare cry?
Perhaps, you’ll laugh to think I over exaggerate, or that I over dramatize, but that was truly my irrefutable feelings of that moment, henceforth, forever imprinted indelibly in my heart!
Be that I was only pretending to be strong, or that I was actually weak; or question if I could truly hold on, or perhaps just putting on an act - So what if I was? That’s not important!
Anyway, I can hold on!
Don’t worry, I truly can hold on!
I remember when Mother passed away in the hospital, after completing the forms, we got into the car; the first song from the radio was Gigi Leung’s (梁詠琪) ‘Today’.
I will now share a section of the song's lyrics that touched me the most:
別了依然相信, 以後有緣再聚, 未曾重遇以前, 要珍惜愛自己,
在最好時刻分離,不要流眼淚, 就承諾在某年, 某一天, 某地點, 再見!
Farewell, still believe, if predestined we’ll meet again.
Meanwhile, please take good care of yourself
We parted at the best of times, please don’t cry,
let’s promise to meet on a certain year, a certain day, a certain place.
Zai Jian.
source: steven ma yahoo blogI didn’t plan on updating my blog today, but I’d just finished watching some dvd, and since I’m still not tired, decided to get online. Only then did I realize that I’d not visited my ‘home’ for quite sometime!
Life’s profundity is that: it is difficult to grasp, and also difficult to foreseen!
Truly, who can penetrate life?
I don’t know, truly don’t know!
These past few days, things happened. Happy, unhappy? Like, dislike? Or perhaps smooth sailing, rough sailing?...all of them!
Sometimes, I felt compelled to look myself in the mirror and ask: What did I do wrong? Why does God keep testing me? Of course, I meant not just work related trials but, also, all sorts of trials and tribulations experienced in life journey!
I’ve always considered myself a traditional Chow Chew ‘real’ man: one shoulder supporting the weight of a home, the other upholding a piece of sky! Truth be told, even now, I still think that way! Maybe, this is just my one-track viewpoint, but this belief has sustained me.
But, sometimes, I feel so weary!
“Real” man? How to be one? Perhaps my father’s influence on me is truly too strong!
My father was a public transportation bus driver of 30 odd years. Since young till now, I have honestly never heard my father gripe about anything at all, or seen him displayed any nervousness or fear before me. Even when Mother passed away, he was calm. His conduct and demeanor had always made us feel calm and secure, that father was always there to take care of things.
Until that one day, the day I’ll always remember; the day of my mother’s funeral service. I distinctly remember that very minute when the coffin was about to be sealed, Father finally broke down in tears! At that time, my whole family, the relatives and good friends, all sobbed uncontrollably...except me, I didn’t dare to cry!
Didn’t dare? Hardly an exaggeration! Honestly, when even the master of the house could not hold back manly tears, which over the years I had never witnessed before, as the now self newly appointed man of the house, how could I dare cry?
Perhaps, you’ll laugh to think I over exaggerate, or that I over dramatize, but that was truly my irrefutable feelings of that moment, henceforth, forever imprinted indelibly in my heart!
Be that I was only pretending to be strong, or that I was actually weak; or question if I could truly hold on, or perhaps just putting on an act - So what if I was? That’s not important!
Anyway, I can hold on!
Don’t worry, I truly can hold on!
I remember when Mother passed away in the hospital, after completing the forms, we got into the car; the first song from the radio was Gigi Leung’s (梁詠琪) ‘Today’.
I will now share a section of the song's lyrics that touched me the most:
別了依然相信, 以後有緣再聚, 未曾重遇以前, 要珍惜愛自己,
在最好時刻分離,不要流眼淚, 就承諾在某年, 某一天, 某地點, 再見!
Farewell, still believe, if predestined we’ll meet again.
Meanwhile, please take good care of yourself
We parted at the best of times, please don’t cry,
let’s promise to meet on a certain year, a certain day, a certain place.
Zai Jian.
Translator: Tamaya
打掉門牙和血吞!
很久沒來了, 大家可好? 先來個遲來的祝福, 願天下人個個健康, 天天快樂!
本沒計劃今天寫blog的, 只是剛剛看畢幾張dvd, 結果還是沒倦意, 就上上網. 哦......那我才發現, 原來已经很久沒回來我這個"家"了!
人生的奧妙, 就是在於難以掌握, 也難以預測!
真的, 有誰能參透生命呢?
我不知道, 真的不知道!
這幾天, 遇到很多事情, 開心不開心?喜欢不喜欢?又或是順意不順意的.......皆有!
有時候, 真的忍不住對著鏡子, 問問自己: 我做錯了什麼? 為什麼上天總要给我那麼多考驗? 當然, 我說的不只是工作上的考驗, 而是人在生命旅途上的各種、各樣!
我一直以為, 自己是一個傳统的潮州大男人, 一邊肩膀能撑一頭家, 一邊就能頂起一片天! 說實話, 到現在, 我還是這麽想的! 也許, 這只是我的單向思维, 但, 這理念却可是我的精神支柱!
可是, 有時候, 也真的覺得累了!
大男人? 怎麼做呀? 也許, 我, 真的受父親的影響太深了!
我 父親是開公車的, 一開就開了三十多年. 從小到現在, 我真的從沒聽過爸爸埋怨過什麽, 也沒見過他在我面前表露過任何不安或驚惶失措的表情, 就算是家母離世時, 他還是表現得那麼冷靜, 他的態度與神情, 總是讓人感到安定, 安穩, 感到萬大事, 老爸都在似的。
直到那一天, 我畢生都記得的一天, 就是家母出殯的日子, 我記得很清楚, 在家母被蓋棺的那一刻, 爸爸终於哭了! 那時候, 我家上下, 包括所有親朋好友, 都忍不住流下眼淚.........唯獨我, 不敢哭!
說不敢? 一點都不為過! 真的, 當一家之主都忍不住流下我從沒見過的男兒淚, 身為這個家的新任男主人, 怎敢哭?
也許你會笑我誇張, 又或是笑我言重, 但, 那的確是我當時心內如鋼铁般實在的感受, 也, 因此在我的心靈留下永不磨滅的記印!
說我是假堅強也好, 真懦弱也行! 問我真能撑? 又或只是演得像? 那又如何? 都不重要!
反正, 我撑得起!
放心, 我就是撑得起!
記得家母在醫院走了之後, 和家人辦好手續, 一上車, 從收音機聽到的第一首歌, 是梁詠琪的
(別了依然相信, 以後有缘再聚, 未曾重遇以前, 要珍惜愛自己,
在最好時刻分離不要流眼淚, 就承諾在某年, 某一天, 某地点, 再見!)
小馬
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