Book - Smelly Tofu

臭豆腐

Loathe the taste of Smelly Tofu. As to Smelly Tofu’s special brand of ‘fragrant’ scent - even if the hawker’s stall selling them is at one end of the street, the other end of it also reeks with their odor. That pungent odor saturating the air will have me instantly turn on my heels fleeing the scene. In no way am I disparaging Smelly Tofu, it is just a matter of personal taste. Many of my friends who like Smelly Tofu told me that it is actually not smelly at all, on the contrary, it is quite fragrantly crisp to the taste. They tried to sweet-talk me to sample it. I refused to open my mouth. Instead I pinched my nose tight and begged them to please take it away, or else I would die of suffocation. A bit of hyperbolizing here, but my loathing for that particular odor is no joke! Until that one particular get-together of new and old friends sharing a meal, having fun chitchatting happily away.

Then the doorbell rang. Another friend had just arrived. I opened the door, and immediately saw the package of Smelly Tofu in his hand. An ‘aroma’ rushed up at me. And I thought to myself, “Oh God! (Tin ya!) Never mind that you did not buy a visitation gift, but do you have to bring along that “thing”? At that moment, I was so tempted to lock that friend out. But as a host, such discourtesy would be inappropriate, and so I grudgingly let him in.

The moment he sat down, he immediately shared his goodies with good friends, which upon savoring prompted exclamations of “Delicious!” (hou mei!), “Great!”(zheng ya!). I cautiously sat myself at the very far end, watching them devouring the goodies. Suddenly, a lady friend asked me why I was not partaking. I said I did not like fried food. My good friends instantaneously hooted and eagerly divulged that I was actually scared of the “stink” not the “fried”. Upon hearing that, the lady friend snickered and uttered, “Useless” (mo guai yung!) “What?” How did disliking Smelly Tofu become associated with being useless? I was a bit peeved, but could only keep mum.

Later, a group of good brothers (hou hing dai) deliberately taunted me with this speared piece of Smelly Tofu dangling before my face. Since my manly ego was clearly being challenged, I took a piece, promptly popped it into my mouth, and chewed determinedly. Yee? It’s not smelly! Not bad tasting, either! All my friends cheered and taking turns, teased, “There you go, you ate it! What’s there to be scared of?”

True! Actually what I previously thought of as scary, including tasks and things, they were really no big deal. If one is daring enough to try them out, or willing enough to take the first step out, the real situation might indeed turn out quite differently. Although to this day I still dislike eating Smelly Tofu, I do, however, want to thank my friends for opening up my mind.

source: 圖文並謬 pp 42-43

Book - What is “Good”?

 甚麼是“好”﹖
Look up the definition of ‘good’ in a dictionary. The primary meaning is thus: of superior quality, giving satisfaction, opposite of ‘bad’. When ‘good’ is positioned differently in a sentence, or pronounced differently, or used in context with other words, its underlying meaning is adaptable. That ‘good’ varies is not difficult to understand. The exception is when it is placed before the word ‘people’ or after ‘not’, respectively, that aroused my misgivings of its usage.

Who are good people? Who are bad? I will not presume to judge. Whether a person is deemed good or not is an arbitrary judgment made by other people based on their own points of view. Furthermore, does this kind of opinionated judgment on good vs not good realistically depict the whole truth? Good person, not good person; how to differentiate?

A man, let’s call him Good Person, had parents, a wife and children. He was filial to his parents and responsible to his family. As the breadwinner, he worked ceaselessly and tirelessly. Despite his fatigue, he did it all without complaints. He was law-abiding and decent, and looked upon taking care of his family his primary duty. In the eye of friends and relatives, he was a good son, a good husband and a good father.

One day, Good Person’s company suddenly closed down. The responsible party had absconded. Besides losing his job, his back wages were lost, too. Suddenly, a low-income but warm home laid heavily as a burden on Good Person’s shoulders. He looked everywhere for a job but was met with brick walls everywhere. Overwhelmed with quickly diminishing savings and amounting debts, on top of his joblessness, he became disheartened and took to drinking for solace. However, despite their increasing hardship, he always presented a cheerful bravado before his family as he did not want them to worry. He, was still a good person. But leaking roof does heighten stormy weathers. Months passed, he still could not find a job. His sense of self-capability and pride were greatly eroded, and he soon lost his self-confidence. Because of their financial straits, the couple began to bicker incessantly over minute stuff. His parents were often sick because of old age. His wife’s sole financial support was not enough. And his children were at their most rebellious stage and often got into trouble. All these were like relentless surges of waves cresting over him. A once harmonious and loving home soon became discordant and contentious. Gradually, he gave up looking for a job and took to gambling. He drifted on the streets and drank his days away. He was like a walking zombie, totally neglecting his responsibility towards his family.

He, was no longer a good person. His parents, one after the other, died of illness. His wife, brokenhearted over Good Person’s self-abuse, took the children and left him. Abandoned by family and friends, he finally collapsed. Good Person’s heart died…

Good Person, looking disheveled and clutching a beer bottle in his hand, appeared on a bustling town center. He sat by the road, head hung and still. An old man passed by. Out of curiosity, he asked him why the downcast visage. He returned with a question, “Do you have regrets?” The old man smiled but did not answer. He asked, “If you could re-live the past, what would you do differently?” At hearing this, tears streamed down his face and choking with sobs, he said: “If I could re-live the past, I wish I could go back to my previous home and take care of my parents, love my wife and raise my children well. No matter how tough or how tiring, I would be contented….” So overwhelmed with wracking sobs, he could not finish his sentence. The old man sighed and said, “Too bad the past cannot be turned back. But hearing you words, you are still a good person.” Saying thus, the old man turned and walked away.

Good Person was lost in sorrows, reminiscing the past, but alas the past cannot be changed. He, wordlessly asked heaven. 他, 無語問蒼天 (title of a Beyond's song youtube)

source: 圖文並謬 pp56-57
Translator: Tamaya

無語問蒼天  by Beyond

Book - Which is scarier?

哪個可怕?

Ask if I’m scared of ghosts?  I’ll tell you, not one bit! Ghosts? Should say apparitions!

Exist or not, I don’t know.  And thankful have never seen one.  Since never seen one, there is nothing to fear.

Moreover, a clear conscience fears no midnight knocking on the door.  But I’m scared of the living dead! (zombies), starting with the 1980’s classic horror movie, “The City of the Living Dead” to the later “Return of the Living Dead”  and “The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre” , and the recent “Resident Evil” and such.  I’ve seen them all.  They were so realistically depicted that even knowing they were fabricated and therefore not real, I was still scared watching them. Can’t help it, but the more scare I am, the more I want to watch.

What are zombies?  From what years of “researches” have come up with, zombies are dead people who still cling to certain aspects of life but are totally devoid of reasoning and intellect capability, and are left only with humans’ most primal urge for food.  And their targeted food is humans' brains and hearts.  Wah! Scary, isn’t it?  

As to the ways of combating zombies, there are numerous suggestions. Some say stabbing their hearts with a sharp instrument or snapping their spines apart will destroy them.  Besides these, there are still many other methods, but since they are too gory to describe, I will omit them. 

But among the many ways, there is one that is really interesting, which is to use a mirror.  Ha! How does a mirror combat a zombie? The saying goes; zombies were originally of the human race; before ‘transforming’, they, like any ordinary people, lived an ordinary life.  And in their everyday life, checking themselves at a mirror was definitely a normal kind of behavior.  Hence, lodged in the zombies’ now debilitated memory is a vestige of how they used to look before.  Hence, when zombies encounter a mirror and see themselves reflected as a walking corpse, a living dead no less; no matter how voracious their hunger may be, they will flee the scene because they cannot accept their true form.  

True, a zombie is undeniably scary, but view from a different perspective, his/her circumstance is very pitiful.

Just think, what normal person would wish to become a zombie?  If not bitten by another zombie and be infected, who would want to get into an inhuman killing battlefield?  Also in the movies, once becoming a zombie, there is no turning back. Want to revert? There is no other road to travel, since its condition is irreversible. Can there be one day… an advance evolution or a transmutation?

~~Special News Bulletin~~

There appears in society a new product of zombies that are more advanced than the regular ones.  This new strain of zombies besides exhibiting all physical capabilities also retains humans' high intelligence.  Their physical appearances and mannerisms are those of normal people.  They are outwardly benevolent but inwardly malevolent.  To assuage their hunger, they are unscrupulous with their means and ways.  Sometimes, after gaining their victims’ trust through sweet words will they then reveal their true zombie colors.

The government warns the citizens to scream “No!” if they happen to encounter a zombie, and to immediately inform trustworthy people such as parents, teachers, police etc.

Remember -  Be alert and vigilant

Avoid being bitten

Is it..still afraid of mirrors?

source: 圖文並謬 pp 50-51

translator: Tamaya
essay scan 

Book - I was a salesman

我是一個營業員

I truly respect the sales occupation, but I just cannot condone salespeople referring themselves as sales-c (rhymes with sell-shit in Chinese.)  After graduating high school, my 1st job was at Long Man Publisher as sales assistant selling educational books.  Two years later, I switched job to Ling Gei Publisher as a salesman selling Chinese educational books.  But 3 months later, I took up a sales position at Tin Chemicals selling plastic products. 

Before entering the entertainment industry and excluding temporary jobs, my actual work resume consisted of only these three jobs, all of which happened to be sales and promotional related.  There are many requirements to being a salesperson such as: talkative, sociable, sharp, and an ability to think on one’s feet.   For me, what is most important should be self-confidence.  I once attended a seminar on how to become an outstanding salesperson.  The extensive content astonished me such as: verbal skill, market analyzes, selling and promotional techniques, eye expressions, tone of voice, even ways of shaking hands.  I never knew that such extensive knowledge and subtle skills are required of a salesperson.  My deepest impression of the seminar was on how to introduce one’s occupation.  The seminar lecturer said that self-introduction is of utmost importance in sales profession.  Right after stating their names, salespeople will then introduce their titles / job positions to their clients/customers; be it salesman, sales executive, sales rep., or sales assistant accordingly.  Of course, the titles have to befit their actual sales positions. 

The lecturer stressed that one’s self-confidence and clear verbalization will leave a deeper impression on people.  But is this assertion supported by statistics? I don’t know.  But for sure, one cannot go wrong with this kind of clear and dynamic self-introduction. 

Nowadays, I am no longer a salesman but I still retain an attachment to this field of occupation, more explicitly; respect.  In a society, there are people from all walks of life,   but I believe first and foremost, people should always do their best in their jobs, at the same time, be respectful of their jobs.   Maybe, it might take sometime before one can truly appreciate this respect for one’s job, but for others to respect your job, this step must be taken first.  

I’d like to take this opportunity to say this to my compatriots in sales: Next time when you introduce your job to people please do not pronounce “sales” as sale-c (sale-屎) Thank you!

source:  圖文並謬 pp 48-49

Translator: Tamaya

      

Book - Forget Hate

忘恨!

Sometimes, love’s flip side is hate, indeed. 有時, 愛的反面, 真的挺恨的！But not so for me!  說的, 不是我! Frankly, in my philosophy, love can be infinite, but hate is as to forget. 愛可以很盡, 但恨, 等如忘!

There are friends of mine, who only yesterday were inseparable, pledging vows of undying love but in the instance of falling out or in a fit of intolerance, would cast their past off like ashes into the winds!  Even to the extreme of becoming bitter enemies bent on destroying each other.

If cannot be good friends or lovers, does it mean they cannot co-exist peacefully in the same place? Who gains?  Who loses?  It just cannot be clarified or delineated. But, people, oftentimes, like to shove all the blame onto the other party.  Never mind how you are feeling, at least, I feel better.  

Yeah! You feel better. I don’t. Enough!

Not enough! For some people, it is just not enough!  Who owes who? Let’s not get into that just yet.  Both parties or maybe just one of them will content with nothing less than his/her ex’s “death”.  Death, be it the literal annihilation of life or the figurative ruining of life.  In any case, hate you is just that, hate you! 反正恨你, 就是恨!

This kind of mindset is shared by both females and males alike. Moreover, this kind of mindset has nothing to do with being self-centered or not.  I believe it is an inherent trait in human nature; to possess. 佔有!

This desire to possess; it is very insidious!  It can push people towards atrocity, malevolence, cold-bloodedness and even self-debasement.  Or perhaps to infect people you hate with this frame of mind and behavior that you yourself do not wish to possess.

I, truly, do not want to be this way!

Once person to person destiny is over, they should split! Split? To what degree?  The ultimate split should be to forget!  It maybe difficult to forget everything all at once, but heading that direction cannot be wrong. Although to forget may be seen as evasion, but I also believe between ‘forget’ and ‘hate’, ‘forget’ is better than ‘hate’.

我也相信﹐忘和恨, 忘比恨好﹗

source: 圖文並謬 pp 42-43
translator: Tamaya

Book - Heaven and Hell

天堂與地獄

In many countries, it is not uncommon to see people on the streets stretching out their hands for money or to see bona fide beggars eking out a living. In fact, in some third world countries, they are common sights indeed. But in Hong Kong, these kinds of situations are rare. It can be said that Hong Kong is truly a land of good fortunes. Even during times of weak economy or financial crisis or bankruptcy or foreclosure etc., and desperate times indeed these were; yet, one would not hear of Hong Kong residents dying of hunger because they were too poor to feed themselves.

I meant no contempt towards beggars, nor do I disparage them. If times were good, who, in their right mind, would want to squat on the streets and lanes waiting for passersby to drop some loose change? I believe they must have inexpressible tales of misfortunes and inexhaustible tales of tragedy that they would trade their dignity for mere existence through begging.

One day, while passing through Causeway Bay, I spotted a beggar from afar squatting outside a supermarket entrance. As I walked, I rummaged in my pocket for some change to give to him. When I came before him, just as I was bending down to drop a HK$10 into his metal container, the beggar suddenly raised his head. I saw his face, and was shocked by what I saw.

His face was burned. Excepting his eye sockets, his whole face was completely covered with scar tissues; red and black welts permanently froze his facial muscles; not even the smallest expression could be displayed. Yet, his gratitude shone through his eyes.

I sighed inwardly, and took out another HK$20 from my wallet to give to him. He nodded his thanks. Powerless, I turned and walked away. On the way home, the image of that beggar kept replaying itself in my head. I did not know his past, but for sure something happened that he wished he had never experienced. Over here, there’s this person with a ruined face; to survive he has to beg, all for a morsel to fill his stomach. Over there, a person with no disfigurement but spends money like water, all for an elusive quest of perfection.

The same sky above, but each to his own past; should or shouldn’t, willing or unwilling; I have no way of judging, save sigh; heaven and hell is truly but a line apart!

source: 圖文 並謬 pp 24-25

essay scan: heaven and hell

Book - Middle Aged Men? Middle Aged Women?

Middle-Aged Men?  Middle-Aged Women?
中男?中女? 

Recently, there is this faddish coined phrase in town; it’s 'chung lui'. The phrase denotes: middle person, middle-aged person of the female gender. If one has the habit of reading the daily newspapers, then it is inevitable that one will notice that recently these two words cropped up frequently in the news contents. Let’s not mention the entertainment news, even Hong Kong news, front page features, and also even the news supplements, they all have traces of them.  Actually, ‘chung lui’, these two words are not problematic per se, clearly they are just abbreviation for middle-aged women, an appropriate definition. However, I believe all women, including the middle aged or those approaching middle age, that there are not many among them who like to be so explicitly labeled as ‘chung lui’.

Earlier on, a friend invited a group of close friends to dinner to celebrate his/her birthday.  The guests were a mixed batch of males and females; I was there too.  After the celebratory dinner, we all stepped out of the restaurant, and at that very moment, unbeknownst to us, my friends and my pictures were secretly snapped.  A few days later, the tabloid news came out. Its heading ran: “Steven Ma in the company of three  'chung lui' partying (po) into the night,” etc etc..  Not going into the validity of this news article, just that singular matter of my three friends being labeled as ‘chung lui’, and to have their pictures blown up so big already made me feel bad. 

As an artist, having my pictures secretly taken is not surprising.  The more salt you consume, the more you are able to endure the thirst. (i.e desensitize) But I felt sorry to have my friends made the news with me.  Among these three friends, two are already mothers. Though being labeled as “chung lu”, I believe they would not be all that bothered. But what is truly ‘awful’ is that the last one, who is still a young lady, is summarily categorized as ‘chung lui’.   How terribly upset she was!  Later she texted me, saying that her lifetime of happiness is now unduly destroyed by me. 

Fact is, who does not go through mid life? This is a phase of life that all of us will go through one day.  Today there are ‘chung nam’, ‘chung lui; tomorrow they may be termed as ‘mature males’, ‘mature females’; or perhaps not improbable, there may even be the “secure males or secure females”.  But all these are just merely adjectives, that’s all.  Age is never the problem, how to live life is what matters!

Lastly, I would like to use this essay to convey my apologies to that “miu lui” (young lady). If her lifetime of happiness is truly destroyed because of me, then……. let me make amends ba.  Heehee!  

source: 圖文並謬 Pg 22-23

translator: Tamaya 

weibo sep 2010

9/21 17:10

My surname is neither Aisingioro* nor do I dare consider myself a 'shuai ge', but really this is quite amusing! Haha! Wishing everybody a happy mid-autumn festival, be happy!

TN:*the Manchu surname of the Qing emperors

book - 1874

I like to meditate, sometimes got so into it that I became quite peculiar.  I often suspect that I do not belong to this era.  Close friends know that I am very fond of singer Eason Chan’s 1874. I like it not because of the movie, but because of the lyrics.

“Why couldn’t I make it in time to be born in 1874?  Be earlier by exactly 100 years, an era……though unacquainted & unrelated as contemporaries, but at least, could live and die in the same era.” 

If I were born in 1874, then what I experienced would relate to one of China’s most turbulent eras.  The weakness of  late Qing; the invasion of the Great Powers; the signing of the Treaty of 1901;  country invaded, internal strifes; Japanese occupation; the 9.18 Mukden Incident; 7.7 Marco Polo Bridge Incident, The Nanking Massacre, the post 1949 Chinese cultural revolution, so on and so forth.  All these and more, during China’s most turbulent era in the past century, inflicted the people with ineffaceable pain, and hatred, too.   

The elders told me it is a blessing not to be born into that era!

True, what I know about that era is either from books or documentary films. I did not experience its turbulence nor endure it.  But perhaps of my wont to transport myself through contemplation: the despair, the pain, that moment of hopelessness, that indelible hatred; I felt as if I had been through them!

If I were living in that era, I would step out; step out alongside the national army to protect homes and country, and to defend: our motherland and her honor, the citizens’ properties and wealth, the citizens’ lives, and most of all, the citizens’ dignity.  Even though during that era staying alive was no easy task, but to lose my country - I would rather risk my life and shed blood, at least, it was done in the name of nationalism!  

Truly, living in this present society, I sometimes feel distress.  Distress, really it should be bliss!  I live in Hong Kong, a prosperous and vigorous city with hardly any natural calamites, and well-protected by motherland, to boot; in my opinion, it is a patch of Heaven’s playground.  To be able to live here is indeed a blessing!

But, oftentimes when immersed in happiness, one tends to become overly pampered,  therefore, one tends to become more demanding of this and that from life; one tends to be more demanding of this and that from Hong Kong; one tends to become more demanding of this and that from the country.  So, what of one’s own demands of oneself?

Mankind’s greatest shortcoming has to be if they make no demands of themselves.  People who have no demands of themselves tend to become irresponsible, habitually shifting responsibilities onto others, while conversely becoming overly demanding of others.

If I were like that, I would soon become a zombie, a person of no tomorrows!

Although this may not be the only approach, it is one of them, which is, to bow one’s head in introspection. Introspection is the best approach because the answers are usually found during the self-reflecting process.   Whatever I could do today, I’d first ask myself before I ask others; before I take, I’d ask my contribution first; before I ask tomorrow, I’d ask yesterday first!

Maybe my love for 1874 is because I want to ask 1874!

source:圖文並謬 pp16-17

translator: Tamaya

 

圖文並謬 - Captions show Steven to be a person of inner conflicts and contradictory traits

Loneliness, who isn't afraid of it
Sometimes, look to merriment to expel this fear
Sometimes, only wanting a flicker of light; just that.

Pg140

The nights tend to evoke musing.
The glitzy colorful lights, the feasting and debauchery;
A solitary person, doing what?
Drinking, dancing, or singing with company, or chatting incessantly
After that, still a solitary person; a person alone, yet again.

People, inside their hearts generally have a docking place. 
Nonstop searching, round and round, looking back
To discover they were actually already at the dock.

Behind the doors locked away are stories upon stories
Behind each story is another door
Closed, locked; who can open, who can unearth
A door, a window
A perceptive gaze, drifting in the air; who understands, who knows pg152

Truth, is usually difficult for people to cope
Mask discarded, baring all before each other,
perhaps that's the height of courage
But upon recollection, will realize it is really no big deal.
Pg 142

Helplessness, at anytime and anyplace will drop by, unannounced
Sometimes, catching one totally off guard
Sometimes, a date was made but no show.
Pg 145

Sometimes, I’m really torn
Fear loneliness, yet fear merriment, too
How to find a balance? Does equilibrium even exists?
I really don’t know how.
Pg 150

I’m very competitive yet I’ll concede defeat
Win or lose, too many variables at play that are outside a person's control
Anyway, it serves as my motivation
Winning is victory, losing is defeat, I did my best, what’s there to fear
Self-confidence may not necessarily ensure a win, but without it, you will sure to lose. pg 147

Some people said every situation, like a silver coin, generally has two sides to it.
I’ve always disagreed.
Head or tail, sideways, rotates 360 degrees or spins 720
So what?
Different angles of incidence, moreover, position of the two sides also differs
So where come two sides?

source: book - 图文並谬
pix source: Steven Ma yahoo blog

Initially Steven’s questioning the two sides of a coin puzzled me (above). Of course, there are always two (flip) sides to a situation - that's a given, right? But now I get his viewpoint on this matter.

My interpretation: Different perceptions or viewpoints on a situation often originated from different departure points, so the paths of getting to final pov are not limited to just 2 sides of pov but myriad povs depending on the path taken.  To elaborate, our differing viewpoints maybe as polarized and mutually exclusive as the flip (2) sides of a coin, but with the same token, our differences may have deviated by just degrees unlike the 2 dimension sides of coin. Recall the 3 blind men and an elephant. But of course, some situations may just have two opposing sides to it, but not invariably.  In the picture, views and positions change according to the angle of incidence according to influencing variables on the way to destination/pov.

*****************************************************
I first got an inkling of Steven's contradictory traits in this 1999 news report
"Steven in real life has set high standards for himself. Whatever he does, it has to be done well. He says he has a dual personality. During the day under the bright sunlight, he is lively and outgoing. But come nightfall, under the darkened sky, he likes to be alone with his thoughts, quietly meditating on stuff."

My 2010 commentary: Steven man of contrasts
Steven is a person of contrasts/contradictory traits  – he has a boyish look but possesses a deep, booming masculine voice. His looks changes constantly: in some pictures he looks youthful and boyish; in others, he looks haggard and older. His eyes sometimes single lidded, other times double lidded. His eye bags come and go. On screen he always presents a sunny and cheerful personality; in writings, he shows a more somber personality. On tv he is always surrounded by people or entertaining others; but in his writing he seems so solitary and very private, striving to look for equilibrium in his life. To me, Steven is most true to himself when he is writing. In his recent book, he left a piece of himself in it, generously inviting his readers to get to know him better.

Foreword - Rejuvenation Society

Note: 2^nd foreword in图文并谬

Chung Hui Ling
In 2003, Steven Ma (Xiao Ma Ge)’s publishing company published Steven Ma’s True Tales of Society book series. The 2nd book in the series is “I Am a Relative of a Sick Patient.” An employee of his company, Ms. Liew Sin Yee, visited "再生會"* (Regeneration Society) hoping to get some firsthand materials on the patients and their families for their book.

I am a Lupus erythematosus patient who understands firsthand that to combat their illnesses, patients must possess both a strong and tenacious will to live and the support of their families. It was through Ms. Liew that I met Xiao Ma Ge.

He is a very amiable person, and very solicitous to the patients. I invited him once to my house for a meal. We talked for a few hours, only then did I know his mother was a chronic patient, too; no wonder he was so knowledgeable on the caretaking of a chronic patient.

Xiao Ma Ge is young but his thinking is very mature, very precocious; his demeanor is solid and steady, and well-grounded. I admire him very much; admire that besides working in entertainment, he also publishes books of cultural genre with his own money and effort. And that he serves up bowl after bowl of soul soups to each and everyone who needs concern and encouragement.

Xiao Ma Ge has invited me to write a foreword for his book; subsequently sending in a copy of his manuscript for my preview. In “Familial Love Remembered”, I sensed his filial piety, and of his remembrance of his late mother.

“Though the person is gone, but the feelings linger,” makes me all the more appreciative of my time with my family.

But reading another essay “I am a Salesman” gives off a different feel. Xiao Ma Ge has accomplished much in the entertainment circle, but prior to entering the circle, he had worked in myriad jobs. He feels that regardless of the line of work, first and foremost, one must respect one’s job, and be committed to making something out of it; only then can one engender respect from other people.

His personal experiences rendered him the importance of self-respect and hard work. Xiao Ma Ge’s life wisdom today is arduously gained and sharpened from all the hard knocks experiences learned from the University of Society.

I feel that he is a good role model to the youths.

This book of prose essays is highly readable. Through his essays, I feel that Xiao Ma Ge has his own very distinct way of interpreting events and things. He is already very industrious in his entertainment work, but still he finds time to write during his spare time; he is truly a man of high aspirations and determination.

Here’s hoping he will continue moving forward on the cultural road, using his exquisite writings to depict more genuine feelings and concerns.


**Footnote: "再生會"* (Regeneration Society) A non-profit society established in 1991 May. Its charter is to help chronic and cancer patients confront their illness, overcome adversities and to reclaim their health.


Translator: Tamaya
Source: Steven Ma's 图文并谬
2nd foreword

Foreword - Chen Jia Ying

Foreword by Chen Jia Ying (陳家瑛) (a paraphrase)
It is strange how I got to know Steven. We both work in showbiz, but for 10 or more years we never met each other before. My impression of him at the time was vague: knew only that he was a singer, heard his songs and that he sang quite well. That’s about it, as far as my knowledge of him then, until on one evening in 2004 when my friends and I talked about him, one of them was a good friend of mine for a decade or more, Tsui Yong Yong.  I was curious as to why she would quit her journalist job for a publishing one.

Ah Tsui said, " I love publishing. Ma Chun Wai gave me an opportunity to learn, so I changed my career path.”

Ah Tsui’s obvious respect for Ma Zai impressed me.

Last year, an overseas mutual friend introduced me to Ma Zai. I finally got to really know him. This fellow was even more 清秀 (qing xiu – delicate & refined) than his TV image. Rather on the polite side, he had on this bashful look on his face. Definitely an image of a "good" young man, indeed. (Haha!) That was my first impression of him.

Later, a group of friends invited me for an initiation into a club... what club? Can’t guess, eh?

Apparently, Ma Chun Wai, Tsui Rong Rong and other friends have gathered to form a poetry club. They invited me to join them in matching poem couplets. Poem couplets match? I had never done that before in my whole life. There I was, caught; here coupling this dui lian, there matching that phrase. At first, I was scared to death. Who were these people? But as time passed, I began to enjoy this kind of interaction, furthermore, I got to know the real Ma Chun Wai.

I discovered Ma Zai’s lovable side, but at the same time, his obnoxious side, too. Let’s start with his obnoxiousness first. Don’t be deceived by his refined exterior appearance. He actually possesses quite an impatient disposition. If anxious, his impatient personality will surface. Though very self-deprecating, he, however, has an extremely strong sense of self, and can be quite impetuous – all in all, a very traditional Chaozhou chauvinistic man. And his most annoying trait is that he is very perceptive, in that he can penetrate other people’s innermost thoughts. The people whose innermost thoughts so penetrated by him will feel a sense of self-failure. (tn: because they failed to protect their thoughts from him)

But he also has a lovable side to him. He is filial; he is responsible to family; he possesses good work ethics; he is willing to help people (but sometimes can be overly helpful); he is loyal to friends and loved ones; and he understands gratitude.

I also discovered that this fellow’s Chinese Language standard is very high. If I made an error, he actually dared to bluntly expose my mistakes. All these years very few people dared to be this direct to me; I actually appreciate his directness.

Ma Zai is very discerning of things around him. His sense of perceptiveness is very strong. He is a very intelligent person. A strong perceptive insight will only benefit an artist in his entertainment work.

He also has a very fertile imagination, as illustrated in his prose essay, “Landgull”. It’s really funny that a person could actually waste a whole hour just staring at a seagull. “Hi, fellow (Xiao Zi), weren't you tired?” I guess normal people will not do that, only a mental person would fantasize over a seagull for so long. He has the talent to write fantasy fictions.

I hope that readers reading his book will also share my feelings about him.

Translator note: Think Chan Ka Ying is the manager of Faye Wang and Eason Chan

source: Steven’s 图文并谬 3rd foreword
translator: Tamaya

Memoir 2002

Ever since I came across this autobiographical column by Steven for Guangzhou Daily in 2002, I had so wanted to translate it because of his honest sharing of his experience, feelings and thoughts on his early start in the entertainment circle. But its formidable length intimidated me, so I had put it off until now. I’ve decided to tackle this 20-part column piece meal. My translation starts with the latter part 3, as part 1 – 2 are merely introduction and formal acknowledgment. I’m not sure how many parts were initially in the actual column, but so far I can only find 20 of them online. Column reposted on: steven baidu
  
3. ~~Childhood~~ October 26, 1971 – In Hong Kong Bak Tin Estate (tn:Sham Shui Po, Kowloon) the Ma household was celebrating a joyous occasion. Mrs. Ma, who already had three daughters, was in labor. The baby was safely delivered. He turned out to be an almost 4 kg (8.8 lbs) baby boy. The BB brought on the greatest joy to the whole Ma household, now it finally had son and daughters. That kind of joy and contentment is hard to describe in written words. This little BB whose birth brought such joy to the whole family was me, Ma Chun Wai. Ma Chun Wai is not my real name. The name my parents gave to me was Ma Chi Wai; has志气 (tn: resolve; drive; ambition; backbone; spirit; aspiration) and has great ambition and drive (雄图伟略). They hoped when I grew up I would become an upright person with his own ideals and aspirations. Parents’ thinking was so incredibly grandiose -------- and this only just recently hit on me as I prepared this special column, through the introduction of my name I suddenly felt my parents’ expectation of me; truly a new discovery! Even more so, I was moved by my parents’ righteousness and optimism that laid out the foundation for my latter maturation years with their good seed of ideals. After my birth, mother gave birth to my younger sister. Thus, I grew up in the company of 4 females. The household with 5 children was only very bustling, but predominated as it was by girls, and girls being natural group bonders, I, as the only boy, more often than not, felt the lack of playmates immensely. Given this gender imbalance, I was on my own to seek out my own entertainment. Luckily, I discovered something quite early in life: I like to sing. From a young age, I joined and participated in all kinds of singing and reciting extra-curriculum activities, as long as there was music, I would be like a happy birdie singing non stop, worries vanished instantly. And so music became my childhood favorite pastime.

4. ~~Crowned Champion~~
Fortunately, it was through my 40 odd early failures that I got to really know my own personality. I’m not an obstinate person by nature, but of perseverance, I do have some. If my mind is made up on something, I will carry it through, regardless. The repeated failures did not deter or crush me. They were only a temporary setback; opportunities still abound. I was not at all disheartened or heart stricken by my failures. “I don’t believe I can’t even be a champion for at least one time.” It was this self-belief that sustained me time and again to join the singing competitions. I admit, in my quest to achieve my objective, I was extremely single-minded and persistent.

Actually, there were lots of young people like me in Hong Kong who simply refused to accept failures at face value. As my singing contest participations increased, I noticed a group of people who also did not know the meaning of defeat. Although we were contenders in different contests, there was no enmity among us; in fact, we constantly encouraged each other. The outcome of these numerous competitions, besides tasting success, was that I made some good friends. As to that championship, its accomplishment happened through self-critiques and subsequent improvements from these trials. My repeated failures and tenacious forging ahead had me thinking that blind emulation of a singer’s style and skills just wouldn’t cut it. I decided to learn singing from a teacher. My initiation teacher was Ms. Liang Yue Ling. From her, I learned the basic vocal techniques. She was the one who taught me how to integrate fake and true voices as one. She was also the one who recommended Jacky Cheung’s 李香蘭 as my entry song, thus garnering points on the degree of difficulty. Naturally, I was most thankful to Teacher Liang for my win on this competition.

~~Part 5 ~~
Winning the championship proved to be the pivotal point in my career. Furthermore, this championship also brought two people into my life. One was a judge in the competition, Teacher Dai SiCong; the other was my manager, Frankie Fan ChiRong. Teacher Dai had discovered many a singer for the entertainment circle. Perhaps, he saw in me some music potential, for in that competition he awarded me top marks, which was the main reason for my victory. Since he and Frankie knew each other, and were also business acquaintances in the music world; consequently, when I became the champion, they were of a mind to introduce me to a recording company.

Prior to this fortuitous event, I held a good job with prospects. At that time, I was employed as a sales account executive by one of Hong Kong’s well-known companies, “TinsChemical Corporation Ltd.. During my two-year employment, I secured over HK$20 mil of business for the company, annually. The owner of TinsChemical treated me well. If I had so desired a career in commerce, I believed I would have done well in it. But, singing was my life passion. At that time, I was truly more drawn to being a singer than a businessman. Future prospects vs passion – how I bounced back and forth between them; and obsessing constantly over it: “Sei-lo! (oh dear!) If I enter showbiz, what kind of a future would I have?” This question troubled me enormously. Finally, I decided to cast my lot with the entertainment circle. What finally tipped my decision scale was the owner’s statement to me.

6. ~~Sales Solicitation~~
“If you can’t make it in the entertainment circle, I’ll have a manager job waiting for you here!”
The owner imparted this remark to me during my contemplation over my future prospects as an encouragement to me. This was neither a lie nor a jibe; I knew that Mr. Tin was genuinely supporting me and would respect my final decision, regardless. For that, I was truly moved; moved by how well I was treated by Mr. Tin when I first joined his company; moved by my parents’ 100% support of me; most of all, I was moved by the recognition given to my work performance and efforts.

Since young, my parents had shown 100% confidence in me. I made all decisions on my own without first having to consult my family; once my mind was made up, I would follow through; I believe I could handle anything on my own. “Whatever you do, do it well and do it to the best of your ability,” that’s my motto.

I recall my days in TinsChemical; every day, I carried product samples to solicit sales from the plants and factories under my sales territory. This was a mental and manual labor job; nevertheless, I was happy working there.

I remember once: a customer called up on a product; so lugging two heavy samples of leather products, I hurried over to his company, traveling through bus transfers and on foot. However, when I got there, I was swiftly dismissed with no explanation except these words, “Don’t want”. My exertion was all for nothing. I didn’t consider this as a setback; on the contrary, I believed with persistence, I would get the sales. A few days later, I called upon the company again; finally, its doors flung opened, and I secured a purchase order in the tens of thousands. Thereafter, when dealing with customers, be they peddlers or big hotels; I gave my all to each and every of my sales order. During these two years, I encountered all kinds of capricious treatments from people, but, I also became increasingly confident in my work. At its peak, my business volume reached 20mil. Who wouldn't appreciate this kind of ‘manager’? Efforts beget results. TinsChemical’s owner’s remark confirmed my efforts were not wasted.

7. ~~Contract Signing~~

I left the business industry, where I had toiled for two years and had made something of myself, for the music industry. September 27th 1993 was a very significant and unforgettable date for me. That day, I signed the contract, thus, officially becoming part of Warner Music (HK). As a newcomer in the music industry, frankly, I was totally clueless as to how I should go about on my new career path. But I knew given such an opportunity, I must take full advantage of it, and to value it.

Finally, I got my foot officially into the entertainment door. I was already ecstatic, as it was; but shortly after signing the contract, the company began the preparation on my album recording. When I heard this, I became very nervous. I braced myself for my first project in the music entertainment. I recall distinctly the day the recording supervisor handed me the lyrics to a song entitled: 幸运就是遇到你 – Luck means meeting you. The melody was not only beautiful but familiar too, it’s a 周华健 Emil Chau’s song, 花心 Flower Heart. I had listened to “Flower Heart” and even sang it. It was one of my favorite songs. But I never dreamed that one day I would sing the Cantonese version. 

My first time stepping into a recording studio; first time recording my very own song; my feelings were very chaotic. On one hand, I was extremely excited and ecstatic; on the other hand, very intimidated. Because this was my first song, and an Emil Chau’s masterpiece, at that; I vowed whatever it takes, I had to do a good job of it!

Following immediately after the recording session was the photo shoots for the album packaging and for promotional purposes. To me, everything was so new and so exciting. And I was introduced daily to many things that I had never experienced before. As to the promotional events, they were definitely a challenge to me.

At this juncture, I not only had to interact with new colleagues, and the employees from the audio and video recording studios, respectively; but also radio DJs, news reporters, and various faceless strangers. I felt fortunate that prior to this, I was in sales; because during that period, I too had to frequently interact with strangers and to establish relation with them. That training was now put to good use.

My first album was successfully released at the end of 1993, and it actually sold about 10,000 copies. For a newcomer, the sales result was certainly very respectable. My first album instilled in me confidence and optimism for my future in the entertainment circle. Conversely, the company promo slogan dealt me my first serious blow since entering the entertainment circle.

8. ~~Breaking into the Music Entertainment Scene~~
My debut album was planned for a September release. Management hoped its timing would help it break out in the music awards ceremony; so, much thoughts and efforts were put into its promotions. (Translator’s note: The said album secured Steven’s a bronze award for best male newcomer; but at a cost) At that time, Management came up with this slogan: He’s not Hok-Yau (Jacky Cheung); he’s not Lai-Ming (Leon Lai); he’s not Hak Kan (Hacken Lee); he’s Ma Chun Wai (Steven). When I heard it, my face instantly turned deathly pale. My thoughts reeled: Ma Chun Wai is but a newbie, a complete nonentity to the public. If and when they heard this slogan, they would immediately perceive him as a braggart; if I were a neutral observer, I would think so, too. I might be a greenhorn in the music industry, but I had worked in the society for many years; based on my own human relation experience, I could predict these words would surely incite a huge backlash.


Actually, I wasn’t the only one concerned; my manager also felt that the slogan could jeopardize an artist’s image. If the public believed that this newcomer, one Ma Chu Wai would actually dare to compare himself to the heavenly kings, then that perception would definitely provoke a negative reaction. As such, Frankie and I, on separate occasion, sought out Management to voice our concerns, but to no avail. Its reasoning was that, since the promotion on my album would only begin on December 3rd, and the cut off date for the awards nomination list was the very next day; in order to get a placement on the list, it had to create the biggest waves possible within the time constraint. Moreover, newcomers were aplenty that year. The competition was truly fierce. Besides the slogan, Management could not think of a better gimmick to successfully achieve its goal.

During this period, I was constantly on edge. I knew this move would harm more than help me; but upon pondering, this wasn’t my fault. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t in anyway a fault. Since the ruling had been so decided, I could only comfort myself to let it be, and to concentrate instead on recording the rest of the album conscientiously. Therefore, because of this promotional strategy, but more so because of the slogan, my career path in the upcoming years was truly three times more grueling to travel than any new artistes’.

9. ~~Jeers~~
As newcomers in the music entertainment, they constantly had to face the unfamiliar and the unknown, as well as, the extreme competitions; it’s a given their roads would be arduous. And so, just as I had predicted, that controversial promotional slogan provoked loud disbelief: “How dare this fellow compare himself to the elite of such heavenly kings as Cheung Hok Yau, Lai Ming, & Lee Hak Kan?” At that time, I was torn in two; on one hand, I was delighted by my album’s sales; on the other hand, I had to repeatedly face the hostility of some spectators. Ever since the album hit the market, I heard constant booing during my performances. I comprehended that nobody could please the whole world; and that an artist while supported by fans, would at the same time, be rejected by detractors. Actually, since debuting, despite experiencing occasionally hecklings and hostile looks, I clearly discerned that the clamor of boos came mainly from a small section; and that on the floor, generous applause was still aplenty. This genuine support became the propelling force behind my efforts to constantly strive harder.

And so, my journey down this grueling road lasted for more than 3 months. I thought with the passing of time, my hard work and efforts would dissipate the public’s misconception of me, but just when things seemed to be looking up, a gigantic wave once again rushed towards me. Moreover, this big wave, unprecedented in its ferocity, was impossible to withstand...

In 1993 Christmas night, 尖东某广场 (?) held an outdoor celebratory concert. The sponsoring committee invited many music entertainers to perform. Besides me, there were Linda Wong(王馨平), Kevin Cheng and the relatively more senior, Winnie Lau (劉小慧). To be able to celebrate a universal festival with the fans was undoubtedly a joyous occasion. That night I was truly excited. I arrived extra early at the venue to prepare for my performance. Passing through the stage floor, I saw some early arriving fans. They kept waving at me; every one of those familiar faces was like a heartening syringe injecting me with encouragement. My performance would soon start; I got ready. Standing erect on the backstage, I waited for the MC to announce my name.

10.
Christmas- should be a universal joyous season, but, that Christmas day nine years ago was to me, an absolute nightmare. On December 25th 1993, there was this big outdoor concert held on the east side of Tsim Sha Tsui. The MC made this announcement: “The next singer performing for us is …….Ma Chun Wai!” But my name elicited not a round of applause but an uproar of boos. Boo! Boo! Boo! The jeers were like pins jabbing into my ears. Actually, swept into the swell of boos were some cheers of “Steven!” “Steven!” However, this heartwarming sound of cheering, drown as it was by the deluge of “Down with Steven” heckling, came across desultory and feeble. At that time, I thought: “Who else, besides myself, would have heard it?” I stood like a block of wood backstage, forgoing even a grimace. I was torn: “Should I go out to perform?” or “Should I dig a hole to make a fast escape?” Taking several deep breaths, I could only step out with my back straight, right onto the front stage. Apparently, that promotional slogan did indeed antagonize not sure which singers’ supporters. For no matter how much heart I put into my singing, they still responded hostilely with boos.

As a professional singer facing this kind of shocking, personal attack, I could only bear it. Fortunately, in the audience was also a small section who felt my effort. Under such an adverse situation, their smattering of clapping provided me with the only consolation and support, enabling me to finish my performance. When I returned backstage, I put down the mike, took off my costume, and as for that frozen look of forced smile pasted on my face, that too, slipped off. And, I promptly broke down. I did not return home after leaving the venue. Instead I headed straight to a nearby bar to drink. A glass of cold beer clutched in my hand, tears streamed uncontrollably down my face. I jabbered incessantly, “Why? Why?”

11.
I’m the kind of person who likes to introspect. Ever since young, be it encountering defeat or rejoicing a happy event, I would quietly contemplate the causes behind each occurrence. As I attacked the reasons for the heckling, my hurt could not have been more painful. That night as I drank to drown my pain, I kept on questioning, and I kept on brooding over and over again. Finally, I came to a conclusion. I felt that ultimately people do have to grow up. After this ignominious incident, I believed I would come back stronger than before. Actually, all along, I did understand Management’s point of view. It had to cultivate a newcomer in an intensely competitive environment. So naturally, it had to rack its brain to concoct a publicity stunt that could, in the shortest time, effect a break through in this rat-race. Conversely, I could also understand the public’s point of view: He’s only the new kid on the block, and yet dares to compare himself to the superstars? What arrogance! That kind of big talk was a big turn-off. Seeing each side’s point of view further depressed me to the very pits of despair. A person caught in a distressing situation, yet unable to even find a target for his grievances! All the more painful without a venting outlet or a de-stressing retreat!

For the whole year after my album release, I practically lived in trepidation and lonesomeness. Anxiety; it permeated my every live performance. That Christmas heckling incident haunted me, as I carried its memory into every live performance, always worrying if it was going to repeat itself.

Actually, I should have gotten use to it; because ever since my debut, loud and soft boos had never completely left my ears. And it seemed my panic attacks were getting worse. While standing backstage waiting for the MC to introduce me, I would prep myself, visualizing in advance of rotten eggs flying through the air towards my face. Time passed; the public’s aversion towards me seemed to have lessened considerably, plus my first album’s sales volume was good, so at this time, the company decided to cut a second album for me. It would be a remix album of new and selective old songs. Immersed in work, I slowly gained back my equilibrium. I thought the incident was behind me, but it was not to be, for at this time, I would soon be blind sided by an unexpected even more painful incident.

12.
For a singer, standing on stage singing before an audience should bring immeasurable satisfaction; however, I, of the yesteryear, was stricken with stage fright then. At hearing the MC announced my name, I often times was griped with fright. I was in my 2nd year as a singer when I was invited to perform in a charitable fundraising drive for some catastrophe. As to what catastrophe? I really can’t recall now. Perhaps, when a person finds an experience too painful to absorb, a memory blank will inevitably occur!

The concert was held in Wanzai Elizabeth Sports Authority. As usual, I arrived punctually to the venue, and was all set to be introduced by the emcee. That night, there were two emcees, a man and a woman; the man was Uncle Jim. (Wong Jim) Going by the program, I was next to perform; but Ms. MC did not announce my name when the time came. She said this instead: “Tonight, we have invited Lai Ming _____.” When I heard those words, I was horrified. Know that eight years ago was the heyday of the four heavenly kings. Upon hearing that, the crowd below went wild, screaming frenziedly. What if standing on the stage was not Lai Ming but Ma Chun Wai, what would they do?

No need to second guess. Over the din, Ms. MC continued with her announcement: “Someone who resembles Lai Ming___ ”. I knew Ms. MC did clearly announce my name but, I don’t know whether because I was stricken deaf with terror at that instant, or that the deafening booing overpowered the PA; anyway, “Ma Chun Wai”, these three words, I never heard them being announced at all. This Ms. MC was also in showbiz. Although we were not well-acquainted at that time, I believe she did not intentionally mean any harm to me. She just wanted to enliven the atmosphere. But, those boos truly shattered my heart and dignity to smithereens. The “Where can I dig a hole backstage?” question once again desperately sought out its answer. Fortunately for me, Uncle Jim was there; his words gave me the courage and confidence to step out onto the stage.

13.
When an almost healed wound was suddenly ripped open, the pain and the despondency felt couldn't be imagined. Although, I knew Ms. MC’s use of “.. resembles Lai Ming…” to present me was not ill-intentioned, nevertheless, when I heard it I was transfixed with terror. My mind went blank. Backstage, I heard the riotous heckling and the male emcee, Uncle Jim saying: “What’s the matter? This singer sings very well. He sings with his heart. Listen to him…….” Uncle Jim’s terse remarks swiftly quieted down the crowd. It was precisely because of this esteemed veteran’s encouraging remarks that I was able to re-assemble whatever shredded confidence still left in me to actually find the courage to walk out onto the stage. Perhaps, unknowingly during the past year I had gotten use to performing amidst boos, for that night, I was able to present an outwardly calm and collected demeanor; as I cast aside my trepidation for the moment. I got my wits together, enough to pep talk myself: To be a professional singer, one must be able to perform professionally under any circumstances.

With that in mind, I grasped the mike, closed my eyes, and sang with all my might and all the emotion I could muster. For the next three minutes, my only thought was to sing this song well, nothing else matter. Not until the last note faded away, and I heard the resounding applause did I ascertain my effort did not go to waste. From booing to warm applause, the time interval was exceedingly short, and its turnabout, incredibly abrupt. Caught up in the swing of mood, emotion welled up inside me. Standing on the stage, vaguely discerning an undulating sea of friendly faces, I was so touched I almost cried. I thought: although the crowd’s booing was tough to bear, but to finally receive their acceptance and approval; did it not make this all the more meaningful? I held back my tears, thanked the audience and went backstage. The smile that was moments ago hanging on my face fell off instantly. No need to look at a mirror, I could feel the numbing of my senses on a face void of emotion. The backstage was crowded with people, but I did not utter a word. I withdrew straight into my shell from the past; a very familiar, very private world…

14.
I was withdrawn in my own world; at work, I didn’t even have a friend I could talk to. During that period, my total focus was on my family and work. Around this time, Management arranged for my second album. Ordinarily, I should be jumping with joy at the prospect of an upcoming new project. However, when I heard the new album would be composed mostly of fast songs, I felt as if being struck by a lightning bolt by this unexpected and startling challenge. (At that time, I was of the opinion that I sang slow songs better than fast) What distressed me even more was the news that Management had undertaken a job for me to perform in an extravagant gala to be held in Hong Kong Government Stadium. In a few months’ time, together with a group of newcomers like myself, I would have to perform a song and dance routine on stage!

I was and still am not a very athletic person. Even back then as a student, I was not very good at sports. The most I would do was ride a bike. As I matured, all I did were throw some darts, play some bowling; as it was, volleyball and tennis games were to me already the most extreme sports of interest. Moreover, for a person like me who had never stepped foot inside a disco as yet, dancing was a total mystery. But the job had already been accepted on my behalf. Per my personality, unless the job was declined; otherwise, I would do my best to successfully complete the job. Hence, I promptly shopped for a pair of dancing shoes. Filled with trepidation, I practiced dancing twice a week for three months running. My dance instructor was the renowned Mr. Lam Chin Fung. 林青峰 He knew I had no self-confidence, so he was very generous with his encouragement and praises. I recorded all my practices for later appraisal and making improvements. When family members watched these recordings, they would unanimously declare that I did well. But I knew their approval was merely said as an encouragement to rally me; for truth be told, my dancing was horrendous. Because of lack of self-confidence, just a simple hand movement was difficult for me to master. After several months of continuous practices, my most dreaded day finally arrived.

15.
Despite the three months of intensive training, I still lacked self-confidence in performing on stage. Time elapsed, as days passed by one by one; finally the dreaded day arrived. This event was hosted by TVB to assemble all newcomers in one event. Besides my newcomer peers such as: Kevin Cheng, (郑嘉颖) Linda Wong (王馨平), Liz Kong (江希文) Nicky Wu (吴奇隆), there were also numerous contemporary popular singers participating in the gala. Undoubtedly, this event was major. Dusk fell, the time of the performance drew closer. Hong Kong Stadium was already jam packed with humanity. Observing the imposing scene outside, and visualizing myself dancing in front of the masses before too long, my heart promptly trembled in fright.

Although, I knew my routine inside out, but to relax myself, I practiced my dance moves repeatedly backstage. The backup dancers also joined me in the repetitive run through. However, I still could not shake off my anxiety. My group of newcomers’ program was a medley relay; one singer performing right after another in a sequence of routines. I was scheduled to perform in the middle of the series. As such, my performance timing had to be spot on as there would be no lag time for an emcee announcement, or prep time for leisurely entering the stage; my performance must synchronize not only with the ongoing music rhythm but also with the dancers’ moves. To me, this requirement was of an utmost difficulty; in truth, impossible for me to accomplish. Backstage, I incessantly advised myself to be on the alert for that barrage of drum beats; for that would be my cue to quickly make my entrance on stage, take up my position and perform my first move. I did hear the drum beats; but somehow, as soon as I stepped onto the stage, and even before my feet were firmly planted on stage, the other people had already gone on to the next move.

Although, I knew very well I could not keep up with them, I still tried; but unfortunately, my heart might be there, but not so my effort. As to my glaring misstep, I could not justify it. Could I insist that the whole world got the dancing wrong, that only I did it right? I felt my face freezing up, probably turning blue black right there and then; my smile had already vanished. Hopefully, the audience was so distracted by the myriad of flashing neon lights that my gaffe had gone unnoticed. My only one thought then was to quickly finish this extremely difficult project.

16.
My toughest performance since entering the industry finally came to an end. My colleagues all praised me for my singing, but of my dancing, not one word was uttered. I knew they were just being nice, wanting to console me. After this “conscription’, I was even more against dancing.

I imposed upon myself an unwritten rule: avoid the fast tempo songs, at all costs. If these songs couldn’t be avoided, then at least avoid doing live song and dance routines. I knew very well as a professional singer, this kind of self imposed limitation was totally unwise; but I truly had no confidence in my dancing. It’s just how it was. Fortunately for me, Management was indulgent; henceforth, most of the songs chosen for me were of moderate tempo and melody, usually intonated with melancholy and angst. Singing this kind of songs was my forte, or so I thought at that time. By and by, my singing found a niche with quite a large number of appreciative listeners. This should be cause for celebration; instead, it unwittingly brought me an unexpected problem.

At that time, I had this adapted song, “不再悲观”, a Zhang Yu’s张宇composition. My rendition sparked off two main voices from outside opinions. They consented that I sang the song well; but, at the same time, they criticized my tone and emotive intonation for being too mature for my age. What they meant was that a young singer like myself should radiate youthfulness and verve innate in young people. If I go the soulful, mature singing genre; the full expression of the music would be affected. Moreover, the recording supervisor, Lei Song De, had previously indicated that my ‘weep’ tone was too excessive. This singing style was simply too incongruous with my youthful singer image. As such, Management and I had had many discussions over this dilemma. They believed that young people should be happy and carefree, and asked me why I did not smile more often when I performed. Actually, I wanted to be a happy singer, too; but that my background had pushed me to grow up faster than my peers. While still at high school, I was already holding a job to help out my family, plus my mother’s sickness, and that I did not have had many close friends, on top of that were my recent setbacks in my singing career; all these shaped into a reserved person. A somber person like me standing on stage with fingers raised in victory, acting cute and naïve; I would not be able to stand it; neither, I believe, would the audience.

17.
My disagreement with Management over my singing genre made me feel uneasy, especially with the contract expiration date looming, of which Management had yet to review with me. As such, I was in the dark as to what my future held. Before long, the answer arrived. My agent told me that Management would not renew my contract. Three years of hard work as a singer, and this was the result, my distress was beyond description. Saddened, I still had to decide my future. The company that had nurtured me all this time would no longer be there for me, but there were other recording companies in Hong Kong, right? Would they give me the opportunity? If truly no recording company wants me, then what should I do? When the contract finally ran out, these questions replayed themselves in my head constantly. I knew for sure I like to sing. But personality wise, I seemed unsuited to making it in the entertainment circle. The thought of leaving the industry took roots. It was alright not to be a singer but in the past three years, I had made quite a name for myself. When I walked on the streets, people recognized me. What if I looked to other places for work opportunities? That’s out of question, because my home and family were all in Hong Kong. For me to strike out on my own to a faraway place; I simply could not bear to do it.

This kind of chaotic feelings and thoughts continued for three whole months. Although no longer with the company, I still had my agent and assistant with me. Thanks to my agent, I did have had a considerable amount of performance opportunities. However, when I remembered that I was now a non contracted singer who had no idea when and if ever he would release another album in the future, I lost confidence in myself. I recalled that time before I entered the entertainment industry; Tin Chemical’s owner had said he would welcome me back anytime. At that time, I was touched by his thoughtfulness and high-regard for me. Moreover, I was and am a very adaptable person. Even though it would be a career change; be it back to TinChemical, or set up a publishing company, or sell ice cream, or seek out other career path, I had confidence I would make it work. After a continuous and deliberated struggle, I came to a decision: I will leave the entertainment industry to pursue my fortune elsewhere.

18.
Following the termination of my recording contract, I grappled for three months over my future; finally, I made up my mind to quit the entertainment industry where I had strived for three years. Once the decision was made, I felt an instant lifting of spirit, although pursuing a singing career had always been my desire. But then, suddenly, two back-to-back opportunities came knocking on my door, ultimately altering the course of my career path.

First, fate predestined my encounter with TVB executive, Catherine Tsang 曾勵珍, who remains, to this day, my benefactor. She appeared at the time when I had decided to give up on an entertainment career, for good. She invited me to guest star as a doctor in a TV series, “Files of Justice”. Hitherto, my acting experience was limited to guest starring two episodes of TBV’s “开心华之里” sitcom. Performing in a TV series would be a total new experience for me. What’s more, I might even get to sing a sub-theme song in the series. (which he did)

Next, my agent informed me that 正東唱片公司 (Go East Recording Co.) would collaborate with me to release an album. There I was for most parts, drifting aimlessly through days that blurred into three months with no clear goals in mind for the future; and now, out of the blue, opportunity came rapidly on the heels of another.

Faced with these two options, I felt re-energized. Delirious aside, I wondered at fate’s timely intervention; its timing was impeccable, right on when I was all set to leave entertainment and move on to a difference circle. Why pull me back again? Did it mean I should stay? I had already put in three years in this circle, and was fully cognizant of the vagaries of an entertainment career; a gamble if ever there was one. If I stay, does it mean I would have to gamble one more time? Put in another three more years? How many three years could I bet on?

Contemplating these questions, my feelings were ambivalent, vacillating between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Fortunately, at that time, my interest and aspiration towards entertainment were still high, hence, I chose to stay. And with that, I was able to continue my dual pursuits of acting and singing, and to also get to know a group of veterans from the acting and music circles, respectively.

19.
Stay or leave? I was torn; indeed the decision was not an easy one to make. But after a week of deliberation, I knew I still desired a singing career; so I chose to stay, granting myself another three more years. Nevertheless, my aspiration had been rudely dashed before; it would take a lot of courage to regain my self-confidence. Fortunately, fate was kinder to me, this time around; the road stretching in front became much brighter and easier to travel.

Let’s touch on the music first. When I joined Go East, I met a musician who was a great inspiration to me. He was Alex San, from Malaysia. This musician was not only affable but also very talented. He composed songs for me and supervised my album production. Alex’s work had two distinctive characteristics. First, it had a strong western flavor. Second, his music scope was broad. To sing his song, false voice (sic head voice?) must be utilized. Not only that, the false voice had to be both airy and soft in order to the meet the music criteria. To sing in false voice that sounds pleasant, it is crucial to master vocal breathing. False voice register aside, there was also the matter of registering a smooth transition from real to false voice, and vice versa. All in all, a total new experience to me.

Although this was our first collaboration and our music genres were very dissimilar, my experience with my previous company had wised me up to the fact that a singer must be audacious in testing new waters. Actually, in my last album by my former company, my singing style and songs had already diverged from my usual repertoire. Because of my new attitude in embracing change plus Alex’s patient mentoring, also the three months of constant deliberations and the untiring practices in the recording room; my fourth album “蜜糖” (Honey) since entering the industry, was finally released. There was a lot of chemistry among Alex, my new colleagues and myself while working on the album. This album not only broadened my singing genre but, also garnered positive responses from the public. All in all, “Honey” album was a notable milestone in my music journey.
~~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~~~~~

That’s all, folks, this will conclude my translation on Steven’s memoir 2002 which described in details his turbulent early start as a singer in the entertainment industry. Hope reading it has helped you to better understand Steven, the man. Steven has sure come a long way, step by step, to what he is now, an accomplished actor, singer and writer. Thanks for reading.

Source: baidu steven memoir
Translator: Tamaya

Foreword - James Wong

James Wong’s foreword title: "Ma Chu Wai Once Again Made People Sit up and Take Notice."

Chun Wai’s manager, Frankie Fan, phoned and asked if I would write a foreword for ‘Why Suicide?’. I agreed unhesitatingly. I’ve known Chun Wai for many years, and what I remember most about him is that he would periodically come up with new stuff. It’s been so for many years. And his new stuff would always make one sit up and take notice of him with anew respect.

During Chun Wai’s early start in the entertainment circle, insiders dubbed him “Little Leon” – Siu Lai Ming. When he was introduced to me as such; he smiled, held out his hand to shake mine, and said, “Uncle Jim, I’m Ma Chun Wai.” Outwardly, this self-introduction was nothing out of the ordinary, nevertheless, it carried an undertone that caught my attention. What he had wanted to say to me was: “I’m Ma Chun Wai, not some ‘Siu Lai Ming’!” But being a newbie then, he could not very well come right out and say that, so only one of the two-phrase sentence was uttered. My instinct at that time was that this young man displayed a social knowledge way beyond his age, as well as discretion.

Later, we became colleagues in a TVB game show 1994 - (江山如此多FUN). During one of our chats, I found out that he started working at an early age. His poise, and social comportment of being neither supercilious nor obsequious were nothing short of extraordinary - this kind of knowledge provided by the university of society, he had not only learned it well but applied it well, too. I couldn’t help but be impressed by him, thus, I've had my eye on him. Through the screen, I observed his every gesture and every move. Before long, he blossomed on TV. This did not come by easily. Chun Wai has no formal acting training. But he is the kind of person who is inborn with a strong survival instinct, if needed, his fortitude will naturally emerge.

I recall the time when he performed Cao Zhi’s 7-step poem on screen, when the episode ended, I mused: wonders never ceased to amaze; who would have thought! This Ma Chun Wai’s new stuff definitely and indisputably exceeded far beyond expectation. Later, I guest hosted a Metro TV morning show. On every Saturday, there was this talk show, ‘James Bond’s Happy Hour’. I was in charge of its guest list; for one hour, I would shoot the breeze with my invited guest of the day. One day, I invited Ma Chun Wai. We talked about books; he was very knowledgeable on them. As we chatted amiably along, I was inwardly pleased with him as nothing pleases me more than well-read young people. That interview was a pleasure. Ma Chun Wai once again made me sit up and see him with new eyes and anew respect. But I would never have guessed that he would come out with this book series of ‘Ma Chun Wai’s Tales of Society’. I have only briefly skimmed through a section of the book, but I know this Ma Chun Wai will once again make people sit up and take notice of him with increased respect!

2002 September

Translator: tamaya

My Weibo

我的"微博"

2010-04-03 15:34

Want to inform everybody that my weibo is already open. The name is of “Ma Chun Wai” la!

The photo is a recent snapshot of my profile with my head lowered.Happy to have another platform to communicate with you all. Moreover it is very convenient to use with a hand phone.  

But you all have to be careful because I spotted a fake ‘me’ account.  Be extra alert!!

translator: tamaya 

---- more --- original