Ever since I came across this autobiographical column by Steven for Guangzhou Daily in 2002, I had so wanted to translate it because of his honest sharing of his experience, feelings and thoughts on his early start in the entertainment circle. But its formidable length intimidated me, so I had put it off until now. I’ve decided to tackle this 20-part column piece meal. My translation starts with the latter part 3, as part 1 – 2 are merely introduction and formal acknowledgment. I’m not sure how many parts were initially in the actual column, but so far I can only find 20 of them online. Column reposted on: steven baidu
3. ~~Childhood~~
October 26, 1971 – In Hong Kong Bak Tin Estate (tn:Sham Shui Po, Kowloon) the Ma household was celebrating a joyous occasion. Mrs. Ma, who already had three daughters, was in labor. The baby was safely delivered. He turned out to be an almost 4 kg (8.8 lbs) baby boy. The BB brought on the greatest joy to the whole Ma household, now it finally had son and daughters. That kind of joy and contentment is hard to describe in written words. This little BB whose birth brought such joy to the whole family was me, Ma Chun Wai. Ma Chun Wai is not my real name. The name my parents gave to me was Ma Chi Wai; has志气 (tn: resolve; drive; ambition; backbone; spirit; aspiration) and has great ambition and drive (雄图伟略). They hoped when I grew up I would become an upright person with his own ideals and aspirations. Parents’ thinking was so incredibly grandiose -------- and this only just recently hit on me as I prepared this special column, through the introduction of my name I suddenly felt my parents’ expectation of me; truly a new discovery! Even more so, I was moved by my parents’ righteousness and optimism that laid out the foundation for my latter maturation years with their good seed of ideals. After my birth, mother gave birth to my younger sister. Thus, I grew up in the company of 4 females. The household with 5 children was only very bustling, but predominated as it was by girls, and girls being natural group bonders, I, as the only boy, more often than not, felt the lack of playmates immensely. Given this gender imbalance, I was on my own to seek out my own entertainment. Luckily, I discovered something quite early in life: I like to sing. From a young age, I joined and participated in all kinds of singing and reciting extra-curriculum activities, as long as there was music, I would be like a happy birdie singing non stop, worries vanished instantly. And so music became my childhood favorite pastime.
4. ~~Crowned Champion~~
Fortunately, it was through my 40 odd early failures that I got to really know my own personality. I’m not an obstinate person by nature, but of perseverance, I do have some. If my mind is made up on something, I will carry it through, regardless. The repeated failures did not deter or crush me. They were only a temporary setback; opportunities still abound. I was not at all disheartened or heart stricken by my failures. “I don’t believe I can’t even be a champion for at least one time.” It was this self-belief that sustained me time and again to join the singing competitions. I admit, in my quest to achieve my objective, I was extremely single-minded and persistent.
Actually, there were lots of young people like me in Hong Kong who simply refused to accept failures at face value. As my singing contest participations increased, I noticed a group of people who also did not know the meaning of defeat. Although we were contenders in different contests, there was no enmity among us; in fact, we constantly encouraged each other. The outcome of these numerous competitions, besides tasting success, was that I made some good friends. As to that championship, its accomplishment happened through self-critiques and subsequent improvements from these trials. My repeated failures and tenacious forging ahead had me thinking that blind emulation of a singer’s style and skills just wouldn’t cut it. I decided to learn singing from a teacher. My initiation teacher was Ms. Liang Yue Ling. From her, I learned the basic vocal techniques. She was the one who taught me how to integrate fake and true voices as one. She was also the one who recommended Jacky Cheung’s 李香蘭 as my entry song, thus garnering points on the degree of difficulty. Naturally, I was most thankful to Teacher Liang for my win on this competition.
~~Part 5 ~~
Winning the championship proved to be the pivotal point in my career. Furthermore, this championship also brought two people into my life. One was a judge in the competition, Teacher Dai SiCong; the other was my manager, Frankie Fan ChiRong. Teacher Dai had discovered many a singer for the entertainment circle. Perhaps, he saw in me some music potential, for in that competition he awarded me top marks, which was the main reason for my victory. Since he and Frankie knew each other, and were also business acquaintances in the music world; consequently, when I became the champion, they were of a mind to introduce me to a recording company.
Prior to this fortuitous event, I held a good job with prospects. At that time, I was employed as a sales account executive by one of Hong Kong’s well-known companies, “TinsChemical Corporation Ltd.. During my two-year employment, I secured over HK$20 mil of business for the company, annually. The owner of TinsChemical treated me well. If I had so desired a career in commerce, I believed I would have done well in it. But, singing was my life passion. At that time, I was truly more drawn to being a singer than a businessman. Future prospects vs passion – how I bounced back and forth between them; and obsessing constantly over it: “Sei-lo! (oh dear!) If I enter showbiz, what kind of a future would I have?” This question troubled me enormously. Finally, I decided to cast my lot with the entertainment circle. What finally tipped my decision scale was the owner’s statement to me.
6. ~~Sales Solicitation~~
“If you can’t make it in the entertainment circle, I’ll have a manager job waiting for you here!”
The owner imparted this remark to me during my contemplation over my future prospects as an encouragement to me. This was neither a lie nor a jibe; I knew that Mr. Tin was genuinely supporting me and would respect my final decision, regardless. For that, I was truly moved; moved by how well I was treated by Mr. Tin when I first joined his company; moved by my parents’ 100% support of me; most of all, I was moved by the recognition given to my work performance and efforts.
Since young, my parents had shown 100% confidence in me. I made all decisions on my own without first having to consult my family; once my mind was made up, I would follow through; I believe I could handle anything on my own. “Whatever you do, do it well and do it to the best of your ability,” that’s my motto.
I recall my days in TinsChemical; every day, I carried product samples to solicit sales from the plants and factories under my sales territory. This was a mental and manual labor job; nevertheless, I was happy working there.
I remember once: a customer called up on a product; so lugging two heavy samples of leather products, I hurried over to his company, traveling through bus transfers and on foot. However, when I got there, I was swiftly dismissed with no explanation except these words, “Don’t want”. My exertion was all for nothing. I didn’t consider this as a setback; on the contrary, I believed with persistence, I would get the sales. A few days later, I called upon the company again; finally, its doors flung opened, and I secured a purchase order in the tens of thousands. Thereafter, when dealing with customers, be they peddlers or big hotels; I gave my all to each and every of my sales order. During these two years, I encountered all kinds of capricious treatments from people, but, I also became increasingly confident in my work. At its peak, my business volume reached 20mil. Who wouldn't appreciate this kind of ‘manager’? Efforts beget results. TinsChemical’s owner’s remark confirmed my efforts were not wasted.
7. ~~Contract Signing~~
I left the business industry, where I had toiled for two years and had made something of myself, for the music industry. September 27th 1993 was a very significant and unforgettable date for me. That day, I signed the contract, thus, officially becoming part of Warner Music (HK). As a newcomer in the music industry, frankly, I was totally clueless as to how I should go about on my new career path. But I knew given such an opportunity, I must take full advantage of it, and to value it.
Finally, I got my foot officially into the entertainment door. I was already ecstatic, as it was; but shortly after signing the contract, the company began the preparation on my album recording. When I heard this, I became very nervous. I braced myself for my first project in the music entertainment. I recall distinctly the day the recording supervisor handed me the lyrics to a song entitled: 幸运就是遇到你 – Luck means meeting you. The melody was not only beautiful but familiar too, it’s a 周华健 Emil Chau’s song, 花心 Flower Heart. I had listened to “Flower Heart” and even sang it. It was one of my favorite songs. But I never dreamed that one day I would sing the Cantonese version.
My first time stepping into a recording studio; first time recording my very own song; my feelings were very chaotic. On one hand, I was extremely excited and ecstatic; on the other hand, very intimidated. Because this was my first song, and an Emil Chau’s masterpiece, at that; I vowed whatever it takes, I had to do a good job of it!
Following immediately after the recording session was the photo shoots for the album packaging and for promotional purposes. To me, everything was so new and so exciting. And I was introduced daily to many things that I had never experienced before. As to the promotional events, they were definitely a challenge to me.
At this juncture, I not only had to interact with new colleagues, and the employees from the audio and video recording studios, respectively; but also radio DJs, news reporters, and various faceless strangers. I felt fortunate that prior to this, I was in sales; because during that period, I too had to frequently interact with strangers and to establish relation with them. That training was now put to good use.
My first album was successfully released at the end of 1993, and it actually sold about 10,000 copies. For a newcomer, the sales result was certainly very respectable. My first album instilled in me confidence and optimism for my future in the entertainment circle. Conversely, the company promo slogan dealt me my first serious blow since entering the entertainment circle.
8. ~~Breaking into the Music Entertainment Scene~~
My debut album was planned for a September release. Management hoped its timing would help it break out in the music awards ceremony; so, much thoughts and efforts were put into its promotions. (Translator’s note: The said album secured Steven’s a bronze award for best male newcomer; but at a cost) At that time, Management came up with this slogan: He’s not Hok-Yau (Jacky Cheung); he’s not Lai-Ming (Leon Lai); he’s not Hak Kan (Hacken Lee); he’s Ma Chun Wai (Steven). When I heard it, my face instantly turned deathly pale. My thoughts reeled: Ma Chun Wai is but a newbie, a complete nonentity to the public. If and when they heard this slogan, they would immediately perceive him as a braggart; if I were a neutral observer, I would think so, too. I might be a greenhorn in the music industry, but I had worked in the society for many years; based on my own human relation experience, I could predict these words would surely incite a huge backlash.
Actually, I wasn’t the only one concerned; my manager also felt that the slogan could jeopardize an artist’s image. If the public believed that this newcomer, one Ma Chu Wai would actually dare to compare himself to the heavenly kings, then that perception would definitely provoke a negative reaction. As such, Frankie and I, on separate occasion, sought out Management to voice our concerns, but to no avail. Its reasoning was that, since the promotion on my album would only begin on December 3rd, and the cut off date for the awards nomination list was the very next day; in order to get a placement on the list, it had to create the biggest waves possible within the time constraint. Moreover, newcomers were aplenty that year. The competition was truly fierce. Besides the slogan, Management could not think of a better gimmick to successfully achieve its goal.
During this period, I was constantly on edge. I knew this move would harm more than help me; but upon pondering, this wasn’t my fault. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t in anyway a fault. Since the ruling had been so decided, I could only comfort myself to let it be, and to concentrate instead on recording the rest of the album conscientiously. Therefore, because of this promotional strategy, but more so because of the slogan, my career path in the upcoming years was truly three times more grueling to travel than any new artistes’.
9. ~~Jeers~~
As newcomers in the music entertainment, they constantly had to face the unfamiliar and the unknown, as well as, the extreme competitions; it’s a given their roads would be arduous. And so, just as I had predicted, that controversial promotional slogan provoked loud disbelief: “How dare this fellow compare himself to the elite of such heavenly kings as Cheung Hok Yau, Lai Ming, & Lee Hak Kan?” At that time, I was torn in two; on one hand, I was delighted by my album’s sales; on the other hand, I had to repeatedly face the hostility of some spectators. Ever since the album hit the market, I heard constant booing during my performances. I comprehended that nobody could please the whole world; and that an artist while supported by fans, would at the same time, be rejected by detractors. Actually, since debuting, despite experiencing occasionally hecklings and hostile looks, I clearly discerned that the clamor of boos came mainly from a small section; and that on the floor, generous applause was still aplenty. This genuine support became the propelling force behind my efforts to constantly strive harder.
And so, my journey down this grueling road lasted for more than 3 months. I thought with the passing of time, my hard work and efforts would dissipate the public’s misconception of me, but just when things seemed to be looking up, a gigantic wave once again rushed towards me. Moreover, this big wave, unprecedented in its ferocity, was impossible to withstand...
In 1993 Christmas night, 尖东某广场 (?) held an outdoor celebratory concert. The sponsoring committee invited many music entertainers to perform. Besides me, there were Linda Wong(王馨平), Kevin Cheng and the relatively more senior, Winnie Lau (劉小慧). To be able to celebrate a universal festival with the fans was undoubtedly a joyous occasion. That night I was truly excited. I arrived extra early at the venue to prepare for my performance. Passing through the stage floor, I saw some early arriving fans. They kept waving at me; every one of those familiar faces was like a heartening syringe injecting me with encouragement. My performance would soon start; I got ready. Standing erect on the backstage, I waited for the MC to announce my name.
10.
Christmas- should be a universal joyous season, but, that Christmas day nine years ago was to me, an absolute nightmare. On December 25th 1993, there was this big outdoor concert held on the east side of Tsim Sha Tsui. The MC made this announcement: “The next singer performing for us is …….Ma Chun Wai!” But my name elicited not a round of applause but an uproar of boos. Boo! Boo! Boo! The jeers were like pins jabbing into my ears. Actually, swept into the swell of boos were some cheers of “Steven!” “Steven!” However, this heartwarming sound of cheering, drown as it was by the deluge of “Down with Steven” heckling, came across desultory and feeble. At that time, I thought: “Who else, besides myself, would have heard it?” I stood like a block of wood backstage, forgoing even a grimace. I was torn: “Should I go out to perform?” or “Should I dig a hole to make a fast escape?” Taking several deep breaths, I could only step out with my back straight, right onto the front stage. Apparently, that promotional slogan did indeed antagonize not sure which singers’ supporters. For no matter how much heart I put into my singing, they still responded hostilely with boos.
As a professional singer facing this kind of shocking, personal attack, I could only bear it. Fortunately, in the audience was also a small section who felt my effort. Under such an adverse situation, their smattering of clapping provided me with the only consolation and support, enabling me to finish my performance. When I returned backstage, I put down the mike, took off my costume, and as for that frozen look of forced smile pasted on my face, that too, slipped off. And, I promptly broke down. I did not return home after leaving the venue. Instead I headed straight to a nearby bar to drink. A glass of cold beer clutched in my hand, tears streamed uncontrollably down my face. I jabbered incessantly, “Why? Why?”
11.
I’m the kind of person who likes to introspect. Ever since young, be it encountering defeat or rejoicing a happy event, I would quietly contemplate the causes behind each occurrence. As I attacked the reasons for the heckling, my hurt could not have been more painful. That night as I drank to drown my pain, I kept on questioning, and I kept on brooding over and over again. Finally, I came to a conclusion. I felt that ultimately people do have to grow up. After this ignominious incident, I believed I would come back stronger than before. Actually, all along, I did understand Management’s point of view. It had to cultivate a newcomer in an intensely competitive environment. So naturally, it had to rack its brain to concoct a publicity stunt that could, in the shortest time, effect a break through in this rat-race. Conversely, I could also understand the public’s point of view: He’s only the new kid on the block, and yet dares to compare himself to the superstars? What arrogance! That kind of big talk was a big turn-off. Seeing each side’s point of view further depressed me to the very pits of despair. A person caught in a distressing situation, yet unable to even find a target for his grievances! All the more painful without a venting outlet or a de-stressing retreat!
For the whole year after my album release, I practically lived in trepidation and lonesomeness. Anxiety; it permeated my every live performance. That Christmas heckling incident haunted me, as I carried its memory into every live performance, always worrying if it was going to repeat itself.
Actually, I should have gotten use to it; because ever since my debut, loud and soft boos had never completely left my ears. And it seemed my panic attacks were getting worse. While standing backstage waiting for the MC to introduce me, I would prep myself, visualizing in advance of rotten eggs flying through the air towards my face. Time passed; the public’s aversion towards me seemed to have lessened considerably, plus my first album’s sales volume was good, so at this time, the company decided to cut a second album for me. It would be a remix album of new and selective old songs. Immersed in work, I slowly gained back my equilibrium. I thought the incident was behind me, but it was not to be, for at this time, I would soon be blind sided by an unexpected even more painful incident.
12.
For a singer, standing on stage singing before an audience should bring immeasurable satisfaction; however, I, of the yesteryear, was stricken with stage fright then. At hearing the MC announced my name, I often times was griped with fright. I was in my 2nd year as a singer when I was invited to perform in a charitable fundraising drive for some catastrophe. As to what catastrophe? I really can’t recall now. Perhaps, when a person finds an experience too painful to absorb, a memory blank will inevitably occur!
The concert was held in Wanzai Elizabeth Sports Authority. As usual, I arrived punctually to the venue, and was all set to be introduced by the emcee. That night, there were two emcees, a man and a woman; the man was Uncle Jim. (Wong Jim) Going by the program, I was next to perform; but Ms. MC did not announce my name when the time came. She said this instead: “Tonight, we have invited Lai Ming _____.” When I heard those words, I was horrified. Know that eight years ago was the heyday of the four heavenly kings. Upon hearing that, the crowd below went wild, screaming frenziedly. What if standing on the stage was not Lai Ming but Ma Chun Wai, what would they do?
No need to second guess. Over the din, Ms. MC continued with her announcement: “Someone who resembles Lai Ming___ ”. I knew Ms. MC did clearly announce my name but, I don’t know whether because I was stricken deaf with terror at that instant, or that the deafening booing overpowered the PA; anyway, “Ma Chun Wai”, these three words, I never heard them being announced at all. This Ms. MC was also in showbiz. Although we were not well-acquainted at that time, I believe she did not intentionally mean any harm to me. She just wanted to enliven the atmosphere. But, those boos truly shattered my heart and dignity to smithereens. The “Where can I dig a hole backstage?” question once again desperately sought out its answer. Fortunately for me, Uncle Jim was there; his words gave me the courage and confidence to step out onto the stage.
13.
When an almost healed wound was suddenly ripped open, the pain and the despondency felt couldn't be imagined. Although, I knew Ms. MC’s use of “.. resembles Lai Ming…” to present me was not ill-intentioned, nevertheless, when I heard it I was transfixed with terror. My mind went blank. Backstage, I heard the riotous heckling and the male emcee, Uncle Jim saying: “What’s the matter? This singer sings very well. He sings with his heart. Listen to him…….” Uncle Jim’s terse remarks swiftly quieted down the crowd. It was precisely because of this esteemed veteran’s encouraging remarks that I was able to re-assemble whatever shredded confidence still left in me to actually find the courage to walk out onto the stage. Perhaps, unknowingly during the past year I had gotten use to performing amidst boos, for that night, I was able to present an outwardly calm and collected demeanor; as I cast aside my trepidation for the moment. I got my wits together, enough to pep talk myself: To be a professional singer, one must be able to perform professionally under any circumstances.
With that in mind, I grasped the mike, closed my eyes, and sang with all my might and all the emotion I could muster. For the next three minutes, my only thought was to sing this song well, nothing else matter. Not until the last note faded away, and I heard the resounding applause did I ascertain my effort did not go to waste. From booing to warm applause, the time interval was exceedingly short, and its turnabout, incredibly abrupt. Caught up in the swing of mood, emotion welled up inside me. Standing on the stage, vaguely discerning an undulating sea of friendly faces, I was so touched I almost cried. I thought: although the crowd’s booing was tough to bear, but to finally receive their acceptance and approval; did it not make this all the more meaningful? I held back my tears, thanked the audience and went backstage. The smile that was moments ago hanging on my face fell off instantly. No need to look at a mirror, I could feel the numbing of my senses on a face void of emotion. The backstage was crowded with people, but I did not utter a word. I withdrew straight into my shell from the past; a very familiar, very private world…
14.
I was withdrawn in my own world; at work, I didn’t even have a friend I could talk to. During that period, my total focus was on my family and work. Around this time, Management arranged for my second album. Ordinarily, I should be jumping with joy at the prospect of an upcoming new project. However, when I heard the new album would be composed mostly of fast songs, I felt as if being struck by a lightning bolt by this unexpected and startling challenge. (At that time, I was of the opinion that I sang slow songs better than fast) What distressed me even more was the news that Management had undertaken a job for me to perform in an extravagant gala to be held in Hong Kong Government Stadium. In a few months’ time, together with a group of newcomers like myself, I would have to perform a song and dance routine on stage!
I was and still am not a very athletic person. Even back then as a student, I was not very good at sports. The most I would do was ride a bike. As I matured, all I did were throw some darts, play some bowling; as it was, volleyball and tennis games were to me already the most extreme sports of interest. Moreover, for a person like me who had never stepped foot inside a disco as yet, dancing was a total mystery. But the job had already been accepted on my behalf. Per my personality, unless the job was declined; otherwise, I would do my best to successfully complete the job. Hence, I promptly shopped for a pair of dancing shoes. Filled with trepidation, I practiced dancing twice a week for three months running. My dance instructor was the renowned Mr. Lam Chin Fung. 林青峰 He knew I had no self-confidence, so he was very generous with his encouragement and praises. I recorded all my practices for later appraisal and making improvements. When family members watched these recordings, they would unanimously declare that I did well. But I knew their approval was merely said as an encouragement to rally me; for truth be told, my dancing was horrendous. Because of lack of self-confidence, just a simple hand movement was difficult for me to master. After several months of continuous practices, my most dreaded day finally arrived.
15.
Despite the three months of intensive training, I still lacked self-confidence in performing on stage. Time elapsed, as days passed by one by one; finally the dreaded day arrived. This event was hosted by TVB to assemble all newcomers in one event. Besides my newcomer peers such as: Kevin Cheng, (郑嘉颖) Linda Wong (王馨平), Liz Kong (江希文) Nicky Wu (吴奇隆), there were also numerous contemporary popular singers participating in the gala. Undoubtedly, this event was major. Dusk fell, the time of the performance drew closer. Hong Kong Stadium was already jam packed with humanity. Observing the imposing scene outside, and visualizing myself dancing in front of the masses before too long, my heart promptly trembled in fright.
Although, I knew my routine inside out, but to relax myself, I practiced my dance moves repeatedly backstage. The backup dancers also joined me in the repetitive run through. However, I still could not shake off my anxiety. My group of newcomers’ program was a medley relay; one singer performing right after another in a sequence of routines. I was scheduled to perform in the middle of the series. As such, my performance timing had to be spot on as there would be no lag time for an emcee announcement, or prep time for leisurely entering the stage; my performance must synchronize not only with the ongoing music rhythm but also with the dancers’ moves. To me, this requirement was of an utmost difficulty; in truth, impossible for me to accomplish. Backstage, I incessantly advised myself to be on the alert for that barrage of drum beats; for that would be my cue to quickly make my entrance on stage, take up my position and perform my first move. I did hear the drum beats; but somehow, as soon as I stepped onto the stage, and even before my feet were firmly planted on stage, the other people had already gone on to the next move.
Although, I knew very well I could not keep up with them, I still tried; but unfortunately, my heart might be there, but not so my effort. As to my glaring misstep, I could not justify it. Could I insist that the whole world got the dancing wrong, that only I did it right? I felt my face freezing up, probably turning blue black right there and then; my smile had already vanished. Hopefully, the audience was so distracted by the myriad of flashing neon lights that my gaffe had gone unnoticed. My only one thought then was to quickly finish this extremely difficult project.
16.
My toughest performance since entering the industry finally came to an end. My colleagues all praised me for my singing, but of my dancing, not one word was uttered. I knew they were just being nice, wanting to console me. After this “conscription’, I was even more against dancing.
I imposed upon myself an unwritten rule: avoid the fast tempo songs, at all costs. If these songs couldn’t be avoided, then at least avoid doing live song and dance routines. I knew very well as a professional singer, this kind of self imposed limitation was totally unwise; but I truly had no confidence in my dancing. It’s just how it was. Fortunately for me, Management was indulgent; henceforth, most of the songs chosen for me were of moderate tempo and melody, usually intonated with melancholy and angst. Singing this kind of songs was my forte, or so I thought at that time. By and by, my singing found a niche with quite a large number of appreciative listeners. This should be cause for celebration; instead, it unwittingly brought me an unexpected problem.
At that time, I had this adapted song, “不再悲观”, a Zhang Yu’s张宇composition. My rendition sparked off two main voices from outside opinions. They consented that I sang the song well; but, at the same time, they criticized my tone and emotive intonation for being too mature for my age. What they meant was that a young singer like myself should radiate youthfulness and verve innate in young people. If I go the soulful, mature singing genre; the full expression of the music would be affected. Moreover, the recording supervisor, Lei Song De, had previously indicated that my ‘weep’ tone was too excessive. This singing style was simply too incongruous with my youthful singer image. As such, Management and I had had many discussions over this dilemma. They believed that young people should be happy and carefree, and asked me why I did not smile more often when I performed. Actually, I wanted to be a happy singer, too; but that my background had pushed me to grow up faster than my peers. While still at high school, I was already holding a job to help out my family, plus my mother’s sickness, and that I did not have had many close friends, on top of that were my recent setbacks in my singing career; all these shaped into a reserved person. A somber person like me standing on stage with fingers raised in victory, acting cute and naïve; I would not be able to stand it; neither, I believe, would the audience.
17.
My disagreement with Management over my singing genre made me feel uneasy, especially with the contract expiration date looming, of which Management had yet to review with me. As such, I was in the dark as to what my future held. Before long, the answer arrived. My agent told me that Management would not renew my contract. Three years of hard work as a singer, and this was the result, my distress was beyond description. Saddened, I still had to decide my future. The company that had nurtured me all this time would no longer be there for me, but there were other recording companies in Hong Kong, right? Would they give me the opportunity? If truly no recording company wants me, then what should I do? When the contract finally ran out, these questions replayed themselves in my head constantly. I knew for sure I like to sing. But personality wise, I seemed unsuited to making it in the entertainment circle. The thought of leaving the industry took roots. It was alright not to be a singer but in the past three years, I had made quite a name for myself. When I walked on the streets, people recognized me. What if I looked to other places for work opportunities? That’s out of question, because my home and family were all in Hong Kong. For me to strike out on my own to a faraway place; I simply could not bear to do it.
This kind of chaotic feelings and thoughts continued for three whole months. Although no longer with the company, I still had my agent and assistant with me. Thanks to my agent, I did have had a considerable amount of performance opportunities. However, when I remembered that I was now a non contracted singer who had no idea when and if ever he would release another album in the future, I lost confidence in myself. I recalled that time before I entered the entertainment industry; Tin Chemical’s owner had said he would welcome me back anytime. At that time, I was touched by his thoughtfulness and high-regard for me. Moreover, I was and am a very adaptable person. Even though it would be a career change; be it back to TinChemical, or set up a publishing company, or sell ice cream, or seek out other career path, I had confidence I would make it work. After a continuous and deliberated struggle, I came to a decision: I will leave the entertainment industry to pursue my fortune elsewhere.
18.
Following the termination of my recording contract, I grappled for three months over my future; finally, I made up my mind to quit the entertainment industry where I had strived for three years. Once the decision was made, I felt an instant lifting of spirit, although pursuing a singing career had always been my desire. But then, suddenly, two back-to-back opportunities came knocking on my door, ultimately altering the course of my career path.
First, fate predestined my encounter with TVB executive, Catherine Tsang 曾勵珍, who remains, to this day, my benefactor. She appeared at the time when I had decided to give up on an entertainment career, for good. She invited me to guest star as a doctor in a TV series, “Files of Justice”. Hitherto, my acting experience was limited to guest starring two episodes of TBV’s “开心华之里” sitcom. Performing in a TV series would be a total new experience for me. What’s more, I might even get to sing a sub-theme song in the series. (which he did)
Next, my agent informed me that 正東唱片公司 (Go East Recording Co.) would collaborate with me to release an album. There I was for most parts, drifting aimlessly through days that blurred into three months with no clear goals in mind for the future; and now, out of the blue, opportunity came rapidly on the heels of another.
Faced with these two options, I felt re-energized. Delirious aside, I wondered at fate’s timely intervention; its timing was impeccable, right on when I was all set to leave entertainment and move on to a difference circle. Why pull me back again? Did it mean I should stay? I had already put in three years in this circle, and was fully cognizant of the vagaries of an entertainment career; a gamble if ever there was one. If I stay, does it mean I would have to gamble one more time? Put in another three more years? How many three years could I bet on?
Contemplating these questions, my feelings were ambivalent, vacillating between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Fortunately, at that time, my interest and aspiration towards entertainment were still high, hence, I chose to stay. And with that, I was able to continue my dual pursuits of acting and singing, and to also get to know a group of veterans from the acting and music circles, respectively.
19.
Stay or leave? I was torn; indeed the decision was not an easy one to make. But after a week of deliberation, I knew I still desired a singing career; so I chose to stay, granting myself another three more years. Nevertheless, my aspiration had been rudely dashed before; it would take a lot of courage to regain my self-confidence. Fortunately, fate was kinder to me, this time around; the road stretching in front became much brighter and easier to travel.
Let’s touch on the music first. When I joined Go East, I met a musician who was a great inspiration to me. He was Alex San, from Malaysia. This musician was not only affable but also very talented. He composed songs for me and supervised my album production. Alex’s work had two distinctive characteristics. First, it had a strong western flavor. Second, his music scope was broad. To sing his song, false voice (sic head voice?) must be utilized. Not only that, the false voice had to be both airy and soft in order to the meet the music criteria. To sing in false voice that sounds pleasant, it is crucial to master vocal breathing. False voice register aside, there was also the matter of registering a smooth transition from real to false voice, and vice versa. All in all, a total new experience to me.
Although this was our first collaboration and our music genres were very dissimilar, my experience with my previous company had wised me up to the fact that a singer must be audacious in testing new waters. Actually, in my last album by my former company, my singing style and songs had already diverged from my usual repertoire. Because of my new attitude in embracing change plus Alex’s patient mentoring, also the three months of constant deliberations and the untiring practices in the recording room; my fourth album “蜜糖” (Honey) since entering the industry, was finally released. There was a lot of chemistry among Alex, my new colleagues and myself while working on the album. This album not only broadened my singing genre but, also garnered positive responses from the public. All in all, “Honey” album was a notable milestone in my music journey.
~~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~~~~~
That’s all, folks, this will conclude my translation on Steven’s memoir 2002 which described in details his turbulent early start as a singer in the entertainment industry. Hope reading it has helped you to better understand Steven, the man. Steven has sure come a long way, step by step, to what he is now, an accomplished actor, singer and writer. Thanks for reading.
Source: baidu steven memoir
Translator: Tamaya
