The many criticisms on Grace Wong's news articles on Jaynestars prompted me to translate this essay Steven's book.
Blowing Your Own Trumpet自拉自唱
I truly dread those people who incessantly talk about the ‘glory’ of their accumulated good deeds, especially those who think just by their pressing the elevator open/close door button they have done you a good deed.
I am not being ‘arrogant’ (串), but I honestly don’t get it; just life’s minor stuff; just common courtesy; just something so common it’s no longer unusual; but, why is that there are always some people who like to look upon this minuscule stuff that can’t even be seen clearly under a microscope as some unforgettable, extraordinary kind deeds?
Earlier, I listened to a radio program. Because it was halfway through when I tuned in I did not know who the speaker was. But gauging from the voice, should be a forty-fifty something years old, well educated and widely traveled woman. Because of her sweet voice, I was promptly drawn in and I listened attentively to her sharing.
At first I quite enjoyed listening to her. She was regaling listeners with tales of her globe trotting experiences. Her anecdotes had substance. Her depiction of various local cultures was lively and vivid. I was duly engrossed. But later when she talked about foreign travelers encountering inconveniences in their travels because of the language barrier, my opinion of her changed from appreciation to aversion!
Since she knew multiple languages, when traveling in a foreign country, she, of her own initiation, often acted as interpreter to her fellow tourists who did not know the language of the country they were in. This in itself was admirable but the problem arose when within that short ten minutes, she repeatedly stressed her ‘kind heart’, her ‘kindness’, her ‘willingness to help others’; this kind of phrases. I didn't exaggerate. When she repeatedly used these words to make herself look good, I truly couldn’t stand it. I cringed, listening to her. So as not to have my mood spoilt I changed to another channel.
Actually, I mean no disrespect to the lady but this kind of presentation truly made me think she was blowing her own trumpet.
People who help others should think of it as a matter of course, not seeking praises in return. The recipients: heart feels gratitude, and also feel warm.
Anyway, there’s this Chinese saying, “大恩不言謝” (No words can adequately express my gratitude for your help/favor.) This inconsequential help, why mention? (這等小幫忙, 又何足掛齒?)
Praises, coming from other people’s mouths, always outweigh blowing one's own trumpet!
圖文並謬 2008 Pp 128-129
Showing posts with label book - 圖文並謬. Show all posts
Showing posts with label book - 圖文並謬. Show all posts
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Review by a blogger
Posted by on 11 November 2009 - 10:42 AM
作者:晚来风急 - a Singapore TV scriptwriter
http://cpengng.blogspot.com/
translator: Tamaya
Taiwan television has grown by leaps and bounds this past decade with the satellite channels predominating in my household, hence I have not watched TVB series for a long time now. One day while at a bookstore I came upon the name, “Ma Chun Wai”, I did not even know that TVB had such a person. The other book that also momentarily caught my eye was Pang Jie’s 潘秀琼 (tn: Poon Sow Keng, a 60s-70s famous singer) biography. Both are books by artistes: one is a biography; the other, a collection of prose essays. I chose Ma Chun Wai’s 《图文并谬》.
That I chose Ma Chun Wai’s is not because he is an artiste but that I could not believe an artist can write a book. Like how Pang Jie’s book is not written by her, but Ma Chun Wai’s is a prose essay book at that. Artiste vs prose essays – made me very curious; enticing because it intrigues. What kind of a logic is this? None, just intuition. So my apologies to Pang Jie for I only skimmed her book penned by 玉嬌 before returning it back on its spot on the shelf.
Actually, what made me pick Ma Chun Wai was primarily because of the few pages he wrote of his mother. Mother Ma passed away because of cancer. Ma Chun Wai’s writing was unadorned and subdued yet imbued with heart and genuineness. I have never appreciated melodramatic essays; too much histrionics. In fact, the over-the-top kind of unrestrained emotional essays made me feel smothered.
He wrote when his mother was diagnosed with cancer, he was only six years old. At the time when his mother frequently carried a heap of medicines home after her doctor visit, he was merely curious. Why mother had to consume so much medicine?
During middle school, when he finally knew what cancer was, he was panic stricken and felt helpless. He went to a corner at the school all by himself and sobbed bitterly.
Mother under Father and family’s solicitous care lived her life uneventfully for 22 years. Just when we thought Mother was blessed, the author’s pen tip shifted. He wrote that within those 22 years, she had had 3 relapses; her hearing, smell, and taste faculties; all gone. Just one sentence conveys a ton of unbearable pain.
It is precisely this kind of pen strokes that evinced Ma Chun Wai’s restrain. Later, Mother even lost the ability to ingest food, therefore could not eat. Doctor said the only way to let her live was to drill a hole into her stomach to get food into her. But Mother refused. Naturally, the author did not want to force her, but at the same time, he felt helpless against life. So at that very moment, for the very first time, he wept helplessly in front of his mother. That Mother could persist over the years of adversity was due to her unceasing optimism in the face of suffering. Son crying in the public was like a knife into Mother’s heart, and so she gave in. Subsequently, food flowed into the stomach, but the lungs got infected; she departed.
A very moving story indeed, but the emotions aroused were not through the written words, but through what were not written.
To better understand Ma Chun Wai, I watched some of his short videos which further deepens my appreciation for this Hong Kong artiste. As artistes, they should possess this kind of class and inner substance (氣質和內涵). Both are artistes of small islands, but I just can’t understand why ours are so much more inferior?
-- original in Chinese
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Anxiety Attack
Anxiety Attacks
I have had a mood disorder, but it wasn’t depression. Can’t remember when my chest suddenly had this discomfort. This kind of discomfort was very unpleasant! Besides the sudden accelerated heart rate, there was also a series of symptoms that included anxiety, difficult breathing, shaky hands and legs, even worse, this dreadful vertigo of hovering between life and death. People, this is no exaggeration but the unvarnished truth. My first time to emergency dept in the hospital was precisely because of this malaise. At the time, inhaling three breaths only one absorbed by the lungs; hands and feet grew icy cold; face devoid of blood; heart palpated so fast as if disintegrating; overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness and helplessness! I thought I had a serious illness, if not cancer then a heart disease, the outcome was, at the hospital the doctor after asking me some questions gave me a paper bag and instructed me to breathe slowly into the bag.
What kind of treatment is this? I thought to myself silently cussing the doctor. Here I am, close to death with no emergency care, only a paper bag handed to me? Feeling hopeless, I thought: “Have to bid farewell to this world soon.”
But, a miracle happened! Less than two minutes, I suddenly felt much better, and the earlier symptoms had all but dissipated. Conversely, I felt the warmth coursing through my body. Regaining clarity, I asked the doctor what actually happened. The doctor told me I hyperventilated.
Huh! Hyperventilation could be that awful? How could that be? Turn out that hyperventilation is just a side effect; severe stress and anxiety are the real cause! Because anxiety creates extreme stress, and stress induces accelerated breathing that severely constricts the oxygen intake into the body, thus producing my earlier condition.
Ok! Extreme anxiety caused it. But, is anxiety an illness?
Heavens! So anxiety can be an illness? After the previous bout, I consulted a reputable doctor, and finally came to this conclusion, I had an anxiety disorder! What is an anxiety disorder? I had no idea. Was it a virus/bacteria infection? Or caused by a disease? I could not comprehend. At the time, I only knew to ask the doctor what medicine could cure it. How to prevent it from recurring?
The doctor laughed and said that it is not a health issue but a psychological malaise. Huh! I have a psychological problem? Isn’t it the same as having a mental problem? I worried.
Later, the doctor explicitly explained to me the causes for anxiety disorder normally sprung from unreleased stresses. The anxiety often came from overly worrying and distress. He also said what can save you is not medicine but yourself!
Listening, I understood the real core of the matter.
Actually people often unwittingly increase their own worries, obviously the problem is not theirs but they still insist on shouldering it. Obviously the fault is not mine but still will shut oneself up and reflect upon one's mistakes. But then again, the person who should contemplate, should do self-examination, and should understand, does he have to be me?
The doctor’s single remark awakened the oblivious me; every time taking on unnecessary responsibility and putting pressure on oneself; not only did not receive approvals but also endangering health, what’s the point of it?
After this lesson, I have learned to take on what I can handle, and that not everything would turn out the way as expected, just so long the conscience is clear it’s fine. Today my anxiety attack may occasionally resurface but its symptoms are much weaker than in the past. At this moment in time, there are still many responsibilities that I cannot let go. But what can be let go they are no longer on my shoulders.
what time over there?
translated by VV@asianfanatics Retrospection
Towards illness, Steven has deep thoughts. He was a victim of an illness "Panic Attack" four years ago. The symptoms of such an illness are sudden tightening of nerves, giddiness, freezing of limbs, trembling hands, breathing problems, abnormal heart palpitations. "The main cause comes from stress. If I cannot calm myself down or relax myself, and if I am always on the Get-Ready mode, the illness will relapse. These few months, I suffered relapses and once, I even had to stay home for 10 days. There was another time when I was posing for a magazine photoshot, my hand trembled nonstop suddenly and had to be rushed to the hospital."
*****************************************************
I have had a mood disorder, but it wasn’t depression. Can’t remember when my chest suddenly had this discomfort. This kind of discomfort was very unpleasant! Besides the sudden accelerated heart rate, there was also a series of symptoms that included anxiety, difficult breathing, shaky hands and legs, even worse, this dreadful vertigo of hovering between life and death. People, this is no exaggeration but the unvarnished truth. My first time to emergency dept in the hospital was precisely because of this malaise. At the time, inhaling three breaths only one absorbed by the lungs; hands and feet grew icy cold; face devoid of blood; heart palpated so fast as if disintegrating; overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness and helplessness! I thought I had a serious illness, if not cancer then a heart disease, the outcome was, at the hospital the doctor after asking me some questions gave me a paper bag and instructed me to breathe slowly into the bag.
What kind of treatment is this? I thought to myself silently cussing the doctor. Here I am, close to death with no emergency care, only a paper bag handed to me? Feeling hopeless, I thought: “Have to bid farewell to this world soon.”
But, a miracle happened! Less than two minutes, I suddenly felt much better, and the earlier symptoms had all but dissipated. Conversely, I felt the warmth coursing through my body. Regaining clarity, I asked the doctor what actually happened. The doctor told me I hyperventilated.
Huh! Hyperventilation could be that awful? How could that be? Turn out that hyperventilation is just a side effect; severe stress and anxiety are the real cause! Because anxiety creates extreme stress, and stress induces accelerated breathing that severely constricts the oxygen intake into the body, thus producing my earlier condition.
Ok! Extreme anxiety caused it. But, is anxiety an illness?
Heavens! So anxiety can be an illness? After the previous bout, I consulted a reputable doctor, and finally came to this conclusion, I had an anxiety disorder! What is an anxiety disorder? I had no idea. Was it a virus/bacteria infection? Or caused by a disease? I could not comprehend. At the time, I only knew to ask the doctor what medicine could cure it. How to prevent it from recurring?
The doctor laughed and said that it is not a health issue but a psychological malaise. Huh! I have a psychological problem? Isn’t it the same as having a mental problem? I worried.
Later, the doctor explicitly explained to me the causes for anxiety disorder normally sprung from unreleased stresses. The anxiety often came from overly worrying and distress. He also said what can save you is not medicine but yourself!
Listening, I understood the real core of the matter.
Actually people often unwittingly increase their own worries, obviously the problem is not theirs but they still insist on shouldering it. Obviously the fault is not mine but still will shut oneself up and reflect upon one's mistakes. But then again, the person who should contemplate, should do self-examination, and should understand, does he have to be me?
The doctor’s single remark awakened the oblivious me; every time taking on unnecessary responsibility and putting pressure on oneself; not only did not receive approvals but also endangering health, what’s the point of it?
After this lesson, I have learned to take on what I can handle, and that not everything would turn out the way as expected, just so long the conscience is clear it’s fine. Today my anxiety attack may occasionally resurface but its symptoms are much weaker than in the past. At this moment in time, there are still many responsibilities that I cannot let go. But what can be let go they are no longer on my shoulders.
Author: Steven Ma
圖文並謬 Pp 68-70
Translator: Tamaya
TN: What I love about Steven is that he looks his weaknesses and faults in the eye and call them for what they are, and if can make fix them, and not sweep them under the rug. And so as his fan, I learn from his example. From pure speculation, Steven panic attacks were especially rampant between late 2002-2003 until he 'escaped' to mainland to heal himself.
related materials: what time over there?
His grief over his mom’s death, his anxiety over work; all these, he blithely brushed aside and affected a nonchalant front. Unwittingly, the more he put into his career, the more harm he piled onto himself. Until one day, his heartbeats sped up abnormally to about 150 beats per minute. He had to seek emergency care in the hospital. The diagnosis was an onslaught of a panic attacks. (TN: Recently, Steven was diagnosed with a congenital heart condition that causes abnormal heart palpitations. A surgery is required to permanently fix the problem. As such, his previously diagnosed “panic attacks” might have been due to his heart problem.) His doctor said his malaise was due to his persistent suppression of his emotions. Once in Shanghai, he suffered an anxiety episode, so bad so that he requested a sick leave from the movie company; he was replaced by another actor.
“They were brought on by stress. Now, I know how to relax myself. I’m fine now. The spells have not recurred for a long time.”
translated by VV@asianfanatics Retrospection
Towards illness, Steven has deep thoughts. He was a victim of an illness "Panic Attack" four years ago. The symptoms of such an illness are sudden tightening of nerves, giddiness, freezing of limbs, trembling hands, breathing problems, abnormal heart palpitations. "The main cause comes from stress. If I cannot calm myself down or relax myself, and if I am always on the Get-Ready mode, the illness will relapse. These few months, I suffered relapses and once, I even had to stay home for 10 days. There was another time when I was posing for a magazine photoshot, my hand trembled nonstop suddenly and had to be rushed to the hospital."
*****************************************************
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| sm baidu |
Monday, January 2, 2012
Short-sightedness, view the world!
I am short-sighted. So normally I wear contact lens, however, when I get home and have no need to venture out later, I will take off my contacts and wear my traditional, plastic, black-frame spectacles. Many friends have urged me to do lasik surgery! But I remained unmoved. It’s not that I don’t trust today’s technology but that my heart just isn’t in it. The body, hair, and skin are all from the parents. Apart from illness that requires unavoidable surgery, I truly don’t want anything to change any part of my body.
Maybe it is my obstinacy! But, if it is not necessary why the superfluous act?
For instance, the recent plastic surgery issue, the botox injection to slim the face, or the injection of such and such ABCD for boobs enlargement. Spent money and time, suffered physical pain, all in exchange for an unknown outcome that may or may not be ideal. I am not merging lasik and plastic surgery into one topic, but rather I am talking about this need to pursue a flawless perfection.
Who does not have a deficiency/flaw? From interior to exterior, from the heart to the spirit, I believe every person, no matter what, possesses a different layer or form of deficiency. Also, whether the impact of the deficiency is of the serious or presentation nature. However, whether the deficiency is acceptable or not is totally dependable on personal outlook. If single eyelids are considered a flaw then I love this flaw! If not physically buff then I will engage in weight lifting! If lacking in knowledge is considered a deficiency then I will take up studying!
All these deficiencies if so desired can be changed or be accepted. Conversely, if technology can improve some bodily defects, then of course, that is a good thing. But what I cannot condone are the changes done in pursuit of so-called ‘beauty’.
Admittedly, I was quite miffed when writing this article; please don’t be offended, it was just a fleeting expression of thought, that’s all!
By the way, almost forgot to mention to you all that there is another reason why I refuse to do lasik. I like that feel of viewing the world without glasses. That blurriness, so unclear can be at times be even clearer than with glasses on.
pp 52-53
Maybe it is my obstinacy! But, if it is not necessary why the superfluous act?
For instance, the recent plastic surgery issue, the botox injection to slim the face, or the injection of such and such ABCD for boobs enlargement. Spent money and time, suffered physical pain, all in exchange for an unknown outcome that may or may not be ideal. I am not merging lasik and plastic surgery into one topic, but rather I am talking about this need to pursue a flawless perfection.
Who does not have a deficiency/flaw? From interior to exterior, from the heart to the spirit, I believe every person, no matter what, possesses a different layer or form of deficiency. Also, whether the impact of the deficiency is of the serious or presentation nature. However, whether the deficiency is acceptable or not is totally dependable on personal outlook. If single eyelids are considered a flaw then I love this flaw! If not physically buff then I will engage in weight lifting! If lacking in knowledge is considered a deficiency then I will take up studying!
All these deficiencies if so desired can be changed or be accepted. Conversely, if technology can improve some bodily defects, then of course, that is a good thing. But what I cannot condone are the changes done in pursuit of so-called ‘beauty’.
Admittedly, I was quite miffed when writing this article; please don’t be offended, it was just a fleeting expression of thought, that’s all!
By the way, almost forgot to mention to you all that there is another reason why I refuse to do lasik. I like that feel of viewing the world without glasses. That blurriness, so unclear can be at times be even clearer than with glasses on.
pp 52-53
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
One Pen Ma: From Smiling to Crying
Clear Newspaper
Column:One Pen Ma
Date:12/15/2011
From Smiling to Crying
There’s this saying: When young, always cry, cry, but in the end, smile; when grown, always smile, smile, but in the end, cry. I quite like this saying, simple and direct. When people grew up, they often lost that simplicity and courage of the past. When young if wanted to smile, then smile; if wanted to cry, then cry. But now, uttering a word or emoting an expression sometimes requires thinking twice. Actually can’t blame this on anybody. Within the adult word, there’s this set of rules for the adults.
This set of rules I have already grasped from young, courtesy of my early entry into the work force, plus my early work experiences were in sales dealing with people day in day out. Said I don't understand this human attitude or its rationale? That would be fibbing you. But, what "I understand" and "what I do" are two different things.
I’m a discerning person but at the same time I’m also a person who holds fast to my principles. I will embrace all matters that are reasonable, fair and legitimate with alacrity. Conversely, when faced with matter that is unacceptable, or unlawful, or unjust, I will without hesitation say: “No way.”
Having live till now, I’m proud of myself for shunning the crooked road. Maybe some people would say I’m too “upright” or too stubborn, but to be able to travel the right path as the real me, the smile is genuine.
TN: I like this article a lot. It reinforcing Steven's literary eloquence.
***** more*******
similar article, Black and White, from Steven's book
Column:One Pen Ma
Date:12/15/2011
From Smiling to Crying
There’s this saying: When young, always cry, cry, but in the end, smile; when grown, always smile, smile, but in the end, cry. I quite like this saying, simple and direct. When people grew up, they often lost that simplicity and courage of the past. When young if wanted to smile, then smile; if wanted to cry, then cry. But now, uttering a word or emoting an expression sometimes requires thinking twice. Actually can’t blame this on anybody. Within the adult word, there’s this set of rules for the adults. This set of rules I have already grasped from young, courtesy of my early entry into the work force, plus my early work experiences were in sales dealing with people day in day out. Said I don't understand this human attitude or its rationale? That would be fibbing you. But, what "I understand" and "what I do" are two different things.
I’m a discerning person but at the same time I’m also a person who holds fast to my principles. I will embrace all matters that are reasonable, fair and legitimate with alacrity. Conversely, when faced with matter that is unacceptable, or unlawful, or unjust, I will without hesitation say: “No way.”
Having live till now, I’m proud of myself for shunning the crooked road. Maybe some people would say I’m too “upright” or too stubborn, but to be able to travel the right path as the real me, the smile is genuine.
TN: I like this article a lot. It reinforcing Steven's literary eloquence.
***** more*******
similar article, Black and White, from Steven's book
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
# 1 Favorite Prose Essay - landgull
Please do not repost!
The Land Gull
陸鷗
Once, I was on an ocean liner for a cruise vacation. It was late at night; I couldn’t sleep, and had nothing better to do. So I stepped out onto the balcony off my berth for some fresh air and for the ‘night scene”.
The so-called night scene was but a pitch black stretch of horizon. Out in the Pacific Ocean, late at night? What’s there to see? Only the lights from the ship itself, and the churned waves nonchalantly breaking into big and small frothy white foams against the ship! Gazing! Gazing! What was there to see?
In the heart of an ocean, the winds were gusty, and chilly too; the feeling was of utmost solitariness and desolation! Suddenly, out there, drifted a speck of brightness! Not a reflection of a light or a spirit. Looking closely, it was a seagull!
Haha! My homeless gaze finally found a foothold to land on. I watched the seagull followed the ship at a rhythmic pace. Sometimes ahead, sometimes behind; occasionally flapping vigorously its wings, occasionally extending its wings and gliding gracefully; framed within the boundless ocean, it appeared aloof and proud!
Suddenly, I felt an urge to converse with it!
“Seagull, in this cold, dark night, flying all alone by yourself, where are you headed to? I’m going to reach Japan tomorrow. How about this? Don’t overly tire yourself by flying nonstop. Why don’t you rest for a while on the deck? Get a goodnight sleep. When day breaks, you’ll be ashore. Don’t worry, if the cruise ship charges you fare, I’ll pay for you!”
Not sure if the seagull actually understood what I said, but it appeared affronted. Slowly, it took off and flew farther and farther away, becoming smaller and smaller, smaller and dimmer. Finally it disappeared into the darkness. Seeing it disappearing, a sense of loss crept into my heart.
I continued to stand on the balcony, gazing out at sea. Suddenly, I couldn’t help but laugh aloud….
My wishful thinking had me feel that it was lonely and weary, as such, stirred my desire to take it onto shore. It declined, and so, I felt a loss! Oh please! It’s a seagull; as the name denotes, it is a gull out at sea. If forcibly taken onto the shore, won’t it become a “landgull” instead? Moreover, did it tell me it was lonely, or that it was weary? This was purely my wishful thinking, did it agree to it? And so, gazing and pondering, just like that, an hour or so had flown by! Feeling weary now, I might as well go to bed!
Before nodding off, I looked out at the balcony, and in my heart, said, “Seagull, you’d accompanied and played with me for an hour, thank you!” pp 62-63
# 2 Favorite Prose Essay - durian mangosteen romance
The Romance of Durian and Mangosteen
榴山戀
Durian is called the king of fruits, and in my opinion, well-deserved. Its flesh is custardy and fragrant, and palatable to boot. It is richly nutritious, and is loaded with all kinds of vitamins and protein. Therefore, it is also regarded as a nutritional supplement. However, since durian is classified as a ‘heaty’ fruit that purportedly can raise the body heat, one should limit its consumption and not overindulge.
Conversely, mangosteen, considered the “queen of fruits”, is of the cooling food genus. Its flesh is succulent and delicately flavored; its sweetness tempered with a slight tartness. Each mangosteen contains only a few fleshy segments, but because its taste is so light and refreshing, as a summer fruit it is most enticing.
Durian and mangosteen; one is ‘heaty’, the other cooling; one emits a strong pungent odor, the other a fruity refreshing aroma. They differ greatly in outer appearance, flavor, attributes, and shape, seemingly incompatible; yet when paired, they surprisingly complement each other’s respective ‘heaty’ and ‘cooling’ attribute.
Mother Nature has her own rules of balancing nature; likewise, the rules of human interactions are just as interesting. Some psychologists assert that women and men were originally from different planets; subsequently they met on earth, became acquainted and got to know each other, fell in love, and finally got married and had children. However, to claim that women and men originated from separate planets, one might as well allegorize that men were durians and women were mangosteens.
That once upon a time, long long ago, Durian met Mangosteen in a jungle. The two fruits were mutually attracted, and swept up in a whirlwind romance. In the beginning, they were so much in love that they had eyes only for each other’s virtues.
Mangosteen loved Durian’s strong and sturdy appearance, his heroic masculinity and solidness; undoubtedly, a good candidate as an ideal husband. Durian loved Mangosteen’s gentleness and graciousness, petiteness and unique personality; a good candidate as an ideal wife.
However, while planning their wedding, they argued constantly over differing opinions. He said, she said; and none willing to back down. Their arguments turned acrimonious, segueing into personal attacks. Mangosteen belittled Durian for his stinking odor, his spiky form and his inconsideration. Durian recriminated Mangosteen for constantly wearing a ‘black’ face day in and day out, and that she was as insipid as lukewarm water, totally vapid.
Their escalating recriminations were acerbic and bitter. Their hearts broke, and the two fruits soon parted ways. Days passed, Durian and Mangosteen were suddenly taken seriously ill. Durian was afflicted with Afired Heart disease, (熱毒攻心)while Mangosteen, Frigid Heart illness. (寒氣入侵). Coincidentally, the antidote for their respective afflictions happened to be their respective flesh. And so they scheduled a meeting. They were subdued at the rendezvous, but upon seeing each other’s wan and sickly countenance, sadness welled up from deep within them. And tears streamed down Mangosteen’s face. Seeing her thus, tenderness filled Durian’s heart; without a word, he cracked opened his spiky husk, selected a part of him and proffered it to Mangosteen. Likewise, Mangosteen also forcibly slit opened herself, picked a sliver of white flesh, and in turn offered it to Durian. At that very moment, both fruits got to look deep into each other’s heart. Despite Durian’s tough exterior, inside him lay a heart of gold. (金光萬丈) Despite Mangosteen’s dark exterior, inside her was a heart of pure jade. (潔白如玉).
After this exchange, the fruits got to know each other all over again. Their love deepened, and finally they tied the knot and lived happily ever after. pp 42-43
I picked this essay as my 2nd favorite for several reasons: 1) Very unexpected that Steven would write about these 2 tropical fruits let alone a romance story for them. 2) The romance of these fruits is not only creative but also meaningful, and thoroughly appealed to the romantic side in me. 3) The romantic relationship between two unlikely and opposite fruits gives a glimpse into the Steven's own romantic, sensitive and creative nature. 4) The story is awww sweet and very romantic.
Undoubtedly Steven loves that essay too because he posted it on his weibo. 2010-8-17 12:42
Monday, October 24, 2011
# 3 Favorite Prose Essay - 1874
1874
I like to meditate, sometimes got so into it that I became quite peculiar. I often suspect that I do not belong to this era. Close friends know that I am very fond of singer Eason Chan’s 1874. I like it not because of the movie, but because of the lyrics.“Why couldn’t I make it in time to be born in 1874? Be earlier by exactly 100 years, an era……though unacquainted & unrelated as contemporaries, but at least, could live and die in the same era.”
If I were born in 1874, then what I experienced would relate to one of China’s most turbulent eras. The weakness of late Qing; the invasion of the Great Powers; the signing of the Treaty of 1901; country invaded, internal strifes; Japanese occupation; the 9.18 Mukden Incident; 7.7 Marco Polo Bridge Incident; The Nanking Massacre; the post 1949 reconstruction Chinese Cultural Revolution, so on and so forth. All these and more during China’s most turbulent era in the past century had inflicted her people with ineffaceable pain and hatred, too.
The elders told me it is a blessing indeed not to be born into that era!
True, what I know about that era is either from books or documentary films. I did not experience its turbulence nor endure it. But perhaps of my wont to transport myself through contemplation: the despair, the pain, that moment of hopelessness, that indelible hatred; I felt as if I had been through them!
If I were living in that era, I would step out; step out alongside the national army to protect homes and country, and to defend our motherland and her honor, her citizens’ properties and wealth, her citizens’ lives, and most of all, her citizens’ dignity. Even though during that era staying alive was no easy task, but to lose my country - I would rather risk my life and shed blood, at least, it was done in the name of nationalism!
Truly, living in this present society, I sometimes feel distress. Distress? Really it should be bliss! I live in Hong Kong, a prosperous and vigorous city with hardly any natural calamities, and well-protected by motherland to boot; in my opinion, it is a patch of Heaven’s playground. To be able to live here is indeed a blessing!
But, oftentimes when immersed in happiness, one tends to become overly pampered, therefore, one tends to become more demanding of this and that from life; one tends to be more demanding of this and that from Hong Kong; one tends to become more demanding of this and that from the country. So, what of one’s own demands of oneself?
Mankind’s greatest shortcoming has to be if they make no demands of themselves. People who have no demands of themselves tend to become irresponsible, habitually shifting responsibilities onto others, while conversely becoming overly demanding of others.
If I were like that, I would soon become a zombie, a person of no tomorrows!
Although this may not be the only approach, it is one of them, which is, to bow one’s head in introspection. Introspection is the best approach because the answers are usually found during the self-reflecting process. Whatever I could do today, I’d first ask myself before I ask others; before I take, I’d ask my contribution first; before I ask tomorrow, I’d ask yesterday first!
Maybe my love for 1874 is because I want to ask 1874!
source:圖文並謬 pp16-17
related images fanmade banner of Steven as Emperor Kuang Hsu
fans' review on 1874 in Chinese
Sunday, October 23, 2011
# 4 Favorite Prose Essay - pork bones veggie soup
This essay is picked for its content.
Pork Bones Dried Veggie Soup
Pork Bones Dried Veggie Soup
菜乾豬骨湯
Drinking the pork bones dried veggie soup that father made for me, I feel deeply moved. I remember one day when I woke up, father was busy fiddling with my broken hot water heater. Busy doing what? Apparently a few days ago, he had called up a repair and service company and scheduled for a repairman to come over between 1 to 3 pm.
I woke up at 10 am. Frankly, whenever a stranger comes over to my house, I always feel a bit uncomfortable and will stay in my bedroom. When the stranger leaves, only then will I come out of the room. It is not because I am an artiste, but rather it is a habit acquired since young. But this time it was obviously not going to work. And so I told my father I am going to work out, will be back soon.
At the gym, whatever needed to be done, I did. Can’t over exercise now, right? Check the clock, there’s still time so I took a nap in the resting area. When I woke up it was only 12:30 pm. What to do? I had no other place to go to. So, wander around town or go home? I’d much rather go home.
I woke up at 10 am. Frankly, whenever a stranger comes over to my house, I always feel a bit uncomfortable and will stay in my bedroom. When the stranger leaves, only then will I come out of the room. It is not because I am an artiste, but rather it is a habit acquired since young. But this time it was obviously not going to work. And so I told my father I am going to work out, will be back soon.
At the gym, whatever needed to be done, I did. Can’t over exercise now, right? Check the clock, there’s still time so I took a nap in the resting area. When I woke up it was only 12:30 pm. What to do? I had no other place to go to. So, wander around town or go home? I’d much rather go home.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
# 5 Favorite Prose Essay - forget hate
Forget Hate
忘恨!Indeed, sometimes, love’s flip side is hate. 有時, 愛的反面, 真的挺恨的！But not so for me! 說的, 不是我! Frankly, in my philosophy, love can be infinite, but hate is as to forget. 愛可以很盡, 但恨, 等如忘!
There are friends of mine, who only yesterday were inseparable, pledging vows of undying love, but in the instance of falling out or in a fit of intolerance would cast their past off like ashes into the winds! Even to the extreme of becoming bitter enemies bent on destroying each other.
If cannot be good friends or lovers, does it mean they cannot co-exist peacefully in the same place? Who gains? Who loses? It just cannot be distinctly clarified or delineated. But, people, oftentimes, like to shove all the blame onto the other party. Never mind how you are feeling, at least, I feel better.
Yeah! You feel better. I don’t. Enough!
Not enough! For some people, it is just not enough! Who owes who? Let’s not get into that just yet. Both parties or maybe just one of them will content with nothing less than his/her ex’s “death”. Death, be it the literal annihilation of life or the figurative ruining of life. In any case, hate you is just that, hate you! 反正恨你, 就是恨!
This kind of mindset is shared by both females and males alike. Moreover, this kind of mindset has nothing to do with being self-centered or not. I believe it is an inherent trait in human nature; to possess. 佔有!
This desire to possess; it is very insidious! It can push people towards atrocity, malevolence, cold-bloodedness and even self-debasement. Or perhaps to infect people you hate with this frame of mind and behavior that you yourself do not wish to possess.
I, truly, do not want to be this way!
Once person to person destiny is over, they should split! Split? To what degree? The ultimate split should be to forget! It maybe difficult to forget everything all at once, but heading that direction cannot be wrong. Although to forget may be seen as evasion, but I also believe between ‘forget’ and ‘hate’, ‘forget’ is better than ‘hate’. 我也相信﹐忘和恨, 忘比恨好﹗
source: 圖文並謬 pp 42-43
Translator: Tamaya
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Note: My favorite essays are chosen based on their contents and Steven's eloquent writing, and also because they give a glimpse into Steven's thoughts and the kind of person he is. Like I find this essay's writing very elegant: poignant in his words; eloquent in its brevity of words. I like how he strung the words together so much so I reposted some of them in the translated piece.
In this case, Steven practices what he preaches; he buried the hatchet with Sonija Kwok and become friends again, at least outwardly. Admittedly, before their made nice, I was prejudiced against Sonija in that I did not think well of her. But because of Steven's outward display of friendship towards her, I have since become neutral towards her and wish her well in her future. Haha! My attitude is so weird because I don't even know her but an idol's behavior can greatly influence fans' attitude. It is important fans picked the right role model to emulate.
So, a good advice to readers, forget hate because ‘forget’ is better than ‘hate’.
Countdown: 5 more days to Steven's birthday, Oct 26.
Book - In remembrance
This essay is NOT among my top 7 favorite essays, I posted it in light of little Yue Yue's tragedy and because it highlighted and reinforced Steven's sympathetic and empathetic personality.
Dedicated to Man Lok
送給文諾
Liu Kai Chi and Chan Man Yee’s youngest son, Man Lok, has departed for his heavenly home. I don’t know Uncle Chi or Man Yee at all, nevertheless, I paid great attention to Man Lok’s illness. I may not have a parent's feelings but I have personally experienced taking care of a terminally ill family member. Concerning my experience, not going into it, but I do want to comment on this particular family.
As parents, how could they not be sad at their son’s passing away! That kind of pain is beyond the expression of written or verbal words. Soon after Man Lok’s passing, I happened upon Uncle Chi’s interview airing on a certain television station. My tears fell.
Throughout the whole interview, Uncle Chi was very calm and composed. He said his whole family is Christian, and that their viewpoint on death maybe be different from other people’s. He said although Man Lok has departed but to him, he just left earlier for his heavenly home and to the Lord’s embrace. One day, the whole family will unite again!
I am not a Christian*, but after hearing Uncle Chi’s words, sadness notwithstanding, there was also comfort. Life on earth, the meaning and the worth of living are not measured by the length of time. Lived a long life but never experienced the warmth of the mortal world, what’s the point? Lived a short life but enjoyed all the love and warmth of the mortal world, what’s there to regret? Today, Man Lok is in the Lord’s embrace. Although only lived for just a 6 brief years, I believe Man Lok had experienced to the fullest both his parents' and older brothers' love and tender care for him. Today, he is experiencing another kind of love in another dimension. He is already silently reciprocating his family’s longing and love for him!
Best wishes: Uncle Chi and Man Yee, Man Zit and Man Sun will continue their optimistic outlook towards all future challenges, and to propagate the most glorious side of humans to the world, and to forever keep the most precious emotion in life deep within their hearts.
source: 圖文並謬 58-59
Dedicated to Man Lok
送給文諾
Liu Kai Chi and Chan Man Yee’s youngest son, Man Lok, has departed for his heavenly home. I don’t know Uncle Chi or Man Yee at all, nevertheless, I paid great attention to Man Lok’s illness. I may not have a parent's feelings but I have personally experienced taking care of a terminally ill family member. Concerning my experience, not going into it, but I do want to comment on this particular family.
As parents, how could they not be sad at their son’s passing away! That kind of pain is beyond the expression of written or verbal words. Soon after Man Lok’s passing, I happened upon Uncle Chi’s interview airing on a certain television station. My tears fell.
Throughout the whole interview, Uncle Chi was very calm and composed. He said his whole family is Christian, and that their viewpoint on death maybe be different from other people’s. He said although Man Lok has departed but to him, he just left earlier for his heavenly home and to the Lord’s embrace. One day, the whole family will unite again!
I am not a Christian*, but after hearing Uncle Chi’s words, sadness notwithstanding, there was also comfort. Life on earth, the meaning and the worth of living are not measured by the length of time. Lived a long life but never experienced the warmth of the mortal world, what’s the point? Lived a short life but enjoyed all the love and warmth of the mortal world, what’s there to regret? Today, Man Lok is in the Lord’s embrace. Although only lived for just a 6 brief years, I believe Man Lok had experienced to the fullest both his parents' and older brothers' love and tender care for him. Today, he is experiencing another kind of love in another dimension. He is already silently reciprocating his family’s longing and love for him!
Best wishes: Uncle Chi and Man Yee, Man Zit and Man Sun will continue their optimistic outlook towards all future challenges, and to propagate the most glorious side of humans to the world, and to forever keep the most precious emotion in life deep within their hearts.
source: 圖文並謬 58-59
TN: Liu Kai Chi is a veteran film and television actor, who’s married to former TVB actress Chan Man Yee. Their youngest son, Liu Man Lok, died of pneumonia on April 5, 2006, after a nearly three-year battle with leukemia.
*Steven has since embraced Christianity, as revealed in his weibo Oct 1st 2010
Friday, October 21, 2011
# 6 Favorite Prose Essay - drunk writing
Coincidentally, I was going to post below essays as my 6th favorite prose essays in Steven's book. book - 圖文並謬. The contents in the essays tied in nicely with Steven's weibo entries on the little girl incident - passers-by ignored toddler as she lies dying
It, brings to us, space!
Drunk Writing – It
醉行文---它
It, has always been very mysterious, very strange, and unfathomable.
Perhaps I will ask: Today, what should I do?
The right thing? The wrong thing?
Anyway, right wrong is hard to separate!
To separate? Whom to ask?
If already a reality, no need to ask,
Yet to be a reality, just do it, no need to ask, either!
So, the choices, where are they?
I’ll keep in mind what Today can do, let it decides then.
But, I’ve never asked, never asked Yesterday or Tomorrow,
what they want Today to do?
Never asked Yesterday how it spent its day?
Also, never asked Tomorrow what it wants to do, either?
I thought they communicate with each other,
When in fact, they don’t know each other at all.
Yesterday never knew Today exists.
And Today is not concern with Yesterday’s or Tomorrow’s fate.
As for Tomorrow, its sight is set so high it spares no thought for those behind it.
Consequently, though plainly intertwined as a pulse, they go their own separate way!
Wrong! I was wrong! I was too permissible with them!
Wrong! I was wrong! I didn’t tell Yesterday that Today was its child;
I didn’t tell Today that Yesterday was its mother;
I didn’t tell Tomorrow that without Yesterday & Today, there’s no you!
Wrong! I was wrong! If only I had taught Today well from the start.
Then the problems with Yesterday and Tomorrow would not have occurred.
And I will not have to worry about those three!
Fortunately, it’s still not too late, seize the present,
Teach Today well.
pp 88-89
Thursday, October 20, 2011
# 7 Favorite Prose Essay - a magic portal
October 26, Wednesday, is Steven's birthday, a week from now. I will count each day with one of my top 7 favorite prose essays from his 2009 圖文並謬 My favorite essays are chosen based on their contents and Steven's eloquent writing, and also because they give a glimpse into Steven's thoughts and the kind of person he is.
Since Steven is a Dingdong fan, I will start the countdown with A Magic Portal essay inspired by Dingdong.
It is simply amazing! There’s no lapse of time to consider, no boundary hassles to deal with, and no traffic jams to get caught in! The four corners of the world are all within a short distance. Actually, I too possess a magic portal; it’s my thoughts. The freedom of thoughts is unlimited. No matter where one is, all one has to do is close both eyes, and immediately one is flying freely in one’s thoughts. Whatever one wishes to see, to get or desire, they can all manifest before you! This kind of freedom not even fascism can expunged.
I love to roam inside my thoughts.
Not posturing any philosophy or artsy affectations, but in real life, things don’t always go our way, and often times are even beyond our control. Hence, to indulge ourselves of this magic portal to get what we normally cannot get in real life, why not?
Just like how Dingdong’s name change is outside my control; but to me, he is still the big head, small body, round eyes and watermelon mouth Little Dingdong. You change your last name; I keep my first name; don’t care.
In the cartoon, Dingding is a simplistic and cute cartoon figure; the cartoon has simple plots and projects uncomplicated feelings! But undoubtedly, Dingdong is a philosophy. In Dingdong’s philosophy you can see real life characters, the fine line straddling righteousness and evil, and the struggles between good vs bad. Even to having the good and bad always getting their deserved endings, the cartoon explicitly illustrates that to the fullest. Anyway, will not touch on that for right now.
圖文並謬 p 78
Translator: Tamaya
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Since Steven is a Dingdong fan, I will start the countdown with A Magic Portal essay inspired by Dingdong.
A Magic Portal
隨意門
When young I loved to watch cartoons, especially Dingdong. Today, Dingdong’s name has been changed to Doraemon. I remember when young, of all Dingdong’s magical objects, I loved the magic portal the most. Just imagine, say where you want to go and the door duly opens, and there you are! Now that I am all grown up, my most favorite magical object is still the magic portal.
It is simply amazing! There’s no lapse of time to consider, no boundary hassles to deal with, and no traffic jams to get caught in! The four corners of the world are all within a short distance. Actually, I too possess a magic portal; it’s my thoughts. The freedom of thoughts is unlimited. No matter where one is, all one has to do is close both eyes, and immediately one is flying freely in one’s thoughts. Whatever one wishes to see, to get or desire, they can all manifest before you! This kind of freedom not even fascism can expunged.
I love to roam inside my thoughts.
Not posturing any philosophy or artsy affectations, but in real life, things don’t always go our way, and often times are even beyond our control. Hence, to indulge ourselves of this magic portal to get what we normally cannot get in real life, why not?
Just like how Dingdong’s name change is outside my control; but to me, he is still the big head, small body, round eyes and watermelon mouth Little Dingdong. You change your last name; I keep my first name; don’t care.
In the cartoon, Dingding is a simplistic and cute cartoon figure; the cartoon has simple plots and projects uncomplicated feelings! But undoubtedly, Dingdong is a philosophy. In Dingdong’s philosophy you can see real life characters, the fine line straddling righteousness and evil, and the struggles between good vs bad. Even to having the good and bad always getting their deserved endings, the cartoon explicitly illustrates that to the fullest. Anyway, will not touch on that for right now.
圖文並謬 p 78
Translator: Tamaya
***************************
Tamaya: Who among us do not wish to possess a magic portal like Dingdong's? The urge to move freely to wherever our hearts desire. To just get away from people and things that trouble us? Or to visit new places everywhere on earth even under the sea?
Recall the movie, A Beautiful Life; trapped in life, by life, by circumstances, by work, by poverty, in poverty, in traffic and so forth, but so constrained, there is still the freedom of thoughts. And when even the freedom of thoughts is constrained, the human spirit so atrophied will gradually dim out and finally die.
Recall the movie, A Beautiful Life; trapped in life, by life, by circumstances, by work, by poverty, in poverty, in traffic and so forth, but so constrained, there is still the freedom of thoughts. And when even the freedom of thoughts is constrained, the human spirit so atrophied will gradually dim out and finally die.
Since I did not grow up with Dingdong, I don't relate to him as well as people like Steven, but I like the idea of owning an instant transporter myself.
Steven has a very creative mind, so he will never get bored on his own as he can take off anytime from reality into that fertile imagination of his.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Book - Superman, laser, fight monsters
From young I'd longed to possess super powers, from as far back as the movie, ’Superman’, and as recent as ‘The Fantastic Four’; even the anime characters, ‘The Incredibles’, are all favorites of mine.
Don’t know why, but every time I watch this kind of film, I am especially immersed in it. As I watched I loved to imagine myself as the movie’s hero possessing an abnormal super power fighting for justice and saving the world!
Don’t know when I often fantasized that I could fly into the sky. I do not need any special movement nor do I need to do somersaults to fly into the sky, just thinking about it in my heart, and off I go flying into the sky, soaring towards the horizon.
Also don’t know when I started fantasizing I could shoot out laser beams. Just point with a finger, and laser beam will shoot out from the finger tip. This kind of laser is divided into ten grades, each finger possessing a different grade. As a group when shoot all at once from ten fingers, its synergized power is unbeatable. All the demons and monsters cannot combat its power, and one by one, they all fall down. Haha! So silly ba! However, these fantasies were very important to me then. Life on earth, reality has so many things that made us feel impotent. When work hard everyday but the harvest is way beneath what is sowed; when evil tyrannizes and righteousness can only wait in stoic silence; when loved ones eternally departed from earth, who can resurrect the dead? There are so much helplessness in living. Should or should not? Can or cannot? They always challenged my confidence and perseverance.
Not being pessimistic, just that I believe the first step to resolving an issue or a predicament is to confront and admit its existence. No matter how arduous or how much we strive in the end the defining success or failure lies outside our hands. However, during the resistance process, employing some fantasizing to satisfy the need of the soul or to comfort the heart’s discontent should do no harm!
Even today, I still like to fantasize. I am still imbued with a longing to possess a super power, only that the super power that I now pursue has become my desire to posses the power to exceed my own ability. My innermost wish is that one day I can truly surpass myself and to exceed my own limitation, and be able to excel to a higher hierarchy in my life; to become a true ‘superman’.
Steven Ma's 圖文並謬 pg 72-73
scan credit Steven Ma weibo
TN: Steven speaks the truth inside us. How many of us wish we have some kind of superpower to take away some of our own helpless feelings and make things better for us or for our love ones?
TN: Steven speaks the truth inside us. How many of us wish we have some kind of superpower to take away some of our own helpless feelings and make things better for us or for our love ones?
Friday, March 25, 2011
2008 book fair to promote 圖文並謬
Including this book, 圖文並謬,to date, Steven has published 5 books in all. Unlike the previous four which are co-authored with other writers, this is the very first book that was totally his own; he wrote the essays himself and the accompanying pictures are all taken by him.
Leung Choi Yuen, Susan Tse (谢雪心), ?, Mak Ling Ling (麦玲玲), Catherine Tsang (曾励珍), Helen Ma马海伦、张同祖, and not in pix, Mrs. Chiu (赵曾学韫)
with Joyce Koi
tn: This book provides superb insights into Steven's thoughts and beliefs.
Steven plans to have his 6 book published sometime next month. The book features healthy soups using medicinal and nourishing Chinese herbs.
****************************************************
untranslated Chinese news report
Saturday, October 16, 2010
fans' reviews on 圖文 並謬 in Chinese
These are only some of fans' book reviews posted on the now defunct Steven-ma.org 思浚堂 .
扬帆，起航。2008-10-11采苕
没有多说什么，就这样跌进了这本书的味道里。你说这本书是什么味道？尝不透……我闻到南国胭脂的气息，带着海风的烈。我是视觉的动物，一次两次三次，看不透，便找寻视觉的刺激。有人跌入文字，有人纠缠图像，我宁愿做后者。
粗略的翻过，每一页，看过图样，过眼云烟，很靓，更靓的，是每一幅图，乃是靓人亲手所摄，所以我说，带着南国胭脂的香，当然，戏里胭脂。海上所摄，故带着海风的烈。
你爱在思海中畅泳，于是，我跟上你。
第 17页的图，《1874》，你放在开篇，无疑是你最深刻的心事，无论这心事表达了多少次，没有人能了解透彻，且看图吧！凌晨或者黄昏，初晓或者暮色，海面 孤舟，近处的残骸，远处的火光……灯塔在绝望中招展。我不知道你是哪里得来这样一刻，也看不出是在翻拍历史明信片。只能说，巧，也许，上天怜惜你生错了时 代，给你这一刻，让你好好保留。于是你在现代的时差错误里，颠倒回到了你的世界，你本应该在那里。眺望着远处的火光，透过国恨家仇的泪水，许下你无边无际 的愿望。当你看着这幅图，是否回到了杨柳岸晓风残月……但那里，燃烧着你的热血，不需要粉墨登场，你依然可以扮演最好的角色。难怪，《1874》作为开场 白，文章的，图像的，都只属于你一个人而已。
第43页，《忘恨》的插图，我翻过来翻过去三遍了，依然对这幅图念念不忘，那一片浩瀚无 边的金色。这幅图无疑是海上生活的片刻，我看到游轮的走廊，延伸到画面的边缘，一点点，却令的画面有了落脚点，不然，我真的疑心你是否是从海中央升起，夺 取这样一刻的。《忘恨》是淡然，是放置在记忆的角落，是深锁在内心的高阁……你为何如此波澜壮阔的用最刺眼的颜色来表达呢？也许，恨，忘，都是伟大的。我 内心的画面一转，180度，来到面对你的那边，黄昏的游轮上，你的风衣飘扬，余晖闪烁在你的脸庞。于是爱恨情仇突然淡化，恨什么？不如忘情于眼前的风景， 浓的化不开的黄昏。你的心中，无爱，更加无恨……即使最深的爱，落日之后，沉于夜幕，怕什么？
63页，《陆鸥》，很多人心中至爱的文 章，因为看到了你寂寞浪漫的文人情怀，我也爱，这篇，也是我闭上眼，就能闻到，海风里混杂着胭脂香的。全文展现的孤单情调，却有一种乐在其中的沉醉。我知 道，你爱独处。这幅画，拍摄角度倾斜，夜色苍茫的大海无边无际的空旷，只有一艘夜航船，掠过你的视线。于是你捕捉了，孤独，被你写作孤傲。夜里振翅高飞的 洁白海鸥，孤独且累，是你的化身吧？你愿意就这样飞着，苍茫的夜色中，有坚定的方向。孤单的航船，孤单的海鸥，孤单的你……这一刻三者交汇在茫茫大海，你 却乐在其中的雀跃。此时，我也想问：“海鸥，在这么冷清的深夜，四处无伴，你孤身在飞，到底要往哪里去？”这是你问它，也是我问你。
139 页，一个餐桌，上面摆满了西餐的餐具。看着笑了，这是你的午餐，充满了小资情调。记得从前，杂志说你“生活方式健康，是一种香港大学生，白领人士竞相模仿 的小资情调。"杂志还评选你做“香港最雅痞男士”……雅痞二字怎解？是个舶来词。原来是一种高贵健康的生活作风。你能在午餐时分想起“如果海洋是地球的 胃，船是什么，我又是什么？”不妨开个玩笑吧，你，是另外一个地球，你的胃，是另外一个海洋……世界就是这样层层包含，相信你也感觉到了。
你 的附录里，有一张迄今为止最出色的自拍。在游轮的房间里，举起相机，对着镜子，你歪着头对自己笑。想起一句诗来：“美目盼兮，巧笑倩兮……”是这么样的感 觉。从你清秀的身段，看到了一种飞扬的自信；从你洒脱的笑容和侧脸的完美弧度，看到了一种自我陶醉的自恋情怀……不许不承认，你的眼神出卖了你的内心啊， 也在赞叹着，镜中的人是多么如画。所以，这一张，也收入了我最爱的本书摄影作品之一。这是我见过，最潇洒自然，毫无造作的自拍……
旅行结束了？哦……我却回不来了……sos^^^
前言
这本书是四哥在2008年7月出版的，而至今已过去一年的时间，我才得以买到这本书。可以说是我这两年太忙，也可以说是我这两年来生活得并不如意，所以至今才将这本书拿到手，相信可能很多人都没有看过这本书，当然也有少数的人因为对四哥的喜爱，而如我一样不停拼命的收集关于他的一切东西。
对于四哥出的这五本书，我一共有三本。《拯救沉重的生命》《向好走向坏走》和《图文并谬》，至于另外两本《我是病人家属》和《马仔眼中的女人》是我所没有的。不过我觉得对于出版的这几本书而言，我在看过之后，很喜欢这本《图文并谬》，因为可以说除了《马仔眼中的女人》这本以外的其他三本，应该都不算是出自于四哥的手笔。而这本《图文并谬》确实是来自于四哥心灵的感受，很真实的一本书。这本书的内容，正是印证了我这十年来对他的了解，亦如对这本书的体会一样。或者说，我眼中的四哥，就是这样一个人。对，他就是一个人。
因为书的版权问题，我无法与更多喜欢四哥的人，一起分享这本书中四哥很多的思想和点滴的生活。那么我只能是把我自己的体会写下来，与一些喜欢他，并想要了解他的人一起分享。当然对于每个人主观的看法和见解，必然是不同的，在这里，我只能是表达我主观上的意愿和想法。
1
扬帆，起航。2008-10-11采苕
没有多说什么，就这样跌进了这本书的味道里。你说这本书是什么味道？尝不透……我闻到南国胭脂的气息，带着海风的烈。我是视觉的动物，一次两次三次，看不透，便找寻视觉的刺激。有人跌入文字，有人纠缠图像，我宁愿做后者。
粗略的翻过，每一页，看过图样，过眼云烟，很靓，更靓的，是每一幅图，乃是靓人亲手所摄，所以我说，带着南国胭脂的香，当然，戏里胭脂。海上所摄，故带着海风的烈。
你爱在思海中畅泳，于是，我跟上你。
第 17页的图，《1874》，你放在开篇，无疑是你最深刻的心事，无论这心事表达了多少次，没有人能了解透彻，且看图吧！凌晨或者黄昏，初晓或者暮色，海面 孤舟，近处的残骸，远处的火光……灯塔在绝望中招展。我不知道你是哪里得来这样一刻，也看不出是在翻拍历史明信片。只能说，巧，也许，上天怜惜你生错了时 代，给你这一刻，让你好好保留。于是你在现代的时差错误里，颠倒回到了你的世界，你本应该在那里。眺望着远处的火光，透过国恨家仇的泪水，许下你无边无际 的愿望。当你看着这幅图，是否回到了杨柳岸晓风残月……但那里，燃烧着你的热血，不需要粉墨登场，你依然可以扮演最好的角色。难怪，《1874》作为开场 白，文章的，图像的，都只属于你一个人而已。
第43页，《忘恨》的插图，我翻过来翻过去三遍了，依然对这幅图念念不忘，那一片浩瀚无 边的金色。这幅图无疑是海上生活的片刻，我看到游轮的走廊，延伸到画面的边缘，一点点，却令的画面有了落脚点，不然，我真的疑心你是否是从海中央升起，夺 取这样一刻的。《忘恨》是淡然，是放置在记忆的角落，是深锁在内心的高阁……你为何如此波澜壮阔的用最刺眼的颜色来表达呢？也许，恨，忘，都是伟大的。我 内心的画面一转，180度，来到面对你的那边，黄昏的游轮上，你的风衣飘扬，余晖闪烁在你的脸庞。于是爱恨情仇突然淡化，恨什么？不如忘情于眼前的风景， 浓的化不开的黄昏。你的心中，无爱，更加无恨……即使最深的爱，落日之后，沉于夜幕，怕什么？
63页，《陆鸥》，很多人心中至爱的文 章，因为看到了你寂寞浪漫的文人情怀，我也爱，这篇，也是我闭上眼，就能闻到，海风里混杂着胭脂香的。全文展现的孤单情调，却有一种乐在其中的沉醉。我知 道，你爱独处。这幅画，拍摄角度倾斜，夜色苍茫的大海无边无际的空旷，只有一艘夜航船，掠过你的视线。于是你捕捉了，孤独，被你写作孤傲。夜里振翅高飞的 洁白海鸥，孤独且累，是你的化身吧？你愿意就这样飞着，苍茫的夜色中，有坚定的方向。孤单的航船，孤单的海鸥，孤单的你……这一刻三者交汇在茫茫大海，你 却乐在其中的雀跃。此时，我也想问：“海鸥，在这么冷清的深夜，四处无伴，你孤身在飞，到底要往哪里去？”这是你问它，也是我问你。
139 页，一个餐桌，上面摆满了西餐的餐具。看着笑了，这是你的午餐，充满了小资情调。记得从前，杂志说你“生活方式健康，是一种香港大学生，白领人士竞相模仿 的小资情调。"杂志还评选你做“香港最雅痞男士”……雅痞二字怎解？是个舶来词。原来是一种高贵健康的生活作风。你能在午餐时分想起“如果海洋是地球的 胃，船是什么，我又是什么？”不妨开个玩笑吧，你，是另外一个地球，你的胃，是另外一个海洋……世界就是这样层层包含，相信你也感觉到了。
你 的附录里，有一张迄今为止最出色的自拍。在游轮的房间里，举起相机，对着镜子，你歪着头对自己笑。想起一句诗来：“美目盼兮，巧笑倩兮……”是这么样的感 觉。从你清秀的身段，看到了一种飞扬的自信；从你洒脱的笑容和侧脸的完美弧度，看到了一种自我陶醉的自恋情怀……不许不承认，你的眼神出卖了你的内心啊， 也在赞叹着，镜中的人是多么如画。所以，这一张，也收入了我最爱的本书摄影作品之一。这是我见过，最潇洒自然，毫无造作的自拍……
旅行结束了？哦……我却回不来了……sos^^^
1874 yoyo128
为何未及时出生在1874
挽着你的手臂彻夜逃避
漫天烽火 失散在同年代中
仍可同生共死
听 这首歌时，脑子里冒出来的是前阵做的那张图上用过的字：君生我未生，我生君已老。恨不生同时，日日与君好。其实在那个烽火连天的年代历史洪流中，这样的小 儿女情态是溅不起一丁点水花的吧。每一天都可能发生关乎着自己生命的大事，战争、天灾，杀戮、逃亡，或许那时候的人们心中满满的都是疲惫与绝望吧，可他们 很多人仍顽强地活着。
一个世纪之后，人们都衣食无忧，相比较那些在战火纷飞的缝隙里生存的人，没有大悲大痛没有硝烟战场，应 该算幸福了。然而，现在的人似乎在承受着更大的痛苦。整条大街都在唱着心碎，书里面都印着忧郁，网络上充斥着郁闷。我们对游戏里的厮杀了如指掌，却可能从 未想过战场上生命多么的脆弱，我们说着多疼多痛，却可能从不了解枪炮所带给人们的不安，我们轻易地说着生生死死，却可能从未感受过命悬一线的恐惧。或许是 生活的安逸了，人的眼光都开始局限在一个很小的范围内。马仔说的思考，反思。现在的我们所思所想都只是自己那些渺小的挫折难过，我们总是在放大自己的痛 楚，仿佛生活除了这些便没有了意义。
如果生在1874，看过沧海桑田，何妨颠沛流离。
如果生在1874，尝过家仇国恨，何妨忧国忧民。
如果生在1874，历经生离死别，何妨埋身沙场。
那些花前月下的小情小性都淹没在历史的大情感中。也许一己所得不会比现在多，却担当更多，何尝不是一种幸福呢。
I'll be back
很喜欢放在右侧的那一句话：原来选择多了反而添了人不少烦恼……。如果只有的唯一的一个，没的选，也就不用烦恼了；如果有两个供你选择，选了A心念着B会 更好，选了B心念着A会更好；如果有三个四个甚至更多呢 。最好的办法就是全选或者全不选。可是人生没有那么完美的事，很多时候我们都必须选一个。
记得大一的时候对校园不熟悉，常常与好友在校园各个角落乱走一气，有时候遇到岔路口，我们就约定一人代表一个方向，石头剪子布，决定走哪一条岔路。如果人生的路也能如此选择，该有多简单呢。
乱七八糟的延伸且打住。说马仔的这篇文章。初看觉得马仔写得很可爱，象咱们小学时候的作文，很纯真。
且不说词句当中透露出来马仔为人处事的态度。仍是关于选择的。其实马仔的心里一早就已经选好了，与那支旧笔一样的黑墨笔。来到文具店他所要做的就是寻找自己选好的那支笔，而一番寻找之后没有结果，退而求其次，选了同款的蓝与红。如果蓝与红也没有呢，又该怎么选？
就 像我们常常想好自己要走的那条路，我们限定好一个框框，说将来我要如何如何，我要找怎样怎样的人一起生活，接下来便开始寻寻觅觅，若不然便将就了，又或者 干脆自暴自弃。难道人生的目标错了吗？没有。我们都应该有那个目标，才有动力，人生才有意义。古诗说，车到山前必有路。若然无路呢。前面的变数我们谁都无 法获知，而一开始我们就认定了心中的那个选择，那条路可能是条康庄大道，也可能是条死路。
何妨给自己多一个选择呢？因为有时候人生并不一定只在前方，偶尔回头望望我们是否真真实实地走过。结局并不重要。
天堂与地狱
城市中大街小巷你都有可能遇上乞讨者，可能他们是真的没有劳动能力，也可能他们是好逸恶劳的骗子。路过的时候，你用余光扫一眼，然后急急地往前走，心里思忖着：应该是个骗子吧。
不记得是在哪一本书上看到过这样的一段文字：随身带着零钱，当你遇到乞讨者时可以给他们，不为彰显善心，只求心安理得。
如同马仔文章中说的，他的身上肯定发生过他不想拥有的经历。思考着他是不是真的丧失劳动能力需要你施以援手，你纠结着他的过去，一个连他自己都不想拥有的过去，徒增烦恼，心中惴惴不安。而其实力所能及地为他累积一点点未来，我们收获的不也是一份快乐吗？
天堂和地狱，原来只有一线之差。而那一线或许就在心中。有一个故事说，苏东坡问佛印和尚自己在他眼里是什么，和尚说你是佛，和尚反问东坡，他不屑地回答和 尚说你是一坨屎，和尚无话可说。苏东坡很得意地回家，苏小妹听说了之后却一语道破，和尚心中是佛，所以看万物都是佛，你心中却只有屎，自然看万物都是屎。
一念一天堂，因你心中是天堂，所以给他们的是天堂。
忘恨
其实有点惊讶马仔写这样的文章。
有时候会坐着发呆，云里雾里地乱想。会想起谁来过了，谁离开了，多少年又多少年。时光被剪成一段一段，拼不出一条完整的线。如果恨，那是一段一段的泪水伤痛，如果爱，那是一段一段的微笑温暖。恨的是过去，误的是将来，得不偿失不是么？
可是，有人没恨过吗？哪怕是一丁点儿都没有恨过？无论是一颗多感恩的心，都曾经恨过吧，恨错过，恨失去，恨不公平，恨得不到。因为你想要的不是你的。然而即便是恨也仍然是无法得到。而放下又谈何容易，人脑不是电脑可以选择性删除，只余快乐。
张小娴有句话，意思大概是真正的忘记是不经意的。你无法忘记受过的伤害，无法忘记心中的不甘，因而恨，这恨远远大过你曾经享受的甜蜜美好。其实不是不会 忘，只是不愿忘。每时每刻都在想着同一次哭泣，同一个拥有和失去的落差，你根本没法忘。当有一天你看到电话里闪着一个陌生的号码，你想了很久都想不起来那 个声音属于谁，又或者你淡淡一笑想起那些青春年少，你会觉得这些年辛苦吗，但至少你仍记得微笑仍记得温暖。
那么，不如，相忘于江湖。
我的母亲/思亲情
一直都听说马仔对母亲深厚的感情。
或许也是母亲对抗病魔的勇气影响着他，让如今的他能够如此坚毅吧。
作为一个孩子。
记得有一年父亲生病。从小就拿父亲当偶像一样崇拜，我以为他是不会倒下的。可是那一次我看到他紧锁眉头痛苦而疲惫地躺在床上，倔强地不愿去医院。母亲是学 医的，面对这个固执的病人却也只能偷偷抹眼泪。那天是除夕，我想他是不想在医院度过这个团圆的日子才如此坚持吧。我走进房间试图劝说着父亲去医院，他强打 起精神跟我说了一句话：我没事，睡一觉就好了，出去玩吧。听到这句话时我责备自己为什么没有长大不够承担，让大人们以为我还是孩子，玩耍过了回家就一定有 人等待。后来忍着哭，声音颤抖着给叔叔打电话说爸爸病重，而我除了在门口等待什么都做不了。万家灯火美好的一个除夕，可我的父亲却为了那个新年忍受着病 痛。每个小孩的新年都有炮仗、烟花、新衣服、压岁钱，我很想说我不要这些了我不做小孩了。
而年岁越长，却越感到生命的脆弱和时间的猝然不及。我们长大，长辈的迟暮。我常想，如果是这样，可不可以期望自己不长大，让幸福都停留。长大以后离家在外 读书的时间开始变长，一年只能回家两次，然而家人却很少告诉我家里哪位长辈生病或者别的，以至每一次回家看到外婆越来越虚弱的身体，都觉得触目惊心。她强 坐起身，掏出自己攒的钱塞到我的手里，喃喃地说着：在外面都瘦了拿着买点吃的。不敢在未懂事的弟弟妹妹面前哭出来，突然之间觉得幸福很残酷。有人成长，有 人老去，如镜头切换般。彼时听着小春的一首歌：我终于长大了，你却累了，想休息去了，我还站在这个，曾哭啼的街角，等你带我，走回家。
然而也明白到珍惜二字。世间有些事确是不得不发生的，结局未知却也不可改变，我们必须做应该做的事，却不一定能够得到我们想要的结果。如马仔所推介的《人 生之体验》：亲人的离开是你生命里必须承受的痛。这种痛，没有任何哲理可安慰你，从此以后，你会更懂得珍惜身边的人。
其实没有人在我们的生命中是不告而别的，视乎我们多珍惜相聚的每一段时光。
陆鸥
看到这篇时突然觉得马仔挺有当作家的潜质。
看着海鸥一直跟着油轮“拍跳”，有时超前，有时落后，偶尔使劲拍着翅膀，偶尔两翼一伸轻轻滑翔，在了无边际的大海上，显得格外孤傲。
这 段话放在课文里应该会被拿出来分析一通吧。这个似乎打岔了，没办法，应试教育的后遗症。言归正传。看完整篇文章想起了弘一法师李叔同的一句话：人生如百鸟 远去，水天一线，一生一会，去去就来。虽然一直也不甚明白整句话的意思，但，马仔与海鸥，算不算一生一会呢？与那只孤傲的海鸥一生遇见一次，是不是也是一 种缘分。
人生是一段一段的成长拼接成的一条绳索，牵一根时光的线从这头走到彼岸，或者我们与时间都有一个缘分，有时你从未觉得如此轻松愉悦，而有些时候让你感到不安和茫然。一生一会，去去就来。
随意门
小时候它叫叮当，多拉A梦是音译。其实我觉得多拉A梦这个名字要好过叮当。就像，随意门不就是一个梦么？叮当那个大口袋里掏出来的那些奇奇怪怪的不都是人们的梦么？
一直都想也拥有一只叮当猫就好了，偶尔可以离开这个时间，或者这个空间，如果想念，就回来。
在生活里不如意事十常八九，世事往往在掌握之外，然而，能透过这道随意门去满足现实生活中得不到的需要，又何妨？
或许人生路上总有一些体验让我们耿耿于怀，我们不想面对，却无从躲避，如果有一道随意门，将人们保护于门后面那个时间与空间里，是不是会少很多烦恼呢。
也许每一个人的心中都想有一个多拉A梦吧。
想 起看过的一个话剧《暗恋桃花源》，那是两个交错的故事，一边厢丈夫因为妻子与邻居暗渡陈仓而愤然出走沿着溪水来到了桃花源，那里如同世外仙境，他以为可以 得到解脱了，却在桃花源遇见了与妻子和邻居长的一模一样的人，他在桃花源生活了许久慢慢释怀决定回家，走出桃花源，外面的世界却早已物是人非。另边厢是一 对分别的恋人因战争而天各一方，却一世思念，风烛残年之时老人苦苦寻觅终于得以重逢。而再相见他已不是她的他，她亦然。
可能他们都曾遇到过那一道随意门，恍然间，时光荏苒，已找不回门后面停留的那个故事。又或者我们心中都会有一道随意门，看山是山，看山不是山，不过在门内门外。
马仔说，我在思海里畅泳。那片海与生活也有一道随意门么？
黑与白
学素描的时候，老师总是说五调子中间的灰最重要，后来学色彩了，老师还是说，黑和白都不能随便用，所有的颜色都是调出来的。黑与白应当是所有颜色中最纯粹的吧。
纯 真仿佛只属于年少。人们说童言无忌，孩子不会撒谎不懂掩饰，他们只知说出自己的切身感受。越长大越模糊了黑与白的那条界线，习惯了用灰色来看世界。有时候 灰色是为了缓和黑与白的矛盾，有时候灰色是为了明哲保身，有时候灰色是为了掩饰在黑色面前的胆怯懦弱。用杨千桦那句歌词说：我又不是不懂人情世故。
而其实我们不是不懂分辨黑白，只是习惯了那片灰色地带。
比 如最近比较红的奶粉事件，曾在《南方都市报》看过一篇文章“我的人性被冻伤了”。作者讲述自己一次回乡听到的事情，村子里的稻子因为用药过度导致那年秋天 的大米都有毒，而村民们迅速地将这批大米卖到上海，自己再买别地的大米来食用。他觉得震惊却也无奈“我不可能跑到当地官员的办公室去揭发，等不到我说完一 句话，就会被骂神经病。”很多事情我们都知道是错的，但仍无心或者有心竭力地掩饰。有时候是自己怕真相，有时候是别人怕真相，何不大家一起活在这个灰色空 间里？当官的习惯了睁一只眼闭一只眼，为商的习惯了先利后义，你不阻我升官，我不挡你财路，大家心里有数。官商在那片灰色的区域里自得其乐，而百姓呢也不 过是茶余饭后发发牢骚，谁愿意真正去上访告个御状什么的？黑色在左边，白色在右边，灰色中间，事不关己岂不是图个大家自在？如果不是那些无辜的小生命，这 件事还将会被隐瞒多久？奶粉事件曝光之后，铺天盖地的食品安全问题，仿佛一夜之间人们才发现原来我们平日里的美味佳肴都成了毒药。而冰冻三尺非一日之寒。
我们总是等在灰色里，等着黑色侵蚀过来，才看到黑与白之间有一条清清楚楚的线不容忽视。
如那篇文章最后所说，我的人性早就被冻伤了。我们在灰色里做鸵鸟做得太久了，以至下意识地认为那里才是安全的。
看 完书其实想了挺多的。如最后那张照片和那段话：门背后永远深锁着一个又一个的故事，故事背后，又是另一道门。其实香港与内地的生活方式还是很不一样的，所 得到的成长也不一样吧。其实马仔的圈子与我们的圈子也是不一样的，经历的也不一样。只不过生活与思考都是一样的。
所以，想起了用在诗经上的三个字——思无邪。
*************************************
sm baidu post6小浚子
这本书我还没有看完，我是这样理解此书的作者：
他是一个内心极丰富、极敏感、极爱思考的人，你可以从书中看到他的无奈，他对于现实的无奈，可是我们都能从中看到正面、努力、积极的东西。这种无奈历经时间，已经在他心中形成极好的保护盾，所以现在他的内心是强大的。
他也清楚地认识到自己的问题，就是“放不低”，因为执着所以“放不低”，因为坚持所以“放不低”，因为内心向善所以“放不低”。我记得他在一章中讲到：他现在已经学会去放下。
其中有一章，讲到“丧尸”，如果不是读到这样的文字，我从来不会想到这么个外表轻松人会有如此沉重、“与众不同”的想法。
不过字里行间，我能够感受到他的些许的轻快、可爱，一如印象中那个沉稳与灵动并重的人。
sm baidu 傾城玦 〖感想〗一个人——读《图文并谬》有感
为何未及时出生在1874
挽着你的手臂彻夜逃避
漫天烽火 失散在同年代中
仍可同生共死
听 这首歌时，脑子里冒出来的是前阵做的那张图上用过的字：君生我未生，我生君已老。恨不生同时，日日与君好。其实在那个烽火连天的年代历史洪流中，这样的小 儿女情态是溅不起一丁点水花的吧。每一天都可能发生关乎着自己生命的大事，战争、天灾，杀戮、逃亡，或许那时候的人们心中满满的都是疲惫与绝望吧，可他们 很多人仍顽强地活着。
一个世纪之后，人们都衣食无忧，相比较那些在战火纷飞的缝隙里生存的人，没有大悲大痛没有硝烟战场，应 该算幸福了。然而，现在的人似乎在承受着更大的痛苦。整条大街都在唱着心碎，书里面都印着忧郁，网络上充斥着郁闷。我们对游戏里的厮杀了如指掌，却可能从 未想过战场上生命多么的脆弱，我们说着多疼多痛，却可能从不了解枪炮所带给人们的不安，我们轻易地说着生生死死，却可能从未感受过命悬一线的恐惧。或许是 生活的安逸了，人的眼光都开始局限在一个很小的范围内。马仔说的思考，反思。现在的我们所思所想都只是自己那些渺小的挫折难过，我们总是在放大自己的痛 楚，仿佛生活除了这些便没有了意义。
如果生在1874，看过沧海桑田，何妨颠沛流离。
如果生在1874，尝过家仇国恨，何妨忧国忧民。
如果生在1874，历经生离死别，何妨埋身沙场。
那些花前月下的小情小性都淹没在历史的大情感中。也许一己所得不会比现在多，却担当更多，何尝不是一种幸福呢。
I'll be back
很喜欢放在右侧的那一句话：原来选择多了反而添了人不少烦恼……。如果只有的唯一的一个，没的选，也就不用烦恼了；如果有两个供你选择，选了A心念着B会 更好，选了B心念着A会更好；如果有三个四个甚至更多呢 。最好的办法就是全选或者全不选。可是人生没有那么完美的事，很多时候我们都必须选一个。
记得大一的时候对校园不熟悉，常常与好友在校园各个角落乱走一气，有时候遇到岔路口，我们就约定一人代表一个方向，石头剪子布，决定走哪一条岔路。如果人生的路也能如此选择，该有多简单呢。
乱七八糟的延伸且打住。说马仔的这篇文章。初看觉得马仔写得很可爱，象咱们小学时候的作文，很纯真。
且不说词句当中透露出来马仔为人处事的态度。仍是关于选择的。其实马仔的心里一早就已经选好了，与那支旧笔一样的黑墨笔。来到文具店他所要做的就是寻找自己选好的那支笔，而一番寻找之后没有结果，退而求其次，选了同款的蓝与红。如果蓝与红也没有呢，又该怎么选？
就 像我们常常想好自己要走的那条路，我们限定好一个框框，说将来我要如何如何，我要找怎样怎样的人一起生活，接下来便开始寻寻觅觅，若不然便将就了，又或者 干脆自暴自弃。难道人生的目标错了吗？没有。我们都应该有那个目标，才有动力，人生才有意义。古诗说，车到山前必有路。若然无路呢。前面的变数我们谁都无 法获知，而一开始我们就认定了心中的那个选择，那条路可能是条康庄大道，也可能是条死路。
何妨给自己多一个选择呢？因为有时候人生并不一定只在前方，偶尔回头望望我们是否真真实实地走过。结局并不重要。
天堂与地狱
城市中大街小巷你都有可能遇上乞讨者，可能他们是真的没有劳动能力，也可能他们是好逸恶劳的骗子。路过的时候，你用余光扫一眼，然后急急地往前走，心里思忖着：应该是个骗子吧。
不记得是在哪一本书上看到过这样的一段文字：随身带着零钱，当你遇到乞讨者时可以给他们，不为彰显善心，只求心安理得。
如同马仔文章中说的，他的身上肯定发生过他不想拥有的经历。思考着他是不是真的丧失劳动能力需要你施以援手，你纠结着他的过去，一个连他自己都不想拥有的过去，徒增烦恼，心中惴惴不安。而其实力所能及地为他累积一点点未来，我们收获的不也是一份快乐吗？
天堂和地狱，原来只有一线之差。而那一线或许就在心中。有一个故事说，苏东坡问佛印和尚自己在他眼里是什么，和尚说你是佛，和尚反问东坡，他不屑地回答和 尚说你是一坨屎，和尚无话可说。苏东坡很得意地回家，苏小妹听说了之后却一语道破，和尚心中是佛，所以看万物都是佛，你心中却只有屎，自然看万物都是屎。
一念一天堂，因你心中是天堂，所以给他们的是天堂。
忘恨
其实有点惊讶马仔写这样的文章。
有时候会坐着发呆，云里雾里地乱想。会想起谁来过了，谁离开了，多少年又多少年。时光被剪成一段一段，拼不出一条完整的线。如果恨，那是一段一段的泪水伤痛，如果爱，那是一段一段的微笑温暖。恨的是过去，误的是将来，得不偿失不是么？
可是，有人没恨过吗？哪怕是一丁点儿都没有恨过？无论是一颗多感恩的心，都曾经恨过吧，恨错过，恨失去，恨不公平，恨得不到。因为你想要的不是你的。然而即便是恨也仍然是无法得到。而放下又谈何容易，人脑不是电脑可以选择性删除，只余快乐。
张小娴有句话，意思大概是真正的忘记是不经意的。你无法忘记受过的伤害，无法忘记心中的不甘，因而恨，这恨远远大过你曾经享受的甜蜜美好。其实不是不会 忘，只是不愿忘。每时每刻都在想着同一次哭泣，同一个拥有和失去的落差，你根本没法忘。当有一天你看到电话里闪着一个陌生的号码，你想了很久都想不起来那 个声音属于谁，又或者你淡淡一笑想起那些青春年少，你会觉得这些年辛苦吗，但至少你仍记得微笑仍记得温暖。
那么，不如，相忘于江湖。
我的母亲/思亲情
一直都听说马仔对母亲深厚的感情。
或许也是母亲对抗病魔的勇气影响着他，让如今的他能够如此坚毅吧。
作为一个孩子。
记得有一年父亲生病。从小就拿父亲当偶像一样崇拜，我以为他是不会倒下的。可是那一次我看到他紧锁眉头痛苦而疲惫地躺在床上，倔强地不愿去医院。母亲是学 医的，面对这个固执的病人却也只能偷偷抹眼泪。那天是除夕，我想他是不想在医院度过这个团圆的日子才如此坚持吧。我走进房间试图劝说着父亲去医院，他强打 起精神跟我说了一句话：我没事，睡一觉就好了，出去玩吧。听到这句话时我责备自己为什么没有长大不够承担，让大人们以为我还是孩子，玩耍过了回家就一定有 人等待。后来忍着哭，声音颤抖着给叔叔打电话说爸爸病重，而我除了在门口等待什么都做不了。万家灯火美好的一个除夕，可我的父亲却为了那个新年忍受着病 痛。每个小孩的新年都有炮仗、烟花、新衣服、压岁钱，我很想说我不要这些了我不做小孩了。
而年岁越长，却越感到生命的脆弱和时间的猝然不及。我们长大，长辈的迟暮。我常想，如果是这样，可不可以期望自己不长大，让幸福都停留。长大以后离家在外 读书的时间开始变长，一年只能回家两次，然而家人却很少告诉我家里哪位长辈生病或者别的，以至每一次回家看到外婆越来越虚弱的身体，都觉得触目惊心。她强 坐起身，掏出自己攒的钱塞到我的手里，喃喃地说着：在外面都瘦了拿着买点吃的。不敢在未懂事的弟弟妹妹面前哭出来，突然之间觉得幸福很残酷。有人成长，有 人老去，如镜头切换般。彼时听着小春的一首歌：我终于长大了，你却累了，想休息去了，我还站在这个，曾哭啼的街角，等你带我，走回家。
然而也明白到珍惜二字。世间有些事确是不得不发生的，结局未知却也不可改变，我们必须做应该做的事，却不一定能够得到我们想要的结果。如马仔所推介的《人 生之体验》：亲人的离开是你生命里必须承受的痛。这种痛，没有任何哲理可安慰你，从此以后，你会更懂得珍惜身边的人。
其实没有人在我们的生命中是不告而别的，视乎我们多珍惜相聚的每一段时光。
陆鸥
看到这篇时突然觉得马仔挺有当作家的潜质。
看着海鸥一直跟着油轮“拍跳”，有时超前，有时落后，偶尔使劲拍着翅膀，偶尔两翼一伸轻轻滑翔，在了无边际的大海上，显得格外孤傲。
这 段话放在课文里应该会被拿出来分析一通吧。这个似乎打岔了，没办法，应试教育的后遗症。言归正传。看完整篇文章想起了弘一法师李叔同的一句话：人生如百鸟 远去，水天一线，一生一会，去去就来。虽然一直也不甚明白整句话的意思，但，马仔与海鸥，算不算一生一会呢？与那只孤傲的海鸥一生遇见一次，是不是也是一 种缘分。
人生是一段一段的成长拼接成的一条绳索，牵一根时光的线从这头走到彼岸，或者我们与时间都有一个缘分，有时你从未觉得如此轻松愉悦，而有些时候让你感到不安和茫然。一生一会，去去就来。
随意门
小时候它叫叮当，多拉A梦是音译。其实我觉得多拉A梦这个名字要好过叮当。就像，随意门不就是一个梦么？叮当那个大口袋里掏出来的那些奇奇怪怪的不都是人们的梦么？
一直都想也拥有一只叮当猫就好了，偶尔可以离开这个时间，或者这个空间，如果想念，就回来。
在生活里不如意事十常八九，世事往往在掌握之外，然而，能透过这道随意门去满足现实生活中得不到的需要，又何妨？
或许人生路上总有一些体验让我们耿耿于怀，我们不想面对，却无从躲避，如果有一道随意门，将人们保护于门后面那个时间与空间里，是不是会少很多烦恼呢。
也许每一个人的心中都想有一个多拉A梦吧。
想 起看过的一个话剧《暗恋桃花源》，那是两个交错的故事，一边厢丈夫因为妻子与邻居暗渡陈仓而愤然出走沿着溪水来到了桃花源，那里如同世外仙境，他以为可以 得到解脱了，却在桃花源遇见了与妻子和邻居长的一模一样的人，他在桃花源生活了许久慢慢释怀决定回家，走出桃花源，外面的世界却早已物是人非。另边厢是一 对分别的恋人因战争而天各一方，却一世思念，风烛残年之时老人苦苦寻觅终于得以重逢。而再相见他已不是她的他，她亦然。
可能他们都曾遇到过那一道随意门，恍然间，时光荏苒，已找不回门后面停留的那个故事。又或者我们心中都会有一道随意门，看山是山，看山不是山，不过在门内门外。
马仔说，我在思海里畅泳。那片海与生活也有一道随意门么？
黑与白
学素描的时候，老师总是说五调子中间的灰最重要，后来学色彩了，老师还是说，黑和白都不能随便用，所有的颜色都是调出来的。黑与白应当是所有颜色中最纯粹的吧。
纯 真仿佛只属于年少。人们说童言无忌，孩子不会撒谎不懂掩饰，他们只知说出自己的切身感受。越长大越模糊了黑与白的那条界线，习惯了用灰色来看世界。有时候 灰色是为了缓和黑与白的矛盾，有时候灰色是为了明哲保身，有时候灰色是为了掩饰在黑色面前的胆怯懦弱。用杨千桦那句歌词说：我又不是不懂人情世故。
而其实我们不是不懂分辨黑白，只是习惯了那片灰色地带。
比 如最近比较红的奶粉事件，曾在《南方都市报》看过一篇文章“我的人性被冻伤了”。作者讲述自己一次回乡听到的事情，村子里的稻子因为用药过度导致那年秋天 的大米都有毒，而村民们迅速地将这批大米卖到上海，自己再买别地的大米来食用。他觉得震惊却也无奈“我不可能跑到当地官员的办公室去揭发，等不到我说完一 句话，就会被骂神经病。”很多事情我们都知道是错的，但仍无心或者有心竭力地掩饰。有时候是自己怕真相，有时候是别人怕真相，何不大家一起活在这个灰色空 间里？当官的习惯了睁一只眼闭一只眼，为商的习惯了先利后义，你不阻我升官，我不挡你财路，大家心里有数。官商在那片灰色的区域里自得其乐，而百姓呢也不 过是茶余饭后发发牢骚，谁愿意真正去上访告个御状什么的？黑色在左边，白色在右边，灰色中间，事不关己岂不是图个大家自在？如果不是那些无辜的小生命，这 件事还将会被隐瞒多久？奶粉事件曝光之后，铺天盖地的食品安全问题，仿佛一夜之间人们才发现原来我们平日里的美味佳肴都成了毒药。而冰冻三尺非一日之寒。
我们总是等在灰色里，等着黑色侵蚀过来，才看到黑与白之间有一条清清楚楚的线不容忽视。
如那篇文章最后所说，我的人性早就被冻伤了。我们在灰色里做鸵鸟做得太久了，以至下意识地认为那里才是安全的。
看 完书其实想了挺多的。如最后那张照片和那段话：门背后永远深锁着一个又一个的故事，故事背后，又是另一道门。其实香港与内地的生活方式还是很不一样的，所 得到的成长也不一样吧。其实马仔的圈子与我们的圈子也是不一样的，经历的也不一样。只不过生活与思考都是一样的。
所以，想起了用在诗经上的三个字——思无邪。
*************************************
sm baidu post6小浚子
这本书我还没有看完，我是这样理解此书的作者：
他是一个内心极丰富、极敏感、极爱思考的人，你可以从书中看到他的无奈，他对于现实的无奈，可是我们都能从中看到正面、努力、积极的东西。这种无奈历经时间，已经在他心中形成极好的保护盾，所以现在他的内心是强大的。
他也清楚地认识到自己的问题，就是“放不低”，因为执着所以“放不低”，因为坚持所以“放不低”，因为内心向善所以“放不低”。我记得他在一章中讲到：他现在已经学会去放下。
其中有一章，讲到“丧尸”，如果不是读到这样的文字，我从来不会想到这么个外表轻松人会有如此沉重、“与众不同”的想法。
不过字里行间，我能够感受到他的些许的轻快、可爱，一如印象中那个沉稳与灵动并重的人。
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sm baidu 傾城玦 〖感想〗一个人——读《图文并谬》有感
前言
这本书是四哥在2008年7月出版的，而至今已过去一年的时间，我才得以买到这本书。可以说是我这两年太忙，也可以说是我这两年来生活得并不如意，所以至今才将这本书拿到手，相信可能很多人都没有看过这本书，当然也有少数的人因为对四哥的喜爱，而如我一样不停拼命的收集关于他的一切东西。
对于四哥出的这五本书，我一共有三本。《拯救沉重的生命》《向好走向坏走》和《图文并谬》，至于另外两本《我是病人家属》和《马仔眼中的女人》是我所没有的。不过我觉得对于出版的这几本书而言，我在看过之后，很喜欢这本《图文并谬》，因为可以说除了《马仔眼中的女人》这本以外的其他三本，应该都不算是出自于四哥的手笔。而这本《图文并谬》确实是来自于四哥心灵的感受，很真实的一本书。这本书的内容，正是印证了我这十年来对他的了解，亦如对这本书的体会一样。或者说，我眼中的四哥，就是这样一个人。对，他就是一个人。
因为书的版权问题，我无法与更多喜欢四哥的人，一起分享这本书中四哥很多的思想和点滴的生活。那么我只能是把我自己的体会写下来，与一些喜欢他，并想要了解他的人一起分享。当然对于每个人主观的看法和见解，必然是不同的，在这里，我只能是表达我主观上的意愿和想法。
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我想每个人看书，都会先挑自己喜欢的部分看吧。而我看的第一部分是序，很遗憾的是，这本书没有后记，就我个人看书的习惯来说，比较喜欢先看序言，然后看后记，最后再从内容中挑选自己喜欢的先看。可这本书没有后记，而对前言来说，个人觉得亦没有内容更加精彩的东西存在。说得不好听一点，为四哥作序的这些人，不知所谓。所谓序，是应该是把全书看过之后，有过的一些感悟和体会，但是这本书的序，好似是因为做序而序。所以我觉得这本书前面的两个序，不读也罢。
对于罗家英为四哥做的第三个序言，可以让这些喜欢四哥的人，更为之深刻的融入到四哥的真实生活中，可是孰真孰假，这个问题，就有待考究。不过身为娱乐圈中的人，是非对错，难道真的可以着手探讨么？相信这个答案必然是否定的。但是如果四哥真如罗家英所说的一样，那么没错，这就是我们这么多年来认识的那个四哥。低调的，不语的，沉默的，如四哥所讲亦是孤独的。一直觉得这是个没有自由的圈子，但它不过如此亦只是一份供人以温饱的工作。
要说一部电视剧和一首歌，带给人的共鸣和影响远不及一本书，或者是一段文字来得更加的真实，猛烈和长远。可能这就是我个人所追求的东西与很多的人都不相同的原因。要说我亦年轻过，我也曾为之疯狂过，但是一切过去了，还有谁会记得彼此，拂尘往事从来都是烟消云散的东西，只有文字，可以长久远的保存下来，即使时间过得再久远一些，也不会觉得过时。这就好比中国千古以来的文化，孔子、孟子、老子无一被遗忘，相反更多的是被后人所探究和学习。所以对于四哥曾经说，等四十五岁退休离开娱乐圈，专职写作这件事来说，我个人是比较赞同的，既然有这样的理想和这样的机会，为何不付诸实行呢？
所以在四哥的这个圈子里，我更多的是写一些值得纪念的文字，来表达我对这个男人的热爱和喜欢，来自心灵深处的东西，是不容易被人遗忘的。有些感情不必每日放于嘴边，时间才是最好的证明。不必刻意的强调这份感情的真实，亦不必刻意的去伪装专一。我喜欢和欣赏的人很多，似乎每一样事物里面必有一个自己所喜欢的对象。这就好比四哥崇拜唐君毅，而我比较喜欢的作家是三毛，应该说在说到作家这个问题上，我喜欢的更加的繁琐和杂乱。我亦会喜欢如三毛一样的散文作家，也会喜欢如米兰昆德拉和村上春树这样的小说家，当然还会喜欢现代的安妮宝贝和韩寒，必然也会有喜欢的言情亦舒，在武侠上来说，我都有钟爱的卧龙生。这些都是个人的兴趣和爱好所致，所以我始终觉得不必强调对某一个人偏爱到底有多少。只要在这一刻，你曾用过心，只要在这一刻，你曾真过心，那么便足够。对大多数人而言，都是喜新厌旧的比较多，但就我个人而言，无谓喜新，更无谓厌旧，只要是不讨厌的，便是我所喜欢的。
再次不知所云，再回到书中。罗家英之后，便是四哥的自序。一些简单的字，不浮华不夸张，我只有一种体会，这男人很懂得感恩。好与不好不用说，这种心态是这么多年来那些所谓见过四哥的人所形容的一样，这就是一个给人以感觉亲切的人。这一点，如果说好听点，亦是老好人，如果说难听点就是圆滑。我永远都不会忘记一个朋友同我说过的话，他说，人表现在人前的东西都是有目的的，而一个人的时候才是最真实的。为什么我要在这里提这样一句话，那是在我看过这本书末尾那些图片和文字后，最真实的感想。
四哥，他就是孤独的一个人。其实我很想就我看书的这些体会，问问他，到底我的想法是对，还是错。末尾的小标题是《旅途中，偶拾一点光》，中有这样一段文字：“夜，总是惹人遐想，五光十色，灯红酒绿，一个人，干啥？喝杯酒，跳个舞，还是大伙儿唱唱歌，聊个够。然后，还是一个人，又是一个人……”这个男人他害怕孤独，但是他亦无法缺少这样宁静的一个人的时光，他需要了解与被了解，他这样的渴望有这么一个了解他的人，在他的身边，解他的忧愁，他需要一个绝对聪明的女人，能够足够的察言观色的情况下，知道他想要什么，他不想要什么。他从来都没有自由，至少说他身处在这样一圈子里，他不如普通的人活得潇洒，但他依然潇洒。就凭最近关于崔Sir那件事情的回复一样，我很欣赏四哥在某些时候所做出的回应和低调的处理。他说，错就要认，没做过就要否认。可是我想说，四哥依然是很单纯那一类。其实这些道理，我想他都懂，但是他不愿意相信。这就如他所写的一样：“有时候真的很自相矛盾，怕寂寞，又怕热闹。到底该如何平衡，而平衡又真的存在吗？原来，我根本不懂。”其实他懂，这个世界无法得到绝对的平衡，只是他不愿意相信，这就是每个人存在于内心深处的矛盾的根结。
我记得曾经桔子(温馨马仔小屋创始人)说，她不喜欢四哥的文字，总感觉是在说教。对于此言论，我曾经亦表示赞同，毕竟就我自己来说，凭空的理论，相对于将思想放置于一个故事或者一个情节中，这两种表达方式，我更加喜欢后者，因为它更加生动和让人信服。但是就四哥而言，我觉得他能写这本《图文并谬》已经是很不错，如果说硬是拿他同另外一个人做比较，那他肯定是比不上那些拿了若贝尔文学奖的大作家。这个如何的相提并论？这就好比我在TVB吧写的那些剧评一样，我不爱拿一些人与另外一些人做对比，每个人出色的地方都不在于此，这又怎么比较，这样的比较又如何服众？我比较欣赏那些不断挖掘自己优势，并不断为之付出和努力的人。
我知道，我在四哥的吧里提到某些人，实属不该，但是写到这里，又让我不得不提。最近某个我喜欢的亦同是TVB的人是非很多，某些人总是喜欢用这个那个去与之比较，个人觉得这种行为，极其的愚昧和幼稚。说句很老套的话，这个世界没有相同的两片叶子，必然也没有相同的两个人。既然完全都是不同的，又何来比较之说？所以就四哥出的这本《图文并谬》而言，个人觉得相当的难得。至少能够更深刻的了解，这一个为之喜欢了十年的男人，他的内心深处究竟如何。
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就我自己而言，我不是什么文人，也不是什么评论家，只是对写作和读书有一定的偏好。所以个人觉得，这本书，中间有一些短小的故事，表达了四哥他所想要表达的思想。目的很简单，如果说我的理解没有错，那么我觉得也挺容易懂。当然也不是就此说四哥肤浅，毕竟个人看过的书，也不甚言少，可能是我个人比较自大和自以为是的缘故，不过我从来不在乎别人对我的评价和看法，只做我自己想做的事，写我想写的东西，便是我的自由，我的权利。至于看与不看，喜欢与否，那都与我无关，只是与你自己偏好有关而已。
因为这本书提及到陈奕迅的《1874》。故此，我特意去听了这首歌，我见识少，以前确实没听过这首歌。至于歌的本身，不在四哥所想要写的范畴之内。这个男人，他应该是个比较大男人主义的，更加比较需要一个了解和能够理解他的人存在于他的身边。可能我自己的见解与他有所不同，他在文中提及，他觉得自己不属于这个年代，他想体验那种所谓的不幸福的社会和生活。可能正因为现代的幸福来得太容易，让人更加的不懂得珍惜。很多的时候，很多人，总是期望很高，总是抱怨生活没给我们带来什么？试问，你为生活付出过什么？付出和收获从来都无法平衡，从来都不是成正比的。所以更多的时候，我们需要接受的是生活的无奈和现实的残酷。但是有理想的人，依然会为之追求和不懈的努力。这才是所谓的平衡吧。珍惜眼前，不懈努力。才是四哥想要告诉我们的1874。
为何我要说，我与四哥的见解不同。因为就从字面上的感觉，他应该是一个爱好和平的男人。但是对于我来说，和平这个词，在我世界，从来都是不存在的。这个世界如何得到平衡，就好比10年一度的金融风暴，就好比10年一次的天灾人祸，就好比10年一袭的瘟疫病痛。这些都是生活中必不可少的部分，我们害怕这些，但是不得不面对这些。任何一件事都有它存在的价值，好的与不好的，都会并存于这个世界上。这就好比那些很简单的网络话语，如果这个世界没有坏人，那么还要警察来干什么？一方面，我亦希望这些不好的事情，它不存在于这个世上，而另一方面，我又会想，如果它真的不存在了，这个世界又该是一个什么样子？所以对于战争和政治来说，这不过是统治者个人的意愿，但是这样的意愿会在某个特定的时候左右很多人的思想。就好比我喜欢的希特勒一样，对，他是个侵略者，但是一样无法否认他的成就和一些他值得为之探讨的东西，对于政治家来说，这些人的东西和思想都是值得借鉴和思考的。（最遗憾的是，希特勒的《我的奋斗》这本书被我弄丢了<哭>，可能这一世都再也无法买到。因为是禁书！）
综上所述，四哥这本书要与我们表达的东西亦是正面的信息。但是也有他灰暗的一面，人在写东西的时候，都会带着自己的感情进去，就如四哥写他还是一个人一样！这就是这个男人所谓的孤独。有时候，我觉得这样的四哥，不知道究竟是对还是错，他总是不断的想要去珍惜，但是好像都不是他所想要人和事情。其实有时候这样的将就并不见得就是好事。总的来说，喜欢四哥的人，都希望他得到幸福，而我们所谓的幸福，是他真正想要的幸福。而这种幸福，目前看来，如果他放不开自己，必然不易得到他自己真正想要的人。
对于罗家英为四哥做的第三个序言，可以让这些喜欢四哥的人，更为之深刻的融入到四哥的真实生活中，可是孰真孰假，这个问题，就有待考究。不过身为娱乐圈中的人，是非对错，难道真的可以着手探讨么？相信这个答案必然是否定的。但是如果四哥真如罗家英所说的一样，那么没错，这就是我们这么多年来认识的那个四哥。低调的，不语的，沉默的，如四哥所讲亦是孤独的。一直觉得这是个没有自由的圈子，但它不过如此亦只是一份供人以温饱的工作。
要说一部电视剧和一首歌，带给人的共鸣和影响远不及一本书，或者是一段文字来得更加的真实，猛烈和长远。可能这就是我个人所追求的东西与很多的人都不相同的原因。要说我亦年轻过，我也曾为之疯狂过，但是一切过去了，还有谁会记得彼此，拂尘往事从来都是烟消云散的东西，只有文字，可以长久远的保存下来，即使时间过得再久远一些，也不会觉得过时。这就好比中国千古以来的文化，孔子、孟子、老子无一被遗忘，相反更多的是被后人所探究和学习。所以对于四哥曾经说，等四十五岁退休离开娱乐圈，专职写作这件事来说，我个人是比较赞同的，既然有这样的理想和这样的机会，为何不付诸实行呢？
所以在四哥的这个圈子里，我更多的是写一些值得纪念的文字，来表达我对这个男人的热爱和喜欢，来自心灵深处的东西，是不容易被人遗忘的。有些感情不必每日放于嘴边，时间才是最好的证明。不必刻意的强调这份感情的真实，亦不必刻意的去伪装专一。我喜欢和欣赏的人很多，似乎每一样事物里面必有一个自己所喜欢的对象。这就好比四哥崇拜唐君毅，而我比较喜欢的作家是三毛，应该说在说到作家这个问题上，我喜欢的更加的繁琐和杂乱。我亦会喜欢如三毛一样的散文作家，也会喜欢如米兰昆德拉和村上春树这样的小说家，当然还会喜欢现代的安妮宝贝和韩寒，必然也会有喜欢的言情亦舒，在武侠上来说，我都有钟爱的卧龙生。这些都是个人的兴趣和爱好所致，所以我始终觉得不必强调对某一个人偏爱到底有多少。只要在这一刻，你曾用过心，只要在这一刻，你曾真过心，那么便足够。对大多数人而言，都是喜新厌旧的比较多，但就我个人而言，无谓喜新，更无谓厌旧，只要是不讨厌的，便是我所喜欢的。
再次不知所云，再回到书中。罗家英之后，便是四哥的自序。一些简单的字，不浮华不夸张，我只有一种体会，这男人很懂得感恩。好与不好不用说，这种心态是这么多年来那些所谓见过四哥的人所形容的一样，这就是一个给人以感觉亲切的人。这一点，如果说好听点，亦是老好人，如果说难听点就是圆滑。我永远都不会忘记一个朋友同我说过的话，他说，人表现在人前的东西都是有目的的，而一个人的时候才是最真实的。为什么我要在这里提这样一句话，那是在我看过这本书末尾那些图片和文字后，最真实的感想。
四哥，他就是孤独的一个人。其实我很想就我看书的这些体会，问问他，到底我的想法是对，还是错。末尾的小标题是《旅途中，偶拾一点光》，中有这样一段文字：“夜，总是惹人遐想，五光十色，灯红酒绿，一个人，干啥？喝杯酒，跳个舞，还是大伙儿唱唱歌，聊个够。然后，还是一个人，又是一个人……”这个男人他害怕孤独，但是他亦无法缺少这样宁静的一个人的时光，他需要了解与被了解，他这样的渴望有这么一个了解他的人，在他的身边，解他的忧愁，他需要一个绝对聪明的女人，能够足够的察言观色的情况下，知道他想要什么，他不想要什么。他从来都没有自由，至少说他身处在这样一圈子里，他不如普通的人活得潇洒，但他依然潇洒。就凭最近关于崔Sir那件事情的回复一样，我很欣赏四哥在某些时候所做出的回应和低调的处理。他说，错就要认，没做过就要否认。可是我想说，四哥依然是很单纯那一类。其实这些道理，我想他都懂，但是他不愿意相信。这就如他所写的一样：“有时候真的很自相矛盾，怕寂寞，又怕热闹。到底该如何平衡，而平衡又真的存在吗？原来，我根本不懂。”其实他懂，这个世界无法得到绝对的平衡，只是他不愿意相信，这就是每个人存在于内心深处的矛盾的根结。
我记得曾经桔子(温馨马仔小屋创始人)说，她不喜欢四哥的文字，总感觉是在说教。对于此言论，我曾经亦表示赞同，毕竟就我自己来说，凭空的理论，相对于将思想放置于一个故事或者一个情节中，这两种表达方式，我更加喜欢后者，因为它更加生动和让人信服。但是就四哥而言，我觉得他能写这本《图文并谬》已经是很不错，如果说硬是拿他同另外一个人做比较，那他肯定是比不上那些拿了若贝尔文学奖的大作家。这个如何的相提并论？这就好比我在TVB吧写的那些剧评一样，我不爱拿一些人与另外一些人做对比，每个人出色的地方都不在于此，这又怎么比较，这样的比较又如何服众？我比较欣赏那些不断挖掘自己优势，并不断为之付出和努力的人。
我知道，我在四哥的吧里提到某些人，实属不该，但是写到这里，又让我不得不提。最近某个我喜欢的亦同是TVB的人是非很多，某些人总是喜欢用这个那个去与之比较，个人觉得这种行为，极其的愚昧和幼稚。说句很老套的话，这个世界没有相同的两片叶子，必然也没有相同的两个人。既然完全都是不同的，又何来比较之说？所以就四哥出的这本《图文并谬》而言，个人觉得相当的难得。至少能够更深刻的了解，这一个为之喜欢了十年的男人，他的内心深处究竟如何。
2
就我自己而言，我不是什么文人，也不是什么评论家，只是对写作和读书有一定的偏好。所以个人觉得，这本书，中间有一些短小的故事，表达了四哥他所想要表达的思想。目的很简单，如果说我的理解没有错，那么我觉得也挺容易懂。当然也不是就此说四哥肤浅，毕竟个人看过的书，也不甚言少，可能是我个人比较自大和自以为是的缘故，不过我从来不在乎别人对我的评价和看法，只做我自己想做的事，写我想写的东西，便是我的自由，我的权利。至于看与不看，喜欢与否，那都与我无关，只是与你自己偏好有关而已。
因为这本书提及到陈奕迅的《1874》。故此，我特意去听了这首歌，我见识少，以前确实没听过这首歌。至于歌的本身，不在四哥所想要写的范畴之内。这个男人，他应该是个比较大男人主义的，更加比较需要一个了解和能够理解他的人存在于他的身边。可能我自己的见解与他有所不同，他在文中提及，他觉得自己不属于这个年代，他想体验那种所谓的不幸福的社会和生活。可能正因为现代的幸福来得太容易，让人更加的不懂得珍惜。很多的时候，很多人，总是期望很高，总是抱怨生活没给我们带来什么？试问，你为生活付出过什么？付出和收获从来都无法平衡，从来都不是成正比的。所以更多的时候，我们需要接受的是生活的无奈和现实的残酷。但是有理想的人，依然会为之追求和不懈的努力。这才是所谓的平衡吧。珍惜眼前，不懈努力。才是四哥想要告诉我们的1874。
为何我要说，我与四哥的见解不同。因为就从字面上的感觉，他应该是一个爱好和平的男人。但是对于我来说，和平这个词，在我世界，从来都是不存在的。这个世界如何得到平衡，就好比10年一度的金融风暴，就好比10年一次的天灾人祸，就好比10年一袭的瘟疫病痛。这些都是生活中必不可少的部分，我们害怕这些，但是不得不面对这些。任何一件事都有它存在的价值，好的与不好的，都会并存于这个世界上。这就好比那些很简单的网络话语，如果这个世界没有坏人，那么还要警察来干什么？一方面，我亦希望这些不好的事情，它不存在于这个世上，而另一方面，我又会想，如果它真的不存在了，这个世界又该是一个什么样子？所以对于战争和政治来说，这不过是统治者个人的意愿，但是这样的意愿会在某个特定的时候左右很多人的思想。就好比我喜欢的希特勒一样，对，他是个侵略者，但是一样无法否认他的成就和一些他值得为之探讨的东西，对于政治家来说，这些人的东西和思想都是值得借鉴和思考的。（最遗憾的是，希特勒的《我的奋斗》这本书被我弄丢了<哭>，可能这一世都再也无法买到。因为是禁书！）
综上所述，四哥这本书要与我们表达的东西亦是正面的信息。但是也有他灰暗的一面，人在写东西的时候，都会带着自己的感情进去，就如四哥写他还是一个人一样！这就是这个男人所谓的孤独。有时候，我觉得这样的四哥，不知道究竟是对还是错，他总是不断的想要去珍惜，但是好像都不是他所想要人和事情。其实有时候这样的将就并不见得就是好事。总的来说，喜欢四哥的人，都希望他得到幸福，而我们所谓的幸福，是他真正想要的幸福。而这种幸福，目前看来，如果他放不开自己，必然不易得到他自己真正想要的人。
TBC- but she didn't
Pork Bones Dried Veggie Soup
菜乾豬骨湯
Drinking the pork bones dried veggie soup that father made for me, I feel deeply moved. I remember one day when I woke up, father was busy fiddling with my broken hot water heater. Busy doing what? Apparently a few days ago, he had called up a repair and service company and scheduled for a repairman to come over between 1 to 3 pm.
I woke up at 10 am. Frankly, whenever a stranger comes over to my house, I always feel a bit uncomfortable and will stay in my bedroom. When the stranger leaves, only then will I come out of the room. It is not because I am an artiste, but rather it is a habit acquired since young. But this time it was obviously not going to work. And so I told my father I am going to work out, will be back soon.
At the gym, whatever needed to be done, I did. Can’t over exercise now, right? Check the clock, there’s still time so I took a nap in the resting area. When I woke up it was only 12:30 pm. What to do? I had no other place to go to. So, wander around town or go home? I’d much rather go home.
When I got home, it was only about 1 pm. I thought to myself when the repairman arrived, I would just sleep in my older sister’s bedroom. Anyway I like sleeping. But for now at least before he came, I could move freely in the living room to either watch tv, get on net or maybe chat with father. Actually I’m like my father, don’t say much; but once words given, will always follow through! And so, without conversing much, we leisurely watched tv together.
Father sat properly on one side of the sofa. And me? Like a big, lazy worm, I sprawled on the other side of the sofa. And so there we were, watching tv; at times chuckling, at times quiet; at times wondering why the repairman still not here; and at times chatting about family members. And so, the time flew.
At that time, we were watching a Jackie Cheung movie. Suddenly I had this craving for watercress soup. So I asked father, “Can you make watercress soup for me tomorrow?” He smiled and said, “Right now, there’s not a whole lot of watercress for sale and most don’t look good anyway. If it’s good, I’ll buy some.. else dried veggie soup is good too.” Without hesitation, I said, “Fine, so long it’s veggie soup.”
When the doorbell rang, it was already 5:30 pm. He said because his previous water heater repair work was extensive, that’s why he was so late. I did not blame him; on the contrary, I wanted to thank him. Thank him for inadvertently creating this opportunity whereby both my father and I were accorded these leisure moments of warm companionship.
This essay, even as I wrote I was savoring another pork bones dried veggie soup.
I woke up at 10 am. Frankly, whenever a stranger comes over to my house, I always feel a bit uncomfortable and will stay in my bedroom. When the stranger leaves, only then will I come out of the room. It is not because I am an artiste, but rather it is a habit acquired since young. But this time it was obviously not going to work. And so I told my father I am going to work out, will be back soon.
At the gym, whatever needed to be done, I did. Can’t over exercise now, right? Check the clock, there’s still time so I took a nap in the resting area. When I woke up it was only 12:30 pm. What to do? I had no other place to go to. So, wander around town or go home? I’d much rather go home.
When I got home, it was only about 1 pm. I thought to myself when the repairman arrived, I would just sleep in my older sister’s bedroom. Anyway I like sleeping. But for now at least before he came, I could move freely in the living room to either watch tv, get on net or maybe chat with father. Actually I’m like my father, don’t say much; but once words given, will always follow through! And so, without conversing much, we leisurely watched tv together.
Father sat properly on one side of the sofa. And me? Like a big, lazy worm, I sprawled on the other side of the sofa. And so there we were, watching tv; at times chuckling, at times quiet; at times wondering why the repairman still not here; and at times chatting about family members. And so, the time flew.
At that time, we were watching a Jackie Cheung movie. Suddenly I had this craving for watercress soup. So I asked father, “Can you make watercress soup for me tomorrow?” He smiled and said, “Right now, there’s not a whole lot of watercress for sale and most don’t look good anyway. If it’s good, I’ll buy some.. else dried veggie soup is good too.” Without hesitation, I said, “Fine, so long it’s veggie soup.”
When the doorbell rang, it was already 5:30 pm. He said because his previous water heater repair work was extensive, that’s why he was so late. I did not blame him; on the contrary, I wanted to thank him. Thank him for inadvertently creating this opportunity whereby both my father and I were accorded these leisure moments of warm companionship.
This essay, even as I wrote I was savoring another pork bones dried veggie soup.
Thank you, father!
p118commentary: Posted 13 February 2009
When I first read this prose essay, it did not stand out among the more profound writings in the book. In fact, I had completely overlooked it, so unassuming it was with its prosaic style of writing. It reads like a page off any diary, simply and unpretentiously written, almost innocuous in its chatty style of writing until one reads it with one's heart. When I read it for a second time, it impressed me differently, how so? It struck me belatedly that this is in fact an essay written by an adult son who is not afraid to publicly show his love for his dad and to publicly thank him. We, as children, often take our parents for granted, never mind writing an essay to express our gratitude to them. This particular essay besides indicating that Steven's father makes good soup is also very telling of Steven's own personality. 1)He is a private person. 2)He is a contented homebody who enjoys sleeping. 3)He is a quiet person at home, not given to much small talks. 4)He is like father like son; both men of their words. 5)He is willing to spend time with his father; and appreciates those quiet moments together. 6)He makes simple moments special and meaningful. 7)He is a sentimental person and given to poetic contemplation.
If - If Only
如果
If only (Yu guo) are two words that are filled with hope.
Life on earth, these two words “if only”, for sure their usage during our lifetime is not limited to just mean “don’t comprehend”; I don’t think! Truly, did you notice, actually the denotation of “if” is broad and diverse. Besides denoting something yet to happen, yet to appear, yet to finish, it is also connotative with unspoken, underlying meanings of a change, a yen, an aspiration and of a need.
They are all in these two words, just two words.
Writing thus, I dare not carelessly utter “yu guo”!
For yet to happen: I wish if the finale could end like this, it would be so good!
For already happened: I imagine if the finale had ended like this, it would have been so much better!
In actuality, is “if” my selfish desire or is it my expectation?
In actuality, is “if” my expectation or is it my fantasy?
Furthermore, “if” is only my fantasy, then should it be an ‘if”?
If “if” means “possible”, then this “if” may happen.
If “if” means the impossible, then this “if” is pitiful.
Also if “if” is just an “if” then why bother with if?
In short, does “if” only denote a “possible result”?
Or does it denote “per my wishful thinking kind of result”?
Don’t know and don’t dare to presume!
But I myself have many “ifs”!
If.. people can be more tolerant;
If.. people can be more empathic;
If.. people can be less self-centered;
Or maybe if.. the world can be more peaceful,
More tranquil, more beautiful;
Would it be much better?
If my “ifs” are all wishful thinking…
If my “ifs” can all come true…
If……
Book - Women
女人
Two women, two mothers, talk about what?
“I won’t want to be a female in my next lifetime!”
Or perhaps,
“I would still love to be a female!”
Two women, two mothers, complaint about what?
“I wish my son is like this!”
Or perhaps,
“I wish my daughter is like that!
Haha! Two women, two mothers; amusing! 挺好玩的!
Women, in my heart, are represented by mothers, sisters and of course, wife. (lo po dai yan)
Women, in my heart, represent attentiveness, solicitude, romance, efforts, sacrifice.
Women, in my heart, represent being over-sensitive, suspicious, petty, imaginative, emotional.
Truly, women’s good or not good, there’s no need to elaborate especially women who are mothers;
put aside their shortcomings, just their virtues will be too many to numerate.
In any case, take labor pains, can we even endure that?
Truly, in my whole life I could never experience such pain as that!
I know many women, single, married, those who love liveliness and those who prefer solitude.
But what do they really want in the end?
A husband? A boyfriend? Older brother? Younger brother? Son? Friends?
Or perhaps a father? ShushuUncle? Jiujiu uncle?
Or companions?
Women, I really don’t get what you’re thinking?
Perhaps, you too think us men are at times…very clueless!不知所谓!
But then, males and women are naturally very different!
Don’t want to talk! One of my petphrases is: Women, just let me be!
不願談! 是我口頭禪之一, 女人, 讓我吧!
If our mindsets are the same, then, no discussions is even necessary!
And so, women, I am willing on behalf of all men to say sorry to you all
I am willing on behalf of all men to say to you all … I understand your hardship
And have also experienced your grief;
Hope to share your happiness, even more so, hope to stand by your side!
Women ya, women ya…we love you!
Pp108 -109
Two women, two mothers, talk about what?
“I won’t want to be a female in my next lifetime!”
Or perhaps,
“I would still love to be a female!”
Two women, two mothers, complaint about what?
“I wish my son is like this!”
Or perhaps,
“I wish my daughter is like that!
Haha! Two women, two mothers; amusing! 挺好玩的!
Women, in my heart, are represented by mothers, sisters and of course, wife. (lo po dai yan)
Women, in my heart, represent attentiveness, solicitude, romance, efforts, sacrifice.
Women, in my heart, represent being over-sensitive, suspicious, petty, imaginative, emotional.
Truly, women’s good or not good, there’s no need to elaborate especially women who are mothers;
put aside their shortcomings, just their virtues will be too many to numerate.
In any case, take labor pains, can we even endure that?
Truly, in my whole life I could never experience such pain as that!
I know many women, single, married, those who love liveliness and those who prefer solitude.
But what do they really want in the end?
A husband? A boyfriend? Older brother? Younger brother? Son? Friends?
Or perhaps a father? ShushuUncle? Jiujiu uncle?
Or companions?
Women, I really don’t get what you’re thinking?
Perhaps, you too think us men are at times…very clueless!不知所谓!
But then, males and women are naturally very different!
Don’t want to talk! One of my petphrases is: Women, just let me be!
不願談! 是我口頭禪之一, 女人, 讓我吧!
If our mindsets are the same, then, no discussions is even necessary!
And so, women, I am willing on behalf of all men to say sorry to you all
I am willing on behalf of all men to say to you all … I understand your hardship
And have also experienced your grief;
Hope to share your happiness, even more so, hope to stand by your side!
Women ya, women ya…we love you!
Pp108 -109
Book - Black and White
黑與白
Truths and lies, are they separated only by a thin line?
A person’s courage to tell lies over truth is often stronger and audacious. So the ability to fib is inborn? I believe it is definitely not so.
Babies cry when born because even before their eyes are open, their butts get slapped. You slap me, I cry. Very fair! I’m hungry, need milk. I can’t speak so I cry. Very straightforward! Learning to speak: can only gibber ‘ma’, nothing else. So what? Very honest! At walking stage, learns to walk. When sees something I like; I laugh. When dislikes; I cry. Who scares of who? Very brave indeed! That’s how it should be. So genuine, so realistic, so adorable! But, don’t know when, someone will appear who teaches not to do this, not to speak thus. Let me clarify first, that very person is not teaching you to lie, only that, by doing this will ease your way.
I believe this is them showing their love and affection for you. What is sad is that the previously simple and honest thoughts are now colored with a great deal of gray. The thought processing has become inexplicably complicated. And spoken words are now more reserved. Thus the heart and mouth are not in tune with each other. But then, this can be said to be a good thing or maybe it can be said to be maturation.
Of course, if discreetly and aptly applied, this is a sophisticated set of social skills in human interactions. But what if it is not?
Actually, for me, truths and lies are mutually exclusive. Regardless of how beautiful a lie is or how cruel a truth is: a lie, say it a trillion times, is still a lie; whereas a truth, though unspoken, is still the reality.
Of course, if the truth is concealed out of kindness, I won’t call it a lie. But those spoken to gain power, or fame, or for personal agenda, or for cover-up, then I call it despicable and terrible.
So, who taught you to become so honestly beautiful? And who taught you to become so despicably ugly?
So, actually, black and white is really quite beautiful!
pp106 – 107
Truths and lies, are they separated only by a thin line?
A person’s courage to tell lies over truth is often stronger and audacious. So the ability to fib is inborn? I believe it is definitely not so.
Babies cry when born because even before their eyes are open, their butts get slapped. You slap me, I cry. Very fair! I’m hungry, need milk. I can’t speak so I cry. Very straightforward! Learning to speak: can only gibber ‘ma’, nothing else. So what? Very honest! At walking stage, learns to walk. When sees something I like; I laugh. When dislikes; I cry. Who scares of who? Very brave indeed! That’s how it should be. So genuine, so realistic, so adorable! But, don’t know when, someone will appear who teaches not to do this, not to speak thus. Let me clarify first, that very person is not teaching you to lie, only that, by doing this will ease your way.
I believe this is them showing their love and affection for you. What is sad is that the previously simple and honest thoughts are now colored with a great deal of gray. The thought processing has become inexplicably complicated. And spoken words are now more reserved. Thus the heart and mouth are not in tune with each other. But then, this can be said to be a good thing or maybe it can be said to be maturation.
Of course, if discreetly and aptly applied, this is a sophisticated set of social skills in human interactions. But what if it is not?
Actually, for me, truths and lies are mutually exclusive. Regardless of how beautiful a lie is or how cruel a truth is: a lie, say it a trillion times, is still a lie; whereas a truth, though unspoken, is still the reality.
Of course, if the truth is concealed out of kindness, I won’t call it a lie. But those spoken to gain power, or fame, or for personal agenda, or for cover-up, then I call it despicable and terrible.
So, who taught you to become so honestly beautiful? And who taught you to become so despicably ugly?
So, actually, black and white is really quite beautiful!
pp106 – 107
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